We are developing the social individualist meta-context for the future. From the very serious to the extremely frivolous... lets see what is on the mind of the Samizdata people.
Samizdata, derived from Samizdat /n. - a system of clandestine publication of banned literature in the USSR [Russ.,= self-publishing house]
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Others already having remarked that it is a slow news day here on Samizdata, I share the following extract by Harry Turtledove in the spirit of a sunny Friday evening. Have a good weekend.
30th November 1491
To: Their Hispanic Majesties Fernando II and Isabella
From: The Special Committee on the Quality of Life
Re: The environmental impact upon Spain of the proposed expedition of the Genoese navigator Cristóbel Colón, styled in his native Italian Cristoforo Colombo.
The commission of learned men and mariners, established by your Majesties under the chairmanship of Fr. Hernando de Talavera, during the period 1486-90 studied exhaustively the proposals set forth by the Genoese captain Colón and rejected them as being extravagant and impractical. → Continue reading: Report of the Special Committee on the Quality of Life
The Anglosphere is divided over the metric system… sure, it makes vastly more sense but, damn it, it is just too damn French!
But do not despair! That scholar and wit, the inimitable Diamond Geezer, has come up with a new and vastly superior system of measures suitable for the 21st Century. For example:
Length – the freedom
Definition: the distance one tank can advance in one minute
- the distance from Basra to Baghdad = 1 megafreedom
And who says genius is dead in Britain? Oh, yeah, that was me. Sorry.
Update: As usual, blogspot’s archives are phuked up, so just go here and scroll down.
Burglars and street robbers are to benefit from new rights under proposals announced today by the government.
The extension of the existing rights regime is contained in the Employment (Non-Lawful Activities) Consolidation Act 2003 which has passed its second reading in the House of Commons and is due to take effect from 1st January 2004. Under the new legislation, all burglars are street robbers will be entitled to a maximum of six weeks paid paternity leave and a similar period of statutory sick pay. If any burglar or street robber is a member of a gang or criminal organisation, they will also now be able to claim compensation for unfair dismissal.
A government spokesperson rejected criticisms of the new legislation:
It is simply an administrative measure designed to extend basic protections that already exist for all other employees.
The Equal Opportunities Commission broadly welcomed the new legislation but said it did not go nearly far enough. Spokesperson Elaine Simper-Sweetley said:
The lack of rights for workers in the crime industry is nothing less then scandalous. We believe that this is a step in the right direction but the government must do more to protect burglars from negligent and exploitative householders.
Ms.Simper-Sweetley added that the Commission would continue to campaign for existing Health & Safety legislation to be extended to protect both full and part-time criminals.
Crispin Blunt MP, a frontbench Conservative spokesman on trade, has resigned and called for Iain Duncan-Smith to be deposed as party leader. Having the largest share of the vote, more councillors and more councils than any other party just isn’t good enough.
IDS responded to the resignation by sacking frontbench spokesmen called Burgess, Maclean and Philby, just to be on the safe side.
In a dramatic development, under-fire British MP George Galloway has stunned an audience of journalists at a press conference by stripping off all of his clothes and posing for photographs whilst completely naked.
The controversial left-wing MP for Glasgow Kelvin had called the press conference in order to answer allegations that he accepted substantial payments from the former Iraqi regime. However, during a particularly heated round of questioning, Mr.Galloway suddenly stood up and began to undress himself. The attendant journalists watched in bemusement as Mr.Galloway eventually got down to his underpants which he whipped off with a flourish and draped over the ITN sound-recordist’s boom-mike.
It is the only way for me to fight back against this wicked right-wing American Zionist conspiracy to discredit me…
Said Mr.Galloway who was unrepentant about his unorthodox and shocking gesture:
Sorry? Of course I’m not sorry. It’s one of the most liberating things I have ever done. In fact, I’m already talking to the Guardian about a centrefold spread as part of a special colour-supplement next month.
Mr.Galloway’s gesture was warmly welcomed by a new left-wing organisation called the Campaign for Hindbrained Political Stunts (CHiPS) which is dedicated to pursuing a variety of ‘progressive’ causes with public displays of nudity. Denouncing all clothing as an oppressive construct of late-stage capitalism the group also intends to use bodily functions such as urination, defecation and induced vomiting as a means of protest. The group’s motto is: “Other people discuss, we just disgust”.
For those interested in royal genealogy, you could do worse that check out this scholarly work from a sober blogger who is destined for greater things. This chap could well be the next David Starkey.
The Iraqi Minister of Information, whose ability to defy reality has made him something of a cult figure in the West, has had a website dedicated to his pronouncements which is already drawing massive numbers of hits.
His ability to work for a doomed cause and show fortitude in the midst of great strain is already triggering commentators to wonder about where his talents may be most usefully employed in future. Here are some of my suggestions:
- Manager of Sunderland Football Club (with apologies to Iain Murray)
- Tory Party campaign manager (no explanation really required)
- The manager of George Galloway’s campaign to be known as a great British patriot
- Tony Blair’s humility counsellor
- Spin doctor for the Democrat’s presidential candidate (that’s my top choice)
- George W. Bush’s elocution coach (sorry Dubya, I could not resist)
- Robert Fisk’s psychiatrist (a tough assignment, admittedly)
- Michael Moore’s obesity counsellor (another tough one)
- Chief coach to the English cricket team
And finally,
- Management consultant to the BBC’s news service.
Breaking news – Kuwait.
Iraq has launched a new type of Scud missile at the coalition forces deployed in Kuwait. Details are sketchy at this time, but it appears to be a new and improved Scud type missile. The CIA is investigating just how and from whom Saddam acquired this new technology.
A trifling distraction in the scheme of things, but this is so hilarious that I just had to flag it up here.
It appears that a small group of British ‘indymedia’ squirts tried to halt a convoy of munitions by chaining themselves to the trucks. Turned out to be a very bad idea:
The convoy was successfully halted on the west bound slip road at Chievely junction (M4/A34) north of Newbury. One group blocked the lead vehicals [sic], whilst others attempted to lock on to the bomb transporters. Police and lorry drivers seem to be under orders to keep the convoy moving at all costs. Activists were forced to unlock as the lorries kept moving despite the drivers being told that there were people under their vehicals [sic].
Kumbaya, My Lord, Kumbayyyaaaaaa…stop…stop….aaaahhh…….
[My thanks to Little Green Footballs for the link]
This has been posted on the Command Post:
British backtrack over general
We had a misidentification of the rank of the officer concerned,” Group Capt. Al Lockwood said on Monday. “What I can say today is – and can confirm – that we have five senior Iraqi officers as prisoners of war.
And this on the Inn of the Last Home
British Backtrack Over General
In related news, a Moroccan troop transport backed over a colonel today, leaving him with multiple injuries and contusions. It was believed monkeys were at the wheel of the transport which was last seen heading to the sea to pick up some errant dolphins. A visiting foreign ambassador was quoted as saying, “When will monkeys ever learn to use rear-view mirrors?”.
France has lodged a protest with the UN.
I just love the blogosphere…
The tranquil, family atmosphere of ‘Ocean-World’ was rudely interrupted today as ‘peace activists’ stormed the aquarium during the dolphin display in what they described as ‘direct action against war’.
Dressed as Japanese Fisherman and waving tuna nets, the protestors surrounded the dolphin tank chanting “baby-killers” and “No attack on Iraq” as the performing dolphins, Cocoa and Buddy, were ushered back into their pen by their handlers.
Eventually, security guards managed to remove the protestors from the aquarium enabling the show to resume.
One of the protestors said afterwards:
“We’re against dolphins, man…cos, like…dolphins are…like…stupid”.
The dolphins handler confirmed that neither of the animals was in any way harmed and that they would both still be available to assist the military if required.
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Who Are We? The Samizdata people are a bunch of sinister and heavily armed globalist illuminati who seek to infect the entire world with the values of personal liberty and several property. Amongst our many crimes is a sense of humour and the intermittent use of British spelling.
We are also a varied group made up of social individualists, classical liberals, whigs, libertarians, extropians, futurists, ‘Porcupines’, Karl Popper fetishists, recovering neo-conservatives, crazed Ayn Rand worshipers, over-caffeinated Virginia Postrel devotees, witty Frédéric Bastiat wannabes, cypherpunks, minarchists, kritarchists and wild-eyed anarcho-capitalists from Britain, North America, Australia and Europe.
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