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A very London dialogue…

The setting is North End Road in Fulham, London, near a large street side food and fresh produce market. There is a stand with a whole roasting hog covered in fennel, described as ‘Italian Roast Pig’ by a large sign. It is in fact run by a couple Bulgarian guys who I know. The food tastes… exquisite. I eat there every Friday.

A man walked up to them, obviously a Muslim. He peers at the roasting pig, sniffs and look at the man inside the stand.

(Muslim bloke, pointing a large bowl of sauce. Good english with an East London accent) “Hmmm… what’s that?”

(Bulgarian proprietor. Good english with a South London accent) “Apple sauce. We make it ourselves from English apples.”

(Muslim bloke, pointing at the roasting pig) “Is that halal?”

(Bulgarian proprietor, looking perplexed) “Er… not really.”

(Muslim bloke, winking) “Oh, right. I’ll have mine with the apple sauce then.”

10 comments to A very London dialogue…

  • One of the best pig roasts I’ve had was in the house of a Lebanese guy in Kuwait City. The place was chock-full of Kuwaiti Arabs in dish-dashes helping themselves to roast pork, crackling, and washing it down with large glasses of Scotch.

    There are two kinds of Muslims: those who genuinely don’t eat pork/drink alcohol, and those who don’t eat pork/drink alcohol if anyone important is watching.

  • Mr Ed

    There are two kinds of Muslims:

    There are at least two kinds of Methodists, teetotal sober types, and the odd crackhead.

    Which type would you expect to find as Chairman of the Co-operative Bank?


    Still, as the Governor of the Bank of England, I’d rather have a crackhead than Carney, singing ay ay ippy ippy oh.

  • Nick (nice-guy) Gray

    That’s all very good, but what happens if a Muslim becomes Governor of the Bank of England? Will he ban roast pig, or all banking transactions as usury?

  • James Strong

    There are not two kinds of muslims.
    There are muslims and there are those who who were born into muslim families or societies but no longer believe the nonsense of Mohammad’s Dark Ages Desert Death Cult but can’t let that be known ‘if anyone important is watching’ because of the punishment that would be inflicted on them.
    In Kuwait, if a man born to a muslim family publicly renounced his religion his place in society would be untenable even if he didn’t face the criminal law.

  • The best pig roast I’ve ever had was way back in the Midwest, by an Israeli guy who married a hillbilly who converted to Judaism and later divorced him because he was not observant enough, among other things:-P

  • Johnathan Pearce

    Love it!!!

    The North End Road market is indeed splendid. Perry – we should arrange a joint trip.

  • ap

    In the American west there is a joke about a local religious group which forbids its members alcohol.
    Q: Why should you never invite just one member of this group fishing?
    A: Because he’ll drink all your beer.

  • Fred Z

    Had dinner once with a Jew who spent the entire meal referring to his ham as ‘pink salmon’. And smiling. Or maybe smirking.

  • MI-copperhead III

    Maybe it tastes like chicken 😉