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A new role for ‘Conjugal Lawyers’?

David Blunkett, Britain’s blind Home Secretary proved his blindness extends far beyond mere eyes.

New sex offence laws to be unveiled by the Government next month could include a crackdown on date rape.

Under the proposed law, reportedly being introduced by Home Secretary David Blunkett, men accused of rape will have to prove they made efforts to ensure their sexual partners gave agreement.

They will no longer be able to rely on the defence of “honest belief”, a legal loophole where suspects can be acquitted if they genuinely believed the alleged victim wanted sex.

What happened to the presumption of innocence? This is utter madness. Rape is an appalling crime, but how exactly can a guy who “genuinely believed the alleged victim wanted sex” somehow prove it to be a justified believe? Is he expected to get a second opinion from some third party before continuing at each stage? Perhaps lawyers like David Carr will find an new lucrative source of business as ‘dating lawyers’, sitting at the bottom of the bed and witnessing each declaration of consent.

    Him: May I touch you there, my dear?
    Her: Oooo, yes please!
    Lawyer: Consent recorded.
    Him: Oh yeah, baby…
    Her: Ahhhhhh….
    Lawyer: Umm, is that ‘Ahhhh yes’ or ‘Ahhhhh no’?
    Her: Yes! Yes!
    Lawyer: Consent recorded.
    Him: Lean back a bit…Oooooo!
    Her: Mmmmm… a little lower darling.
    Lawyer: Hold it! As your lawyer I must advise you that if you proceed, it could be construed as potentially non-consensual as she has clearly stated you are not touching her exactly where she wishes to be touched! Whilst not admitting anything to the generality of the foregoing on behalf of my client, I must advise my client to, er, withdrawn and seek written confirmation before continuing…

6 comments to A new role for ‘Conjugal Lawyers’?

  • Yeah I can see this will really help my “romantic” image when I have to bring along my solicitor to provide advice to me when I’m supposed to be on a “hot” date…..

  • Desperate Dan

    Once upon a time, using secret tape recorders during sex was just for pervs 🙂 Now we all have the perfect excuse 😉

  • Julian Morrison

    Convenient how the male rage (and consequent increase in *real* rapes) this would cause, would have the effect of terrifying women into the clutches of the “feminists”.

  • Lars

    Time to quickly develop software to print out a legally binding document suitable to produce at the right moment for a signature denoting consent… in triplicate. Ah, romance…

  • Paul Marks

    It will mean that sexual intercourse will have to take place under conditions of a contract.

    Kant thought that marriage was such a contract (with the couple contracting to use each others sexual equipment). But Hegal (and modern lawyers) denied this is what marriage was (hence the idea of rape within marriage).

    Therefore when this doctrine of the only legal sex being sex where one can PROVE consent becomes law the only legal sex will be prostitution. It is certainly hard to see non prostitutes drawing up sex contracts before the act.

    What an odd society we live in.

    Paul Marks.

  • Perry, do you remember a few years back when Antioch College (in my home state of Ohio, *shudder*) enacted similar rules? It was in the Student Code of Conduct — you had to obtain permission from the other person before making any, ahem, logical progression in romantic proceedings.

    This was soundly mocked nationwide, and for good reason. If you’ve just taken someone’s pants off and they’re (again, *ahem*) jumping at the bit to get going, I think you can safely assume you don’t need to say:

    “Honey? Yes, I realize you’ve just taken your pants off and have jumped onto the bed, pulling me down by the neck like a rabid coyote, but is it ok if I take your top off, too?”

    And yet it persists.

    Of course, Antioch is filled with latter-day hippies and they think this sort of thing is well-advised.