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Decaf is bad!

Scientists eh? First they tell you all the things you have to do to stay in perfect health and be immortal. Then they tell you that that very things they have been recommending for the last three decades are what will kill you.

The latest health fad to get the treatment? Decaf coffee:

The US study looked at 187 people, a third of whom drank three to six cups of caffeinated coffee a day, while a second group drank the same amount of decaffeinated coffee, and the rest had no coffee.

Researchers measured the level of caffeine in people’s blood, as well as a number of heart-health indicators, including blood pressure, heart rate and cholesterol levels over the course of the three month study.

At the end of the study, the group drinking decaffeinated coffee had experienced an 18% rise in their fatty acids in the blood, which can drive the production of bad ‘LDL’ cholesterol.

Bad cholesterol. Bad!

There has only ever been one good reason to drink decaffeinated coffee, which is that you like it.

My nutritional recommendation just now is: Walkers Marmite Flavoured Potato Crisps. Mmmmm. (I get mine from the new Sainsbury’s in Wilton Road, Victoria.) As it says on the packets:

Same great taste . . . now better for you.

We have been reducing the levels of saturated fat in our crisps so that now they contain 30% less saturated fat than in 2003.

This is because we carefully blend our vegetable oil with a special sunflower oil to produce a better crisp with all the same great taste.


In related news, I note with alarm that Alex Singleton appears to have eaten nothing since November 6th. Has he died of starvation? Perhaps. But Singleton Diet commenter Paul Coulam expresses a different fear:

Do the lack of blog entries indicate that you have fallen off the wagon and are lying in your bed, curtains closed, with crisp bags and pizza boxes scattered all over the floor and chocolate smeared all round your mouth?

So is it famine, or feast, or something else again, such as a moderate diet of marmite flavoured crisps, washed down with not too many cups per day of decaffeinated coffee?

13 comments to Decaf is bad!

  • Colin

    It would be very useful if you could tell us whether these crisps actually taste like Marmite.

  • did I eat the last mini pizza?

    I’m concerned. I met him for the first time at an ASI event on the 8th…

    ….wasn’t me guv!

  • ic

    “The US study looked at 187 people…” Is 187 people too small a sample to give us a meaningful study?

  • Jacob

    Seems that scientists love those big, fat, sensational headlines no less than politicians and other celebrities. Each does his best, in his chosen field of endeavour, to get attention, and the press is eager to oblige, because those big, fat sensational headlines are what they do for a living.

  • While you munch your Marmite crisps (MSG laden) Spare a thought for all those brave opera singers on hunger strike at La Scala in protest against Berlusconi’s cuts to the arts budget. They are the true art-proles prepared to sacrifice themselves.

  • Ian Duncan Smith or whoever you are:

    We like cuts to arts budgets here. Plus, one of my biggest objections to opera singers these days – aside from the ghastly din they usually make, I mean – is that they are far too often far too fat. For me, this is a win win.

  • Who is this ‘we’? I’m an individualist libertarian, like Pete Doherty, and proud of it. I like opera singers to be thin, as much as I like pop stars to be sensible. But I get your drift about the arts cuts. However, I say, put up the taxes, feed the opera singers. They only eat pasta. That won’t cost the Italian taxpayer too much.

  • Tuscan tony

    I seem to recall reading/hearing a few years ago that the extraction proces to remove the caffiene from the beans means dousing them in exceedingly unpleasant chemicals. Seems to me caffeine is rather a small villain on the world stage these days anyway.

  • Rob Halper

    I say, have plenty of caffeinated coffee, red wine, dark chocolate and an occaisonal filet mignon. And of course, martinis!

  • The original decaffeination process used benzene, which is carcinogenic and impossible to completely remove from the processed coffee. As far as I know, the benzene process isn’t used any more.

  • Wild Pegasus

    Coffee is pretty nasty and I can’t figure out why anyone would prefer it to tea.

    – Josh

  • Julian Taylor

    Obviously you never tried a Nespresso.

  • Chris Harper

    Even after my decades living in London I still prefer vegemite to marmite.

    A consequence of having it on my rusks I suppose.