We are developing the social individualist meta-context for the future. From the very serious to the extremely frivolous... lets see what is on the mind of the Samizdata people.

Samizdata, derived from Samizdat /n. - a system of clandestine publication of banned literature in the USSR [Russ.,= self-publishing house]

We are not being told the truth

Allied claims of the fall of Basra and reports of American tanks in the centre of Baghdad were robustly denied this evening by Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed al-Sahhaf.

Attending a press conference before by a rapidly dwindling troupe of Western journalists, Minister al-Sahhaf took the podium to address his audience beneath a solitary, naked lightbulb. In the distance, the crump of tanks shells could be heard.

Despite the gloom, the Minister could be seen standing in front of a map of the world carefully arranging a sheaf of papers that he claimed were messages being relayed from the front lines by Iraq soldiers.

“The so-called Coalition forces have been completely routed by the Iraqi Armed Forces. There is not a single British or American soldier on Iraqi soil”

Pausing only to wipe away the plasterdust that was settling on his head from the cracked ceiling above, the Minister continued:

“In accordance with the brilliant strategy devised by our beloved leader Saddam Hussein, our glorious soldiers have launched their successful counterattack which is destined to end in a great victory for our side. Already the cities of London and Sydney have been laid waste by the bold actions of our heroic and fearless fedayeen”.

Just at that moment, the building was shaken by a heavy rumble coming from outside.

“It is nothing, it is nothing”.said the Minister “Just a thunderstorm”.

Unphased by the interruption, the Minister continued with his address:

“Advance units of our elite Republican Guard have also surrounded the American capital city of Washington and, in the next few hours, they will begin their final push to capture the Whitehouse.”

As he finished his final sentence, a nearby explosion shattered the windows and blew out the single overhead lightbulb, plunging the room into darkness. There was a pregnant silence suddenly broken by the clatter of a chair as the BBC Correspondent leapt to his feet to applaud enthusiastically and shout “Bravo, bravo. More. Bravo!!”.

Tweet about this on TwitterShare on FacebookShare on LinkedInShare on TumblrShare on RedditShare on Google+Share on VK

6 comments to We are not being told the truth

  • Reminds me of the meeting between German foreign minister Ribbentrop and Soviet foreign minister Molotov in a bomb shelter in the early days of World War II. Ribbentrop assured him that they were winning, so Molotov shot back “Then why are we down here?”

  • mad dog barker

    Above all else I just have to admit that Iraqi Information minister has balls the size of the 101st Airborne division. After all this is over he could come to work for someone like Enron. Or WorldCom… They need people with his grasp of the facts.

    Even our own man from the Ministry of Truth, Mr A. Campbell, does not have his skill. Mr al-Sahhaf has more spin that a high velocity round.

    But I admire his style. As the joker says, “if you’re gonna go – go with a smile…”

  • Russ Lemley

    Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

  • Fred Boness

    It’s a very small thunderstorm; only 120mm.

  • Dave White

    I’m sure that I am not the only who feels that with the apparent departure of the Iraq information minister off of our screens that life is never going to be quite the same again. How he managed to keep a straight face whilst regaling the press with his fantasies is something else, at the same time he came over as someone who you really could have a lot of symphathy for. As Mad Dog Barker so rightly says there’s a place for him at places like Enron and World Com where he would be worth his weight in gold. The mind boggles.

  • Dave White

    I’m sure that I am not the only who feels that with the apparent departure of the Iraq information minister off of our screens that life is never going to be quite the same again. How he managed to keep a straight face whilst regaling the press with his fantasies is something else, at the same time he came over as someone who you really could have a lot of symphathy for. As Mad Dog Barker so rightly says there’s a place for him at places like Enron and World Com where he would be worth his weight in gold. The mind boggles.