We are developing the social individualist meta-context for the future. From the very serious to the extremely frivolous... lets see what is on the mind of the Samizdata people.
Samizdata, derived from Samizdat /n. - a system of clandestine publication of banned literature in the USSR [Russ.,= self-publishing house]
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“Good evening, this is the news from the EBC.
The Security Commissioner today announced the final destruction of one of the last remaining internet cabals. (Older readers may recall the “internet”; it was a sort of primitive precursor to Maxitel, but being utterly unregulated provided means for various perverts and seditious libellers to conspire against the peace of our Community.) Members of this grouping, the so-called ” [CENSORED] Samizdata [/CENSORED]” were taken into custody. Viewers will be happy to learn that these once-recalcitrant citizens made a full recantation and apology for their crimes before sadly dying of AIDS all on the same day.
Meanwhile at the Hague, the trial for War Crimes of ex-President Bush of the area formerly known as the United States continues. His court appointed defence lawyer (required by the somewhat archaic procedure of the tribunal), Maitre Cherie Booth, while admitting that Bush’s so-called “War on Terror” held back for several years our present happy accommodation with the Protector of the Three Holy Places, did at least pursue in the last years of his presidency economic policies that controlled currency speculation and protected the environment by reversing the selfish phenomenon of economic growth.
Some more good news is that, as part of the widely-popular Drive for Health, the bread ration has been reduced again…
“Good evening, this is the news from the BBC.
Stars from the world of music and entertainment are converging on London’s Wembley Stadium for this weekend’s charity concert, ‘EuropAid’. The aim of the concert is to raise millions of dollars to provide much-needed food, tents and medical supplies for starving Europeans. Veteran music star, now political activist, Britney Spiers, who is organising the concert, has said she will meet with the French Ambassador to London, Bertrand Maginot to discuss his concerns. Monsieur Maginot has denounced the concert as ‘arrogant American imperialism’ and has warned that money given must have ‘no strings attached’.
Meanwhile, reports are coming in from Germany that six people have been killed in a stampede and riot following attempts by Red Cross officials to distribute parcels of rice and flour in Hamburg.
Israeli Prime Minister Dana International is coming under increasing pressure from Washington to withdraw Israeli troops from Isreali-controlled areas of Tehran. Prime Minister International assured Washington that troops would be withdrawn as soon as what she termed ‘mopping up operations’ had been completed. Speaking from the Whitehouse, President Glenn Reynolds said that it was important that the peace process remained on track but stressed that there could be no question of Israel returning to it’s pre-2010 borders without realistic guarantees of security.
At a press conference in Downing Street, Prime Minister Tony Blair has quashed rumours that he intends to retire on his 75th Birthday. Mr.Blair said that he felt as energetic as ever and still had a great deal to accomplish. Mr.Blair used the opportunity to lend his support to a new campaign being launched by the Clone Rights group Human 2. The campaign follows publication of a damning report which highlighted numerous cases of discrimination against Cloned people in employment, housing and health care. Mr.Blair said that Clonism is a ‘terrible blight on our society’ and had to end
And now for the weather…..”
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Academy of Drivelling Idiots is proud to announce its award for Best Writer in a Terrorist-Supporting Role. And the nominations are:
Ted Rall for How We Lost Afghanistan
“The principal goal of this adventure in imperialistic vengeance, it seems obvious, should be to install a friendly government in Kabul. But we’re winning neither hearts nor minds among either the commoners or the leadership of the current regime apparent”
Robert Fisk for The Awesome Cruelty of a Doomed People
“And then how easy was our failure to recognize the new weapon of the Middle East which neither Americans or any other Westerners could equal: the despair-driven, desperate suicide bomber.”
John Pilger for Inevitable Ring To the Unimaginable
“Far from being the terrorists of the world, the Islamic peoples have been its victims – principally the victims of US fundamentalism, whose power, in all its forms, military, strategic and economic, is the greatest source of terrorism on earth”
Susan Sontag for The Disconnect
“The unanimity of the sanctimonious, reality-concealing rhetoric spouted by American officials and media commentators in recent days seems, well, unworthy of a mature democracy.”
And the winner is…..(rustle, rustle, rustle)…..ROBERT FISK
(Whoops, cheers, wild applause)
FISK: Thank you. Thank you. I am not worthy of this award. I am not worthy of being so honoured. For I, too, am guilty. I, too, am an opressor (wipes way tear). Save your awards and your honours for all the hapless victims of global capitalism and American imperialism. They are the real heroes and I accept this award on their behalf. I thank you
(More whoops, cheers, wild applause, standing ovation)
The EU parliament has indicated its warm support for a new draft Directive which will regulate conversations between EU citizens.
The new Directive, which is the brainchild of French MEP, Bertrand Maginot will provide a legislative framework to ensure democratic oversight of all conversations which take place within the EU.
“This law is both overdue and necessary” said Monsieur Maginot. “At present there are absolutely no controls over the things people say to each other. This is dangerous and unacceptable”
British Commissioner, Sir Crispin D’oilly-Gitte also gave his full-hearted support to the new legislation.
“We must protect our citizens from being exposed to inaccurate or dishonest things”, he said. “This law is an important step forward to a safer and more democratic Europe”
Dismissing the concerns of civil liberties groups, he added:
“These people are just wreckers. This law will increase freedom in Europe. Everyone will be able to converse with confidence; safe in the knowledge that they are not being exposed to wrong ideas and bad information”
The new law will require any EU citizen wishing to have a conversation with another EU citizen, to first send a draft text of their proposed conversation to a Conversation Monitoring Officer (CMO) who will be appointed at national level. The CMO will check the text for honesty, accuracy and consistency with democratic European values.
Provided the text meets the required standards, the applicant will be given permission to hold their conversation with such other person or persons as are identified in the initial application.
“It is a simple safeguard”, said Monsieur Maginot.
Whilst the new Directive is not expected to be opposed, there is some concern at the dispute about exactly how the new regulatory regime will be funded. Swedish Social Democrat MEP, Helena Hankart has proposed that the CMO service be free to all applicants and funded out of general national taxation. However, Greek Commissioner Taxis Mitopisis is campaigning strongly for all applicants to pay a fee which will be charged according the applicant’s income.
“We have several committee meetings planned and I have no doubt we will achieve harmony on this issue”, said Ms.Hankart.
The new Directive is expected to be in force by January 1st 2003.
Q: What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
A: Phillipe Pherlop
“We just got a message from Saddam Hussein. The good news is that he’s willing to have his nuclear, biological and chemical weapons counted. The bad news is that he wants Arthur Andersen to do it”.
– George W. Bush (I kid you not!)
The splendid Julia Gorin puts the boot in right where it is needed regarding the psychopathology of the Anti-gun male
He often accuses men with guns of “compensating for something.” The truth is quite the reverse. After all, how is he supposed to feel knowing there are men out there who aren’t intimidated by the big bad inanimate villain? How is he to feel in the face of adolescent boys who have used the family gun effectively in defending the family from an armed intruder? So if he can’t touch a gun, he doesn’t want other men to be able to either. And to achieve his ends, he’ll use the only weapon he knows how to manipulate: the law.
Read the whole thing. Prepare to laugh until it hurts.
Have fun and experience a sense of premonition reading an article titled Microsoft launches ‘seek and destroy’ XBox by the The Brains Trust (Trust Us / We Know), a satirical on-line netpaper.
That’s why Internet Explorer 6 can automatically send us error reports containing a list of every piece of non Microsoft software installed on your machine, your name, address and credit card details and the 100 porn sites you last visited. It’s our way of being more responsive to our users.
The author takes on many issues, namely Microsoft, Bill Gates and privacy using the kind of journalistic and marketing speak that just begs to be sent up the way The Brains Trust contributors has been doing for the last year or so.
[Editor: Adriana is being naive: there is nothing satirical about this, it is serious reporting!  ]
There is an ever-so-slight ‘1962’ feeling in the air now that the Pentagon has issued (or ‘leaked’ depending on the news source) its Nuclear Hit-List which includes Syria, Iran, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Russia and China. It must be just a little unsettling to know that somewhere in a mountain silo is a thermonuclear device with your name on it.
And I’ll bet that drawing up that list was a tough one (“No, no. Mr. President, please, there is just no strategic justification for adding France to the list!”).
But Washington has breached the taboo and I see no reason why I should not gleefully jump on the bandwagon. So I have drawn my own ‘Nuclear Hit-List’ and it reads as follows:
1. Brussels
2. Noam Chomsky
3. The Guardian
4. Brussels
5. The BBC
6. Jack Straw
7. Brussels
Oh and Brussels.
I wish to make it clear that I maintain an official ‘no-first strike’ policy
Steven Green has modestly put himself forward for consideration as the next Pope. However John-Paul II has given the Vodka Pundit some sound ex cathedra advice about the wisdom of taking his job.
Over on Blithering Idiot, blogger Will Sulik has a hilarious post called Hermeneutics in Everyday life which needs some libertarian perspectives added:
14. An anarcho-libertarian refuses to acknowledge the validity of the repressive state to place force-backed STOP signs and accelerates past.
15. A minarchist libertarian halts at the STOP sign and waits for evolutionary epistemology to transform the understanding of society-state relationships to the point where all roads become private property.
16. An Randian refuses to see any objective reason to STOP at the sign and plows into the back of the minarchist, causing automotive catallaxy.
‘Crypto-Libertarian-in-denial’ Brian Linse is mistaken as to which weapon was the result of the humourous ‘which weapon are you?’ test: Dale Amon was the H&K PDW…my result was
Alas as Brian points out, the only weapon I can legally own in Britain is… a squirt gun. 
At least if I am attacked by a female mugger, I can try to instigate an impromptu wet tee-shirt contest.
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Who Are We? The Samizdata people are a bunch of sinister and heavily armed globalist illuminati who seek to infect the entire world with the values of personal liberty and several property. Amongst our many crimes is a sense of humour and the intermittent use of British spelling.
We are also a varied group made up of social individualists, classical liberals, whigs, libertarians, extropians, futurists, ‘Porcupines’, Karl Popper fetishists, recovering neo-conservatives, crazed Ayn Rand worshipers, over-caffeinated Virginia Postrel devotees, witty Frédéric Bastiat wannabes, cypherpunks, minarchists, kritarchists and wild-eyed anarcho-capitalists from Britain, North America, Australia and Europe.
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