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Elf surveillance

Getting the next generation ready for the surveillance state.

17 comments to Elf surveillance

  • Natalie Solent (Essex)

    Good grief, and I thought this got the prize for Allegedly Lovable But Actually Deeply Creepy Technological Gadget Of The Day: “Somnox sleep robot – like being in bed with a baby Darth Vader”

  • mike

    I recently wrote the marketing blurb and product instructions for a similar “anti-insomnia” device – they’re all the rage now.

  • Julie near Chicago

    What Perry Said….

    Natalie — I see that the Guardian shows unusual, and entertaining, wisdom for a change.

    If I had a husband and needed to punish him for the severe misdeed of being male, I could get him one of those for Christmas, along with a robotized adult doll for companionship on the off-side. [A quick search links to a description of one with interchangeable wigs, and faces “that you can peel off like a banana.” Woo-hoo!!! –No, I didn’t follow any of the links, shame on you-all for wondering. 😉 ]

    Then I could happily move into the guest room, content that I’d done my duty by the marriage bed. 😈

  • bobby b

    I grew up knowing, for months before Christmas, that Santa was omnipresent, watching what I was doing at all times, looking for “naughty or nice”, and I was told that I would rue my bad choices. His gaze was pitiless and unending. So don’t tell me about the surveillance state.

    At least you can see where this thing is, and you can go in the next room, or paint it over.

  • Julie near Chicago


  • Itellyounothing

    News at 11 – easily hackable “Elf” Surveillance camera used to spy on kids by weirdos.

  • Patrick Crozier (Twickenham)

    What’s everyone complaining about? I thought this was a libertarian blog – you know keeping the government out of our lives. No part of this has anything to do with government, not the gizmo, the parents, the room or the kids. So, that’s great. Isn’t it?

  • dotdavid

    News at 11 – easily hackable “Elf” Surveillance camera used to spy on kids by weirdos.

    At £3.99 I doubt this is a functioning camera, thankfully

  • Rob Fisher

    Patrick, one complaint, I suppose, might be that the existence of a market for this is an indicator of how comfortable people have become with the idea of surveillance and that in such a culture the state will find little resistance to its nefarious plans.

    Or maybe the children growing up with these things will be so traumatised as to grow up into privacy advocates. I’m not sure.

  • neonsnake

    At £3.99 I doubt this is a functioning camera, thankfully

    It’s not. It’s just the next iteration of Elf On The Shelf, the idea being that one of Santa’s elves are keeping an eye and reporting back on whether you’ve been naughty or nice.

    Parents are, apparently, raving about them, since the kiddie-winks see a red flashing light and actually believe that they’re being monitored.

  • Patrick Crozier (Twickenham)

    Ah, so it involves lying to children. That sounds like a bad thing.

  • bobby b

    “Ah, so it involves lying to children. That sounds like a bad thing.”

    Much of parenthood involves frantically running from child to child as they each toddle off in different directions into traffic. If it takes a few lies to keep them alive, so be it. 😆

  • DP

    @ Patrick Crozier (Twickenham) October 16, 2019 at 9:55 am

    “Ah, so it involves lying to children. That sounds like a bad thing.”

    Santa is real?


  • Tanuki

    Santa is making his list, checking it twice to find out who’s been naughty or nice – I so hope he’s registered under the Data Protection Act to hold/process such personal data.

    And surely “Naughty” and “Nice” are ‘protected’ characteristics so it will be illegal to discriminate against someone on the basis of their naughtiness/niceness?

  • Paul Marks

    Yes – this is the future. At least in much of the West it is.

    Still the tyranny will eventually lead to collapse – so the tyranny will end, it will just be a horrible end.

  • Clovis Sangrail

    Seems legit.

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