We are developing the social individualist meta-context for the future. From the very serious to the extremely frivolous... lets see what is on the mind of the Samizdata people.
Samizdata, derived from Samizdat /n. - a system of clandestine publication of banned literature in the USSR [Russ.,= self-publishing house]
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I don’t suppose any of our readers can have failed to notice the patina of despondency that has, of late, descended upon this corner of the blogland.
I am the usual and evergreen suspect. Optimism has always stood in stark contrast to my natural grain and my comrades have long-since stopped denouncing me for it and learned to live with my periodic predictions of impending doom. However, I am but Pollyanna herself compared to Paul Marks, the poster-boy of the Euthanasia Movement.
There was a time when our brooding presence was felt but nonetheless heavily diluted by the ebullient, thematic jolliness of the remaining Samizdatistas. But now Perry de Havilland seems to have stumbled into a pit of despair and even the stomach-churningly cheerful Brian Micklethwait has ‘fessed up to an onset of the highly contagious Carr-itis.
But why, I hear you inquire. Is this a neurological condition brought on by over-exposure to the internet? Is it because we are perenially-disappointed libertarians? No, it’s because we are British:
“People are growing increasingly pessimistic, with a majority believing that Britain is “grinding to a halt”, a YouGov poll for The Daily Telegraph has found.
The survey shows a country depressed by the prospect of falling pension values, failing hospitals, pot-holed roads, unspoken fears of terrorism and a possible war against Iraq.
Eighty five per cent of people worry that they can no longer rely on public services, while 53 per cent agree with foreign media reports that “nothing in Britain works”.
See, for all these years I was not being contrary, I was merely ahead of the curve and now that all my compatriots are conforming to national type, I can take nought but scant consolation in feeling vindicated.
All exhortations to cheery optimism are futile. It’s too late for therapy and prozac won’t work. We’re not depressed, we’re just British. Pity us.
“This is my open letter to the Great Satan America.
You may ask, why do I hate America and fight against it? I answer, because America is the propogator of all the evil in the world and you worship only Jewish Usury and Krispy-Kreme Donuts. What kind of a culture is that? Only America sends coach-parties of Senior Citizens to desecrate and despoil our Holy Lands. I can but weep for despair amidst an ocean of Land’s End polo shirts and stretch pants. Is there no end to your cruelty, America?
Until now, I have been content with making rude gestures to them behind their backs and grossly overcharging them for bogus relics and bottled water. But no more can I suffer these indignities. Now is the time to act.
I now declare endless jihad on the Great Satan but, you have one last chance, America, to avoid this eternal war which will lead to your destruction, by agreeing to meet my demands:
1. Bill Clinton is not black and he must get over it.
2. Britney Spears must perform her next music video wearing chador
3. Do something about Michael Jackson. Now!
4. It is time for Barbra Streisand to retire. Nothing worth so much as a camel-dropping has come out of that woman’s mouth since ‘Funny Girl’
5. You must arrange a guest starring role for me on ‘The Simpsons’
6. Please tell Al Gore to shut the f*ck up about the Florida recount. He lost! Enough whining already.
7. You must immediately refund the sum of $275 that was outrageously stolen from my cousin, Musal, by a Jew-inspired tax audit of his dry cleaning business in Chicago.
Unless you accede to all of my demands, America, then I will be all over you like a cheap burqa. You will know no respite from me. I will haunt you both by day and by night. I will take the women from your homesteads, the cattle from your farmsteads and the knobs from your bedsteads.
You have been warned, Infidel.
Osama”
According to Ros Coward of the Wanker, we should be grateful to the Islamic rioters in Nigeria for reminding us of our shortcomings and just how far we have strayed from acceptable civilised standards:
“What an irony that fundamentalist Muslims managed to do what feminism ultimately failed to do: make Miss World a global political issue. As contestants flee to London, and Nigeria counts its dead, it is almost impossible to retain the idea that an annual parade of female flesh is just an innocent quest for universal beauty acceptable to all reasonable people.”
Of course! (Slap to the forehead) I should have realised that ‘Miss World’ is a deeply symbolic manifestation of class and gender struggle; the very antithesis of the dialectic rationale for the liberation of..er..something or other.
“In the west, the contest became as naff as bingo. It was feminism that represented modernity.”
That’s funny, I thought things like the silicon chip and the space shuttle represented modernity.
“Last year’s winner, Miss Nigeria herself pointed out that she is “the first black African woman to win”, because, for all its multiculturalism, the winners from black countries remained resolutely pale.”
That’s right, they weren’t ‘black’ enough. They were the wrong sort of ‘black’. In fact, they were all Uncle Toms still grovelling to ‘de White Massa.’
“How was this circus of womanhood going to respond to an issue of global political concern for women: the sentencing of Amina Lawal to death by stoning for adultery? Even a bunch of brainless bimbos would have found this a problem, but our post-feminist intellectual beauty queens couldn’t avoid it.”
‘Brainless bimbos’? Excuse me, but isn’t that a rather pejorative, sexist remark? Hate speech, in fact?
“The riots in Nigeria were ultimately triggered, not by the contest itself but by a piece in a local paper claiming the prophet himself might have chosen a wife from these beauties.”
If only all newspapers could be as sensitive as the ‘Wanker’ then surely there would be world peace!
“This is the same cultural naivety exposed by the bombing of the Sari club in Bali. The consolation some clubbers exchanged after the outrage betrays this same sense that the world is a playground where the true human (western) values can be paraded. Because no harm is meant, no offence should be taken. One clubber mourned the passing of the club on a website, saying “it was the United Nations of decadence” without any sense that this is what made it a target.”
Translation: the victims of the Bali bomb got what deserved and deserved what they got. They should have shrouded themselves in self-effacement and sensitivity. Instead they recklessly taunted and tortured those poor Islamic terrorists until they could tolerate it no more. They are the real victims.
“Now the reluctance to attack representatives of western values has disappeared even among those with no involvement in extremist organisations.”
And, let’s face it, in that extremist organisation known as the ‘Wanker’, that reluctance never existed in the first place.
“In such a world we should think carefully about what values we want to parade. Democracy, equality and tolerance certainly. But a beauty contest?”
We must abandon our sinful ways and foreswear all this drinking, dancing, laughing, carousing, loving and generally celebrating our lives. It’s unseemly; it’s uncivilised; it’s dangerous, dammit. We must aspire to the true hallmarks of civilised behaviour, like wearing sensible shoes, cross-referencing files in the Department of Social Security, exchanging Outreach Initiatives and discussing gender politics over an organic vegetable curry in a ‘Fair Trade’ workers co-operative canteen. That is the zenith of Western civilisation and it behoves us well to aspire to nothing more than that.
In order to survive we must be boring, po-faced, monochromatic, insecure, shot through with crippling guilt and terminally earnest. Just like…well, just like Ros Coward I should imagine.
Would somebody please send a message to Al-Qaeda to the effect that the editorial staff at the ‘Wanker’ are planning to sponsor a Naked Lesbian Dance Collective in Mecca. With a bit of luck, they’ll be next on the hit-list.
I have been alerted to the existance of a new website called Conservative Liberty.
For those of you who regard the words ‘Conservative’ and ‘Liberty’ as oxymoronic, I should add that it does appear to be genuinely ‘devoted to representing the under-represented voice of Libertarian Youth within the Conservative Party’, and is therefore worthy of a welcome.
Looks like a blog, though, doesn’t it?
[My thanks to Sean Gabb for the alert]
Does anybody else recall reading this rather doom-laden analysis written by John Derbyshire?.
I seem to remember that Mr.Derbyshire was treated to something of a rotten tomato-splattering from much of Blogland in response to his heretical pessimism. Whilst I must admit that it makes for a sobering read (to say the least) there was one prediction which struck me as all too plausible:
“Actual crime — murder, rape, robbery, burglary, and assault — will skyrocket, but it will be illegal to talk about it.”
That plausibility began to look like distinct possibility when I read this:
“An editor whose newspapers print lists of local crimes has claimed the police are trying to gag him.”
Now that’s not quite the same as making it illegal, but the impulse is apparent.
“Andy Jackson of Avon and Somerset Police said: “We do not want a blanket list of crimes because we don’t benefit from that.”
No, I’m sure you don’t benefit from that, Mr.Jackson. After all, if the tax-cattle are exposed to the reality they might begin to wonder what the hell they’re paying you for.
“We wanted to present it in a responsible way so readers weren’t alarmed by large volumes of crime.”
Note: no denial that there are ‘large volumes’ of crime, merely a plea for the statistics to be presented in a responsible manner (whatever that means).
And so it begins. And Mr.Derbyshire, if he ever reads this, might feel just a little vindicated.
[My thanks to Chris Tame of the Libertarian Alliance for the link to the BBC story above]
In response to rioting by Muslims in Nigeria which has left over a 100 people dead, the organisers of Miss World have hastily arranged for the whole competition to be moved to Britain.
Rumour has it that the international beauty pageant will resume in Finsbury Park
Nobody should be surprised. Nobody. We all know that if you keep picking at a scab it will eventually turn septic. You can only torment even the most good-natured of dogs before it turns on you and takes a chunk out of your leg.
Despite the ridicule and loathing that has been directed at them (much of it justified I hasten to add), the British National Party has scored another election success in the North of England, this time taking a local authority ward in Blackburn, the parliamentary constituency of the current Foreign Secretary, Jack Straw who has responded by issuing a desperate-sounding public plea for ‘more tolerance’ in our society.
He’s worried. He is right to be worried. And I’m worried too because, despite strenous efforts to market themselves as decent and patriotic, the BNP remains a viscerally nationalist organisation who pose as big a threat to liberty as their counterparts on the left.
However, panic is not yet due; this was merely a council by-election and the BNP are not about to take their seat at the top table of power. But, taken together with their other recent successes at local level, it has to be admitted that they are enjoying a growing popularity as well as building a plausible grassroots movement.
→ Continue reading: Ignore no more
I’ve just run my beady eye over a draft of the Criminal Justice Bill conveniently printed in The Times but since non-UK residents have to subscribe I will refrain from linking (in accordance with the recent directive handed down by the Samizdat-buro).
Casting my mind back a few months, I distinctly recall that warm, fuzzy feeling of exuberation that only comes when the scent of a victory (albeit minor) is in the air. The scent in question was the aroma of cannabis which, HMG magnanimously informed us, was going to be ‘downgraded’ from Class B drug to Class C drug. Thus, whilst it would remain theoretically illegal, police could no longer arrest anyone for being in possession of small amounts for personal use.
Well, it was minor but worthwhile advance. Or so we thought, because the good news is that HMG has proved good to its word and cannabis is, indeed, to be reclassified as a Class C drug. The bad news is that the new Criminal Justice Bill gives police the power to arrest anyone found in possession of Class C drugs.
In short, we’re back where we bloody well started.
“Dear Britain,
In accordance with our jointly agreed plan for regime change in Iraq, we would like to place an order for various British fighting personel in order to assist with our military plans in the region.
Having carefully considered the wide range of assets that your country has to offer, we would be most obliged if you would arrange to place the following units at our disposal:
1. A large contingent of Glaswegians to be stationed at Iraqi pubs and bars where they can be relied upon to inflict heavy casualties on the enemy when their drinks gets spilled.
2. A contingent of chirpy, cheeky Cockneys who will boost moral by inventing rowdy, obscene songs about Saddam Hussein and who will also greatly liven up the eventual victory celebrations by dancing around in the fountains of Baghdad, half-naked and wearing Union Jack underpants on their heads.
3. Since we expect some degree of close-quarters fighting, a division of soccer fans will also be required; most particularly those with experience in ripping out the seats of football stadia and using them to hospitalise European policemen.
4. A contigent from Liverpool will also be desirable as it is anticipated that we will have to occupy Saddam Hussein’s heavily-guarded Palaces and therefore burglary skills will be required.
5. Also please supply all available drug-running gangs from Manchester as we understand that they have even more firepower at their disposal than we do.
Please confirm at your earliest convenience that the above-listed requirements can be met.
We look forward to working with you on what we are confident will be a successful joint venture.
Yours Sincerely
The Pentagon”
Triangulations, Third Ways and New Deals are all euphamisms for playing ‘Hide and Seek’ with reality. But reality is famously persistant and you can’t hide for long before it finds you. Then the game is up.
And even the ludicrously partisan BBC has to admit that the Labour government has a serious problem on the horizon:
“The Office for National Statistics said on Wednesday that the government’s coffers were £2.5bn in surplus last month, down by more than half on the same period last year, and well short of the £4.3bn predicted by analysts.”
The article points the finger at lower corporate tax takings but the real reason is that HMG has crossed over the Laffer Curve and further tax hikes will only result in diminishing returns.
This is a deeply worrying problem for a government that has ridden to power on the promise of an endless supply of lovely lolly to their core supporters in the public sector. That same public sector took them at their word and grows more militant by the day in its demands that HMG now cash the blank cheque they recklessly wrote to buy the election.
So the pot is empty and Chancellor Brown is left only with the option of massive borrowing to fund further spending. That means going back to the ‘bad old days’ of the 1970’s; something which Tony Blair has said repeatedly he is not prepared to countenance.
‘Hey reality, HMG is in the cupboard under the stairs’.
SCENE: A secret chamber underneath Whitehall. ‘Q’ is busy directing a gaggle of technicians when the sliding doors swish open. In steps OO7.
Q: Ah, Bond
BOND: Good morning, Q
Q: Off on another mission I hear
BOND: Yes. Her Majesty’s Government has gotten wind of a conspiracy by an International Hate Speech Syndicate. Seems they’re plotting to flood the civilised world with language that might be perceived as offensive.
Q: The Fiends!
BOND: Precisely. They must be stopped.
Q: You’ll need the proper equipment, Bond
BOND: Have you got my standard issue Walther PPK?
Q: Good grief, Bond! Are you mad? We can’t have people running around with guns. You might hurt someone. No, we’re going to issue you with these.
[Hands over a pair of brand, new trainers]
BOND: That looks like a pair of running shoes, Q
Q: Very observant, Bond.
BOND: Are they rocket-powered?
Q: No, but they are air-cushioned. If some snarling, evil henchman comes at you, you just slip them on and run like the blazes.
BOND: Hmm. I see. What about my Aston Martin?
Q: Sorry, Bond, but we’ve had to scrap that.
BOND: WHAT??!!
Q: It’s all part of our commitment to meet the targets for environmental protection agreed at the Johannesburg conference. You’re going to be issued with this bicycle.
[Wheels up bicycle]
BOND: Does it have any special features?
Q: It certainly does; it comes with a safety helmet and a set of knee-pads. Now do pay attention, Bond; you must never attempt to ride this bicycle without the proper safety equipment.
BOND: What about that silver gadget on the handle?
Q: Ah yes. Now if you press this little silver button here….
BOND: It fires a heat-seaking missile?
Q: No it’s a little bell that goes tring, tring, tring. Let’s everyone know you’re coming. Effective up to 5 metres.
BOND: I feel safer already
Q: Now remember, Bond, this is all the property of HM government and it has to be returned in one piece.
BOND: I’ll do my best, Q
[BOND turns to go]
Q: Oh and Bond……
BOND: Yes, Q?
Q: Do try to avoid seducing any beautiful, exotic women on your travels.
BOND: Is that because it may compromise the mission, Q?
Q: No, it’s because you may well end up in prison, Bond. Dismissed.
Anyone who recalls reading my report on the ‘Liberty and Livelihood March’ that took place in London (although ‘took over London’ is more accurate) in September may have been as struck as I was by the militant tone of the participants. They were very angry people.
Of course, such belligerent postures often turn out to be more an expression of bravura rather than a forewarning of intentions but if this report in the Telegraph is anything to go by, then maybe they did really mean it:
“Militant hunt supporters are threatening to sabotage essential services, including electricity pylons, gas supplies and food deliveries, in reaction to the Government’s decision to introduce a Bill that would ban foxhunting.”
Home-grown insurrection about to begin?
“The Real CA were hopping mad, really furious, and the talk was very serious indeed. They are talking about highly criminal acts, but they feel they have been driven to it.”
I can corroborate that the people on that march were, indeed, hopping, jumping and skipping mad but is the ‘Real CA’ real? One can never entirely discount the possibility that this is a Security Service operation designed to smoke possible insurrectionists out of the woodwork and neutralise them before they start actually embarking upon any campaigns of damage or disruption.
Certainly, if the Security Services were not aware of the ‘Real CA’ they most assuredly are now and, if the insurrectionists are good to their word, what is HMG going to do about it?
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Who Are We? The Samizdata people are a bunch of sinister and heavily armed globalist illuminati who seek to infect the entire world with the values of personal liberty and several property. Amongst our many crimes is a sense of humour and the intermittent use of British spelling.
We are also a varied group made up of social individualists, classical liberals, whigs, libertarians, extropians, futurists, ‘Porcupines’, Karl Popper fetishists, recovering neo-conservatives, crazed Ayn Rand worshipers, over-caffeinated Virginia Postrel devotees, witty Frédéric Bastiat wannabes, cypherpunks, minarchists, kritarchists and wild-eyed anarcho-capitalists from Britain, North America, Australia and Europe.
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