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The Unbearable reality of arctic Russia

Terrible news from the far north of Russia as the autumnal equinox nears. Russian scientists in a weather station are unable to take daily readings of sea temperatures, as they are besieged by polar bears. Unfortunately, it seems, bears are not scared of flares, the scientists’ only means of defence, and the scientists have no weapons to ‘deter’ the bears. Perhaps Bjørn and Benny, as I shall call the bears, think of the scientists as a pleasant change from seal.

The BBC blames warming of course. What a dreadful irony, polar bears preventing the gathering of data on global warming. Now if hippos were to turn up, these concerns might be taken more seriously. In the meantime, some warmists might become vocal advocates for gun rights…

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29 comments to The Unbearable reality of arctic Russia

  • Andrew Duffin

    I thought warming was supposed to result in fewer polar bears.

    Clearly I must try harder to keep up.

  • bloke in spain

    Maybe these bears are (sharp intake of breath) CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS!!! (threatening music)

  • I could bearly keep from spraying tea all over my keyboard 😀

  • mike

    Wankers. You go out in the wild, you better have the necessary kit.

  • AKM

    “Maybe these bears are (sharp intake of breath) CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS!!! (threatening music)”

    Oh that’s ok then. They’re allowed to kill climate change deniers.

  • George Atkisson

    They can’t kill those poor defenseless bears! Remember Cecil the Lion! Killing a polar bear will discredit all scientific work they have ever done and make them outcasts on social media!

  • Surellin

    Lord, I went north in Canada only as far as the tree line and took a righteous proper .303 Enfield with me, just because. And the nice people at the border understood and heartily approved. I cannot imagine being in the wilds without proper tools.

    Heh, first the global-warming ship got stuck in the Antarctic last year, now this. Gaia is trying to tell us something.

  • Mr Ed

    Would it be in poor taste to ask those scientists if they pass the time barricaded in their cabin by watching the Jungle Book?

  • Greytop

    I don’t understand. Flares didn’t work? Bah! In my day, flared trousers would repel even the most inquisitive female.

  • Rob Fisher

    They don’t have guns? Madness.

  • Rob Fisher

    More importantly, what has this got to do with hippos? Are hippos dying from global warming now?

  • Laird

    Hey, another opportunity to use the “Hippos” category! Well done.

    And congratulations, Mr Ed, on your apparent ascension to the Samizdata pantheon.

  • Jerry

    ‘They don’t have guns? Madness.’

    Precisely !

    What kind of fool travels unarmed into an area where he is NOT at the top of the food chain ??

  • JohnW

    Polar bears are also racist – they pretend to be white but in fact they are black.

  • Well hippos are like bears that have shaved and occasionally stand upright to have a look around, so it seems perfectly reasonable to me!

  • Mr Ed

    Rob,

    More importantly, what has this got to do with hippos?

    The BBC blames warming of course. What a dreadful irony, polar bears preventing the gathering of data on global warming. Now if hippos were to turn up, these concerns might be taken more seriously

    I believe more people are killed annually by hippos than polar bears, so that’s one fewer thing for the scientists to worry about, for now.

    Meanwhile, some words of encouragement for those scientists, as they face long odds of fending off Bjørn and Benny, they could adapt the last words of Captain Kennedy RN of HMS Rawalpindi as he faced up alone to the Scharnhorst and Gneisenau.

    We shall stand and fight them both, and we shall be lunch*, and that will be that. Goodbye!“.

    Captain Kennedy said, although reports vary, ‘sunk‘ for ‘lunch‘.

  • Regional

    Bit coins from seals?

  • Thailover

    Well, it should be noted that since the paternalistic powers in developed nations have started raising gun “awareness”, reported incidences of shootings committed by polar bears have become virtually nonexistent.

  • Thailover

    JohnW, I have a preferace for green polar bears, but I suppose that makes me racist.

  • JohnW

    Thailover, yep, you’re a racist – off to the re-education camps for you!

  • Patrick Crozier

    Mr Ed,

    Welcome to Samizdata. Hope you’re getting along with the ceremonial Kalashnikov.

  • Mr Ed

    Thank you Patrick, but I have asked for the Kalashnikov to be airfreighted to a remote Arctic settlement so that Bjørn and Benny may have some fun, I would like to give them claws for thought.

  • Julie near Chicago

    JohnW, 6:17 p.m. — A most astute observation.

    It’s dreadful when humans have ruined the planet even to the point that our superiors the Polar Bears have been debauched!

  • Snorri Godhi

    Well hippos are like bears that have shaved and occasionally stand upright to have a look around

    Presumably that was meant to be:
    Well hippos are like bears that have shaved and **bears are like hippos that** occasionally stand upright to have a look around.

    BTW have you seen, up close, a male polar bear stand up? i have, and have never felt so small.

  • Phil B

    I support the right to keep and arm bears … not that they need them against unarmed humans.

  • Paul Marks

    The one evil thing I never associated with Putin’s Russia was being P.C. about firearms.

    At least not for government employees – which these scientists would be.

    I suppose Mr Putin’s goons are busy – “on holiday” in the Ukraine, and various other places.

  • Nicholas (Rule Yourselves!) Gray

    Clearly, all the Arctic Ice has melted, and these bears are looking for places in zoos! Take them in!
    Here in Australia, Melbourne had a miserably cold winter, same as 20 years ago. The bears would feel right at home! And I read that British summers are just as cold as they used to be… Is that true?

  • Laird

    Nicholas (RG) Gray: Doesn’t Australia have a ban on refugees? Does it apply to ursine ones?

  • Nicholas (Rule Yourselves!) Gray

    Only those on boats, Laird. An Iceberg might be classified as a type of boat, but if they flew here, then no worries!

    Q. How many Polar Bears would you need to change a light bulb?

    A. None, so who cares if they do all drown?!!!