We are developing the social individualist meta-context for the future. From the very serious to the extremely frivolous... lets see what is on the mind of the Samizdata people.

Samizdata, derived from Samizdat /n. - a system of clandestine publication of banned literature in the USSR [Russ.,= self-publishing house]
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Who’s a pretty boy then?

· European Union · How very odd!

Will the German embassy protest, one wonders? Hardly the spirit of reconciliation.

January 19th, 2004 | 10 comments - (Comments are closed)

To catch a thief…

· How very odd! · UK affairs

The Conservative Party (or as Monty Python would put it, the Silly Party) has a cunning plan to cut bureaucracy. Appoint bureaucrats to decide how much bureaucracy is really necessary!

Now why didn’t I think of that?

January 8th, 2004 | 9 comments - (Comments are closed)

Santa also has turtles

· How very odd!

Tomorrow night, chez moi, Michael Jennings is giving a talk. It’s the last Friday of the month, and a talk chez moi is the rule. He’ll be offering a comparative study of Christmas around the world. Christmas is most fun in non-Christian countries he said today, because although they like it – it’s a big party/holiday after all, and who doesn’t like a big party/holiday? – they don’t always get it. Are you going to mention the Father Christmas who got crucified in a Japanese shop window? – I asked. I was saving that he said.

Not as weird as that, but a bit weird, is this picture of Santa Claus under water at the Beijing Aquarium, stroking a giant turtle. Why? Does Santa not have enough on his plate delivering toys to children everywhere? Aren’t reindeers enough of a headache without him getting involved also with underwater creatures?

Meanwhile, here is information penned in 1997 but presumably not that out of date about Christmas in Japan. Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony and Christmas Cakes are the two big things, apparently.

December 25th, 2003 | 4 comments - (Comments are closed)

Olde English Ghosts?

· How very odd! · UK affairs

I don’t believe in ghosts but even I have to confess that this qualifies as spooky:

Closed-circuit security cameras at Hampton Court Palace, the huge Tudor castle outside London, seem to have snagged an ethereal visitor. Could it be a ghost?

“We’re baffled too — it’s not a joke, we haven’t manufactured it,” said Vikki Wood, a Hampton Court spokeswoman, when asked if the photo the palace released was a Christmas hoax. “We genuinely don’t know who it is or what it is.”

In the still photograph, the figure of a man in a robe-like garment is shown stepping from the shadowy doorway, one arm reaching out for the door handle.

The area around the man is somewhat blurred, and his face appears unnaturally white compared with his outstretched hand.

“It was incredibly spooky because the face just didn’t look human,” said James Faukes, one of the palace security guards.

“My first reaction was that someone was having a laugh, so I asked my colleagues to take a look. We spoke to our costumed guides, but they don’t own a costume like that worn by the figure. It is actually quite unnerving,” Faukes said.

Follow the link and have a good look at the photograph. At first site, I will admit that the image is quite unsettling. However, it is not a ghost. Even if one accepts that human beings can survive physical death and then flit between this world and the next in ethereal form, how, exactly, do they manage to do so while remaining fully dressed? It would take quite a lot of convincing to persuade me that garments possess an eternal soul.

So perhaps this is an elaborate fake? Or some trick of the light? If it is the work of pranksters they deserve some credit for conjuring up such an admirably creepy illusion.

December 20th, 2003 | 32 comments - (Comments are closed)

Goodness gracious great balls of ice

· How very odd! · Science & Technology

If anything odd happens to the weather, they blame Global Warming and say that therefore it will get worse and that we are to blame. We Brought It On Ourselves. But it must be admitted that it, in this case, is rather startling:

BARCELONA, Spain — A Spanish-American scientific team will be scanning the United States this winter for what might be one of the weirdest byproducts of global warming: great balls of ice that fall from the sky.

The baffling phenomenon was first detected in Spain three years ago and has since been reported in a number of other countries, including the United States. So scientists now plan to monitor in a systematic way what they call “megacryometeors” — or great balls of ice that fall from the sky.

“I’m not worried that a block of ice may fall on your head,” said Dr. Jesus Martinez-Frias of the Center for Astrobiology in Madrid. “I’m worried that great blocks of ice are forming where they shouldn’t exist.”

Ice balls, which generally weigh 25 to 35 pounds but can be much bigger, have punched holes in the roofs of houses, smashed through car windshields, and whizzed right past people’s heads.

How very odd, as we say here. And as you constantly say if you are a regular reader of Dave Barry.

It’s tempting to start speculating where, and upon whom or what, we would most like one of these things to land.

December 15th, 2003 | 12 comments - (Comments are closed)

Dead man’s mobile ringing

· How very odd!

This is a classic weird trivia story, dug up (not to say exhumed) by one of Dave Barry‘s army of weird trivia searchers.

Marc Marchal, 32, died such a dreadful death that the undertakers advised his family that his coffin should be closed when they said their final farewells. But the undertakers forgot about one little thing:

The family of a dead motorcyclist are pressing charges against bungling Antwerp undertakers after the man’s mobile phone began ringing in his coffin as they sat beside it in a chapel of rest.

There is no answer to that. I am guessing there was not, anyway.

November 21st, 2003 | 2 comments - (Comments are closed)

World Toilet Day

· How very odd!

Okay, I have fifteen minutes left today, November 19th, to tell you what Dave Barry told his readers a blog-age ago (yesterday): today is World Toilet Day.

Says who? The World Toilet Organization,that’s who. So now you know what WTO really stands for.

Here is the World Toilet Day Press Release, which lists ten things everyone can do. My favourite is number 7:

Treat the public toilet you are in, as if its in your own home.

Their punctuation. In my case that would mean cleaning it only rarely, but putting up lots of bookshelves.

November 19th, 2003 | 2 comments - (Comments are closed)

A shortage of sand in Saudi Arabia

· How very odd! · Middle East & Islamic

What would happen if the Sahara Desert went communist? – For fifty years nothing, then a shortage of sand. Remember that old joke? Well, have a read of this, from the BBC earlier in the week:

Saudi Arabia has reportedly imposed strict border checks to enforce a ban on the export of sand.

There are fears that the growing demands of the construction industry could lead to a shortage in the desert kingdom.

The Arab News newspaper reports that neighbouring Bahrain needs to import large quantities of sand for reclaiming land from the sea.

Demand is also expected to grow as the process of reconstruction in Iraq gathers pace.

Although sand remains plentiful in Saudi Arabia, construction experts say the high costs of bagging and transporting make exploiting it difficult.

Experts have told the newspaper that if a mechanism could be devised to move sand from the vast desert region known as the Empty Quarter, it could be a very profitable proposition.

As the paper points out, there is more sand in the kingdom than oil.

Cement is also in high demand, the report says, with many cement factories having to expand their production capabilities to meet domestic demand.

We speculated here that if the Americans went into Iraq they could then put pressure on Saudi Arabia. Now the American plan is revealing itself. “I know it sounds crazy, but guys, here’s the plan. We’re going to suck all the sand out of the place. We’ll have them over a barrel.”

To be more serious, I guess the thing about about sand, compared to oil, is that sand can’t, unlike oil, be controlled. Oil extraction requires expensive infrastructure manned by a highly skilled workforce. Once it’s out of the ground, it can still then be stolen and smuggled, but until then, it’s the possession of the resident power structure. But sand “extraction”? Anyone can do that.

November 8th, 2003 | 5 comments - (Comments are closed)

Dog shoots man

· How very odd!

What is the world coming to!

A French hunter was shot by his dog after he left a loaded shotgun in the boot of his car with two dogs and one of the animals accidentally stepped on the trigger, police say.

The man, from the village of Espelette in the Basque region, was admitted to hospital in the nearby town of Bayonne on Monday with leadshot injuries to the hip.

“As he was driving along, one of his dogs accidentally set off the gun,” a police official said on Wednesday.

grinning_dawg.gif

I didn’t know it was loaded, okay?

November 5th, 2003 | 16 comments - (Comments are closed)

“The halls are awash with the sound of mucus …”

· How very odd!

This story offers a new slant on how the USA is preparing to deal with a smallpox terrorist attack: Smallpox: A Musical:

St. Cloud, Minn. – Here’s the way doctors in St. Cloud imagine a smallpox outbreak. Panicked hospital employees scurry about in a blaze of blue scrubs. A doctor dons a biohazard suit and sprays bleach everywhere. The beleaguered workers wring their hands and then belt into song, to an oddly familiar tune.

“Smallpox, smallpox, what a challenge for our docs,” they sing to the tune of “Charleston.”

It’s a performance of Smallpox: A Musical. Covers of hit musical tunes are cleverly revised to tell the story of mucus – that nefarious transmitter of smallpox.

Suddenly, the familiar sounds of music are back.

“The halls are awash, with the sound of mucus. And everyday ills, are now shown the door. ‘Cause deep in our hearts, what has so confused us, is fevers and pustules and festering sores,” sing hospital workers to the melody of “The Sound of Music.”

The musical is the brainchild of Dr. Daniel Whitlock, vice president of medical affairs at St. Cloud Hospital. But these days, in addition to his administrative role, Whitlock is busy making casting calls. His eyes twinkle as he runs a hand through his silver hair.

“I thought you’d be a good one,” he says to a perspective recruit, “because you have stage presence. And you’re dynamic.”

The medical profession has always been a bastion of bad taste and gallows humour. It seems to be my day for confirming stereotypes.

November 3rd, 2003 | 2 comments - (Comments are closed)

Mr Justice ZZZZZZZZ

· How very odd!

It’s good to see an ancient stereotype confirmed, this time the one about British judges being less than completely alert and on the ball on all occasions.

One of the men convicted of plotting to snatch £200 million worth of diamonds from the Millennium Dome has lodged grounds of appeal alleging that the judge at his Old Bailey trial fell asleep more than once during the hearing.

Lawyers for Raymond Betson are trying to trace two witnesses who were present at the trial and may be able to give evidence about when Judge Michael Coombe dozed off.

Betson’s claim – part of his challenge to his conviction of conspiracy to rob – was disclosed in the Court of Appeal today when his case was delayed for at least seven weeks.

Betson’s counsel, Edmund Romilly, said: “Statements from two people present at the trial show that the judge fell asleep on a number of occasions. We have been making efforts to contact these people, so far without success.”

All of which confirms that old Peter Cook sketch from Beyond The Fringe about how, when you get old and doddery and useless, you had to stop doing mining, but that this didn’t apply at all if you did judging.

I don’t know what else this proves. Probably that most court cases, even about dramatic events such as this attempted Dome robbery – which was like something in a Peter Sellers movie – are stupefyingly boring.

November 3rd, 2003 | 2 comments - (Comments are closed)

Altered images

· Arts & Entertainment · How very odd!

I think this is a fascinating site, specialising in before-and-after plastic surgery star photos, which I found via one of my regular favourites, b3ta.com. “Crap plastic surgery”, they call it, but I say that there’s a bit more to all this than just the chance to jeer at silly celebs with fat lips and boobs that go in an out from one year to the next. As always, where the celebs go now, millions more will follow.

One of my absolute favourites, Meg Ryan, as is pointed out at the site itself, has been made to look like Susan Dey (of LA Law fame). I adore both these ladies, but even so, what Ryan has done to herself is to me off-putting. She’s just not Meg Ryan any more, which I suppose it the whole idea. Presumably Meg Ryan was fed-up with making dark, serious, scary, explosive movies, packed with implausible action and profound human wickedness, and everyone saying “We preferred you in When Harry Met Sally“, so she decided to smash up her original face and change herself into something else.

When I first saw the MR “trout pout” on the cover of a trashy made-up-news-mag, I thought, ugh!! But maybe the magazines had photoshop-enhanced it. According to this it’s not too bad.

However, according to this, she’s turned herself into Molly Ringwald.

What Britain’s TV equivalent of Meg Ryan, Leslie Ash, has had done to herself is, however, truly scary. Google google. See what I mean.

What makes the Ryan and Ash lipo-enhancements so unnerving is that we’ve got used to these ladies with their regular faces. So when you see them now, you can’t forget that that isn’t the real shape of their faces and they’ve got bits of their bums in there. That’s not good.

And would you believe: Al Pacino? He seems to have said: “Make me look more like Dustin Hoffman!”

On the face of it this is all down-market tittle-tattle of the trailer-trashiest sort, of interest to the kind of lunatics who (like me) enjoy all the mad rubbish that b3ta links to, but to nobody else. But as so often with b3ta there’s deadly serious stuff in among the photoshopped squirrels with eagle-heads and pictures of weird people with huge eyes for no reason. It’s clear that something very profound is going on with our culture here. We have entered the age of the artificial body.

What’s going on? It starts with the obvious, which is that people who now want to change their bodies now can change their bodies.

It reminds me a bit of what Alice Bachini was blogging about yesterday, which got a lot of admiring attention. That posting was about a person changing their entire voice and become a different person, without necessarily meaning to. With plastic surgery, you change your entire look, and become a different person while very much meaning to, in much the same way that Meg Ryan seems to want to be a different sort of actress.

The strangest transformation of all which I found at Awful Plastic Surgery is that the charming Marie Osmond has had herself re-engineered into the monstrous Ruby Wax. Why would anyone want to make that transition? The answer is probably: she didn’t. Plastic surgery is still only a bet that it will turn out better than before rather than worse. (Ask Leslie Ash!) But already it’s a bet that millions are placing.

Personally I think it is all most undignified, like changing your name because you don’t like the one you’ve got.

October 18th, 2003 | 12 comments - (Comments are closed)
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