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Lost weekend

A new bill in Mississippi would make it illegal for restaurants to serve obese customers.

The legislation, introduced by three members of the state’s House of Representatives, would allow health inspectors to revoke the licence of any restaurant that “repeatedly” feeds extremely overweight people.

SCENE: Int. Day. A diner somewhere in Mississippi. A customer enters and sits down. The waitress approaches.

WAITRESS: What do you need, honey?

CUSTOMER: Hi, I’d like a steak, please, with some french fries and a side order of cole…

WAITRESS: Whoa, whoa, whoa….back up, fatboy. Everything’s off.

CUSTOMER: Everything??!!

WAITRESS: I can bring you some water.

CUSTOMER: But I’m famished.

WAITRESS: I don’t make the rules, sweetie.

CUSTOMER: But that man over there is eating a club sandwich.

WAITRESS: That man over there has a 32-inch waist. See the sign? ‘No six-pack, no lunch pack’.

CUSTOMER: Isn’t there anything you can bring me?

WAITRESS: ‘Lose the guts. No ifs, no buts’.

CUSTOMER: But, look, I’m not fat, I’m just big-boned.

WAITRESS (calling out): Joe, bring me out the calipers.

CUSTOMER: Okay, okay. Listen, its my glands. I’ve got a glandular problem. Can I help it if my glands won’t work properly?

WAITRESS: You’re wasting my time here, honey. I’ve got plenty of slim, healthy customers to serve.

CUSTOMER: Oh please! I’m starving.

WAITRESS: Not starving enough, sweetie.

CUSTOMER: Can’t I just have some bacon and eggs? Please? Oh come on, pleeeeeeeease?

WAITRESS: Listen, I’d like to help you. Tell you what, come in again next week and if you’ve dropped maybe five, six pounds, I can serve you a cup of black coffee and maybe a slice of dry toast. How’d that be?


19 comments to Lost weekend

  • Ken

    Wonder what happens when the “obese” person happens to be “of colour”?

  • Dunly blogged(Link), with a simple question:

    I say, I say there son…am I hearin’ this correctly? Lawmakers in a state where half of everything on the dinner table is deep fried want to ban restaurants from servin’ the obese?

  • Lee Kelly

    I agree. The gross excesses of capitalism must be constrained, or else what is to stop any of us ending up obese? and our children, will not somebody think of the children? The crass consumerism which pervades modern culture must be curtailed, and if not for your waistline or for the planet, then there will be somthing else… there always is 🙂

  • RAB

    So what are fatties supposed to do for food then, whilst they drop from 40 stone down to an officially acceptable 12? Photosynthesise??
    I dont know just how long it takes to starve to death, but it must be about a month, however fat you are.
    You cant last more than about a week without water either.
    Utterly ludicrous!!
    But very Funny!

  • Ian B

    Again, I reiterate that this kind of thing is just an effect. Policies like this are only being floated because of the obesity jihad, which is driven by medical academics of the social medicine movement. Without their constant creation of propaganda, there would be no basis to this, or other, hysterias.

    Interestingly enough, BMI was invented by Adolphe Quetelet, an early 19th century… astronomer. He began dabbling in “social physics” and was one of the first sociologists gripped by the dream of planning society by the use of statistics, organised the first international statistical conference, and was much gripped by the ideal of definining an ideal “average person” to whom everyone should be compared, an idea that now permeates our society.

    Anyway, BMI. Not a medical measure at all, it’s a social science one. Quelle surprise.

  • Of course everyone knows that when they can no longer eat at a restaurant, the terminally obese will subscribe to a ‘weight watchers’ program rather than ordering takeaway or making ‘mac & cheese.’

  • Andy: not a problem at all, as a similar law can be passed for supermarkets. Why don’t they just shoot the poor fat bastards and get it over with?

  • The result will be Eat Easies disguised as Gymnasiums and health centres.Burger runners will be shipping elicit Big Ms from Cuba.

  • Sunfish

    Andy: not a problem at all, as a similar law can be passed for supermarkets. Why don’t they just shoot the poor fat bastards and get it over with?

    I hadn’t thought of cannibalism as a solution to this problem but…okay, yeah, I had. If some health inspector tried to tell me that I couldn’t have my fried catfish, fried okra, etc., I’d find myself forced to hand him a bottle of hot sauce (probably Cholula or Tapatio, being the multiculturalist that I am) and tell him to cover himself in it and come back in an hour.

  • Alisa

    Now that was gross!

  • Sigivald

    I don’t think three state reps posturing even counts as a hysteria.

    They’re getting the round mocking they deserve, and life continues apace.

  • Why don’t they just shoot the poor fat bastards and get it over with?

    Probably because some of us fat bastards shoot back. 🙂

    But I wouldn’t put it past some of the health Nazis these days to have seriously considered it (at least for a moment).

    Anyhow… on a more serious note I wonder if these dunderheads have considered that some of us have jobs and in such capacity may from time be required to travel. Just what the hell are we supposed to eat while traveling? If not in a restaurant, then where?

    Perhaps we’ll see the rise of the “eat easy” for the poor famished (but fat) traveler. 🙂

  • Midwesterner


    But this is how the waters are tested. This is how assumptions are gently moved. This is how meta-contextual assumptions are stealthily changed.

    Should we resort to advocating extremist cases of our value system? Perhaps we should. It is how CCW laws were moved into acceptability. Perhaps it is time to start seriously advocating for removing the vote from anybody who takes more money via the government than they contribute to it. We won’t get it. But I bet we’ll get it discussed.

    And any topic if discussed enough, becomes part of the meta-context.

  • Probably because some of us fat bastards shoot back.

    I hope you are not just saying that to make me feel better:-)

  • Think about the great big gift to organized crime this would be. “Lipidleggin'”, that short story by F. Paul Wilson, gets closer to reality all the time.

  • Kevin B

    CUSTOMER: But I’m famished.

    WAITRESS: Look, I can sell you a pack of cigarettes to blunt your appetite, but you can’t smoke ’em here.

  • Jake

    A better idea would be to not allow anyone to sell a TV to a obese person. Plus it would be illegal to give a cable hookup to them.
    I think it is lack of exercise that causes obesity not the type of food they eat.

  • R. Richard Schweitzer

    As a Southerner, I would want to examine the proposed bill to make sure it has the necessary exemptions for legislators, and certain levels of elected law enforcement officers.

    I know if it were the U.S. Congress there would be (they have great staff people) – at least Ted’s people would be careful.

    Technical amendments will be needed!

  • The result will be Eat Easies disguised as Gymnasiums and health centres.

    I’m way ahead of you – I said this in a post about a proposed moratorium on fast food outlets in El Lay:

    Maybe I should change my last name to Capone and open up some grease-easies in LA. The underground economy is quite lucrative – heh, talk about living off the fat of the land…

    I’m also thinking of opening sweeteasies in the UK – get a load of the serving sizes portrayed in this pic. (Inspired by this Samiz-post.)