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Samizdata, derived from Samizdat /n. - a system of clandestine publication of banned literature in the USSR [Russ.,= self-publishing house]

Exactly what does the Kremlin expect people to hear?

When the Kremlin says something like this

In an interview in the newspaper Jyllands-Posten, the Russian ambassador to Denmark, Mikhail Vanin, said he did not think Danes fully understood the consequences of joining the programme.

“If that happens, Danish warships will be targets for Russian nuclear missiles,” Vanin told the newspaper.

What exactly are people supposed to hear? What I am hearing is…

“Yes I know you would rather spend your taxpayer’s money on outreach programmes for gay radical muslim single parent transgendered climate change threatened whales, but we really really want you to get those defence budgets up to the NATO required 2% figure!”

What reaction are they expecting to overt threats pretty much explicitly saying “if you, as a NATO nation, assist NATO with the deployment of a defensive weapon system within NATO borders, we will point nukes at you!”

Might this not be a tad counter-productive when the Russian Troll Army are tirelessly trying to convince assorted useful idiots to push the line that “Russia is no threat to anyone, honest guv!”…?

I guess the the Russian ambassador to Denmark did not get the memo 😉

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21 comments to Exactly what does the Kremlin expect people to hear?

  • CaptDMO

    There’s ALWAYS (the Dane translation of) “Molon labe bitches”. Diplomatically phrased of course.

  • Nicholas (Natural Genius) Gray

    A nuclear missile for each ship seems slightly excessive. Patrol boats, also? Just how many nukes does Russia have?

  • the other rob

    Just how many nukes does Russia have?

    Not as many working ones as they’d like us to think, but more than we’d like, would be my guess.

    The attitude exhibited is par for the course, however, as far as the current Russian administration is concerned. Does anybody else remember, some years back, when Putin appointed a new Deputy Head of Russian State Television? The man had been KGB and, in his first press conference on taking the job, he leaned on the podium and confided “We all know that there is no such thing as a former Chekist.”

  • Jeff Evans

    Back in the cold war days, there was a Danish politician who said that if elected he would equip the army with tape recorders and cassettes saying “I surrwender” in Russian.

    There will always be those who believe that if we don’t threaten the bullies then they will leave us alone. Unfortunately life isn’t like that, and most people know it.

  • What is the first duty of Government again? Something about defence of the nation?

    Sounds like the Danes need to reclaim a bit of their Viking DNA and grow a pair.

  • bloke in spain

    It’s a rather strange threat. Given Danish vessels are likely to be in proximity to Danish waters & the prevailing winds, that part of the world, a nuked Danish frigate is going to drifting down over Petrograd in little sparkly fragments about 5 hours later.

  • Paul Marks

    Good post Perry.

  • Mr Ecks

    So anyone who disagrees that Putin is the most dangerous man since Mr Neutron is now a member of the Russian Troll Army? I must check the post. No cheques arrived so far.

    Far from being evidence in support of your contentions this pathetic threat is the reverse. Evidence of what clowns the Russian leadership are. It is, as Jesus Quintana observed “Bush league psych-out stuff Man–laughable”. What is Putins next move–is he going to send us a toe–complete with nail polish–so we all shit ourselves with fear?

    He would have been better sending this blow-hardery to the EU HQ. They are exactly the type to take it seriously. The prospect of a nuke landing on their HQ–preferably with them all inside almost makes nuclear war seem a desirable outcome. I doubt the Danes will loose much sleep over said threat.

  • So anyone who disagrees that Putin is the most dangerous man since Mr Neutron is now a member of the Russian Troll Army?

    No, he is by no means the greatest threat around, but anyone who says he is not a threat at all is either a member of the Russian Troll Army or a fucking idiot who takes what the Troll Army says seriously.

    He would have been better sending this blow-hardery to the EU HQ. They are exactly the type to take it seriously

    Indeed, I agree as I said in my article. It is almost as if he is trying to alarm the nations of Europe into spending less on cow flatulence studies and more on weapon systems.

  • It didn’t work for them in 1981-1983 on the INF deployments, but when the NATO leader with the strongest set of balls is poor Francois Hollande maybe they imagine that this time they can do better.

  • Indeed Taylor. Putin must be very disappointed that his bought and paid for poodle Marine Le Pen did not do as well as expected.

  • With all the hate that the French MSM aim at old Sarko it’s amazing he’s still standing. I think we may have to consider him the French equivalent of Bill Clinton. Minus the charm, but with a cuter wife.

    I also think it’s remarkable that Poor Francois Hollande shares the same first name with the former UK PM Poor John Major. Just a coincidence ?

  • Do you recall the episode of The Simpsons where Homer bizarrely becomes the Captain of an SSBN? Anyhows at the UN the Russians flip over their Toblerone and reveal the old USSR. Old dogs don’t learn new tricks.

  • Regional

    As the price of crude oil has tanked Putin will have less cash to finance his adventurism likewise the Saudi Royal Family financing the spread of Islam and with the Persian Empire re-emerging fuck all will happen.

  • TDK

    I doubt this will change things much.

    There are sufficient media pundits who say “we brought this on ourselves” to not look like lone cranks. It’s not just the expected fellow travellers like Seamus Milne but even some on the right like Peter Hitchins. It seems a black and white case but we live in a strange era where metaphorical hairshirts are mandatory.

    This needs a robust clear statement of “you’ve gone to far”. And within a day we’ll see if that is forthcoming- a robust intelligent response from Obama, Merkel or even god help us, Cameron. I wouldn’t put money on it.

  • Snorri Godhi

    Back in the cold war days, there was a Danish politician who said that if elected he would equip the army with tape recorders and cassettes saying “I surrwender” in Russian.

    This comment suggests that the English are not the only people whose irony is lost on foreigners.

  • I wouldn’t be so fast to sneer at Hollande – at least not as compared to Obama.

  • Kevin Jaeger

    I’d say Russia has taken the measure of the modern west – especially European countries like Denmark – and concluded they have absolutely nothing to fear no matter what Russia says or does.

    Even with a brutal provocation like this how can we expect Denmark to actually respond? I expect they’ll do something symbolic like declaring their ships nuclear-free zones, thereby preventing Russia from detonating any nuclear missiles in their vicinity.

    Then they can go back to their real preoccupations, like promoting vegetarian diets to gay whales or whatever they’re up to these days.

  • Boker Tov Alisa

    I’m not sneering at Poor Francois Hollande after all I did point out that the has bigger balls than any other NATO leader.

    OK maybe Canada’s Harper does better in that department but in now way did I imply that Poor Francois Hollande is less manly than our American magic unicorn rider.

  • Mr Ed

    Article about Putinbots, £500 a month. Perry, you pay us far too much! We might be outsourced to Russia!

  • our American magic unicorn rider

    LOL Taylor, that was a general remark not aimed at anyone here (we all of us like to poke fun at the French, don’t we), but I’m glad you replied anyway 😀