Beam me up, snotty

It appears that we may have underestimated the soaring ambitions of the European Union. Not content with absorbing the ‘Vilnius 10’, they have set their sights on outer space:

“Europe’s first mission to the Moon looks set for a July blast-off.

Scientists and engineers working on the Smart 1 spacecraft are hoping to fly around the 15th of that month – but it all depends on the status of the launcher.”

Doubtless this will be the first of many such missions designed to extend the scope of the European orbit. According to French EU Commissioner Bertrand Maginot:

“At this time, the cosmos is totally unregulated. This is an intolerable situation.”

A Swedish EU representative, Helena Hankårt was prepared to outline the precise aproach:

“It is not so much that we intend to conquer space. It is more a question of bringing space within democratic control.”

The British deputy chair of the Celestial Expansion Committee, Sir Crispin D’oilly-Gitte was rather more forthright in his views:

“Oh but we simply must extend Euwopean influence into space. Otherwise it will be full of those fwightful Amewicans”

The Celestial Expansion Committee has drawn up detailed plans for future ventures and even a broad agreement on contingency operations, as indicated by Dutch Committee member Willy Van Der Pimp:

“There is a draft plan setting out an appropriate response in case of encounters with alien life-forms. However, it is agreed that the aliens must commit themselves to meeting certain minimum regulatory standards before any communication can be approved.”

Members of the committee refused to be drawn on the question of whether space should, indeed, be referred to as the ‘final frontier’.