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News from the apocalyptic wastelands of the USA…

Things are also grim here in Arkham, Massachusetts but as Samizdata commenter Bobby B has managed to get this message out to the world, I had to share it with you…

Don’t know if this report will get through – the power grid is failing, internet technicians throughout the country are being deported as their work visas expire, and my federal-law-mandated ergonomic keyboard is dissolving even as I type – but I’ll send it anyway, because this news must get out.

With the total collapse of the United States of America now entering its seventeenth hour, the situation is grim. Here in Minnesota, with our frigid winter approaching, we are unable to procure supplies of heating oil and natural gas until interstate transport of these commodities resumes. Tanker trucks remain backed up for miles at our southern border awaiting the printing of additional Federal Hazardous Waste Transport Authorization forms.

Across the state, worried citizens are being confronted with grocers’ foodstocks which have received no federal inspection stamp. With hungry children waiting anxiously at home, hoping against hope that Today Will Bring Food, bewildered parents are facing for the first time in their generation the choice between saving their childrens’ lives, or obeying federal law. Across the Plains states, children are perishing in droves.

All throughout the states, ongoing and viable Alternative Sustainable Energy businesses – businesses that employ tens of people – are closing their doors and turning off their lights, no longer able to sell solar panels and windmills without the federal checks that buttress the consumers’ heavily-subsidized prices. The 12,715-year payback period for solar panels which consumers will now experience in the absence of government purchase-price subsidization has crushed this entire economic sector – the fastest-growing sector of our economy for the last seven years – leaving entire barrooms filled to capacity every evening with old Obama donation bundlers commiserating about the end of the good times and trying to sell each other their $30,000,000 coastal homes.

. . .

As I type this, the air in our underground shelter is becoming more foul and depleted. Frantic calls to the EPA for advice and support go unanswered – the phones just ring and ring. My wife says, open the damned windows, you big idiot, but I dare not, at least without proper approval. She would seemingly expose our lovely children to hazards unknown, without even bothering to check with The Authorities. Bitch.

As you can see, the walls of our suburban basement seem to be closing in on us, making us all edgy and tense and hostile. Our new Hobbesian existence strains the bonds of our shared civility, and I do believe that another day in this hell will find us treating people of differing genders and races in unequal ways, refusing to share our wealth with those among us who are too uneducated to understand that bar-hopping 24/7 will not generate wealth for themselves, and drinking unhomogenized milk.

If you read this report – if the internet remains functional for a few more hours – please – Send Warm Clothes.

24 comments to News from the apocalyptic wastelands of the USA…

  • Cynwulf

    All throughout the states, ongoing and viable Alternative Sustainable Energy businesses – businesses that employ tens of people – are closing their doors and turning off their lights

    Damn you! I snorted coffee across my keyboard when I read that bit 😀

  • Mr Ed

    I wish you all well over there. I hope that the Sun does not require a Federal Permit to shine when the EPA is shut, and that no one gets unavoidably sunburnt, especially in Alaska.

    I note that, worryingly, they appear to have shut before translating the second sentence into Spanish!

    The federal government is currently shut down. The EPA website and social media channels will not be updated until the federal government reopens. En la actualidad, el cierre del Gobierno Federal está en vigor.

  • Jaded Voluntaryist

    I can forgive Obama for many things (accidentally shutting down the government being easiest of all), but one thing I am struggling to forgive him for is ruining Mythbusters for me. I’ve been watching through it on Netflix, and I encountered a sickeningly deferential episode where POTUS strides on screen like the Kwisatz Haderach come to save the world. Adam and Jamie I’m appalled to say kissed the ring as well as any in the media.

    And yet it was all remarkably true to form for Obama. He asked them to revisit the Archimedes Death Ray. This was something they had tried twice before, at great expense, and had found to be impossible. Obama clearly thought that because it was him asking the impossible would suddenly become possible. His one variation was to ask them to “do it for the children”, so they recruited an army of beautiful multi-ethnic children – all aglow with innocent smiles ready to be inspired by whatever bones Obama deigned to toss them.

    And you know what? Once again they failed, after spending a fortune, but this time it didn’t seem to matter. When they busted it last time they seemed pretty definitive, and yet this time they went to extra effort to find all sorts of positive things to say about their failure, all because it was Obama who had asked. One would almost have thought they had succeeded from their tone.

    In many respects it accurately mirrored (pun intended) the outcome of any project commissioned by Obama. Insipid, inspirational, costly, doomed, and eulogised with denial.

  • llamas

    Bulletin – Detroit after the shutdown is a blasted wasteland of abandoned houses, wrecked cars, sporadic gunfire and untamed corruption!

    Oh, wait – never mind . . . . . .

    It’s kind of fun listening to NPR – the endless train of stories about how children will starve starting Tuesday, women and minorities hardest hit. And the constant drumbeat of how it’s all the fault of the Eeeevil Republithugs, who even now are sitting around in their mansions lighting Vega y Vegas with $100 bills and laughing about how they are ripping the food from the mouths of the starving poor.

    But even with the drumbeat, the people aren’t buying it.

    As I predicted, the Republican leadership is already wavering. They’ll fold by the weekend. Bunch of pu**ies.



  • Gary Poteat

    To Mr. Ed,

    First, if you’re the talking equine, loved your show.

    On the topic of the sun, don’t worry. The IPCC has told us that the sun has no effect on our climate (the science is settled,read AR4) so I would guess that other than affecting the output of solar panels, we won’t notice if the sun shuts down due to lack of federal supervision. However, the good news is that the way the subsidies work in most enlightened nations, the owners of solar parks (all widows and orphans with no political connections) get paid whether they produce usable power or not, so it’s all good. In Spain, solar parks use diesel generators to power high-intensity lights making sunshine unnecessary. Producing electricity cleanly and efficiently with solar panels–without the sun (for the children)–is another example of how government regulations (and subsidies) drive innovation. We could start doing that everywhere even if the machinations of evil Repubs result in a shutdown of of the strong nuclear force and the resulting fusion confusion.

    What I am really worried about is whether Bo will have to start flying in AF One with the First Family for the weekly vacation if this dastardly shutdown of the Federal government continues. Bo is much too important not to have his own transport. The rest of the world might laugh at the US if the First Dog isn’t accorded the respect he deserves. It might appear that our Fearless Leader is losing the Mandate of Heaven if Bo ain’t top dog anymore.

    Anyway, say “Hi!” to Wilbur and pardon my sarcasm.

  • CaptDMO

    More societal breakdown in the US.
    Yesterday, a MAN, with a CONCEALED GUN, and wearing a BASEBALL CAP, entered a bank in New Hampshire. After scribbling something on one of the slips at the courtesy desk he approached a teller and NONCHALLANTLY slid it to her.
    She read it, and with GREAT CALM, asked the man how he wanted her to give him the cash.
    After relaying his demands to the teller, he asked about her mothers upcoming birthday party. The teller gave the man the cash, HEROICALLY defending the safety of all other patrons (one with TWO CHILDREN) and personnel in the bank with her stoic behavior. The man was unaware of any hitch in his intent.
    The man is reported to have exchanged brief “niceties” with “other” tellers, and WAVED to the bank’s manager “in the back”. There was a moment of concern when the man “inexplicably” turned to a patron at another teller’s window and asked “You got gas for the lawn mower?” before his apparent ACCOMPLICE calmly signaled him with a nod, and walked out.
    The GUNMAN was last seen heading in the direction of the nearby post office, then possibly, the book store.

  • Mr Ed

    CaptDMO, even more scary, the gunman wasn’t an undercover cop, he didn’t go for a donut store.

    Gary, if the President keeps his pants on, the sun does not shine, so perhaps he can regulate the climate. Of course, Clinton and his pants were passing strangers.

  • Jon

    I am sorry Mrs. Foxx, why are you wasting your time sitting there talking about our freedom from Great Britain? That happened 237 years ago lady. Get with it!

  • Ernie G

    On a brighter note, the MTEB (Mattress Tag Enforcement Bureau) SWAT team has been shut down for the duration and their armored Humvee has been locked up at an undisclosed location.

  • llamas

    Well, I take it back – a little bit, maybe. Some Republicans with an ounce of sense are starting to make some Congressional moves to exploit this golden opportunity and at least try to avoid the usual Republican approach of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

    I’m referring to the efforts to pass bills to restore funding to specific popular programs, especially those which are being highlighted in the usual ‘women, minorities hardest hit’ propaganda stream that is the mainstream media. The Democrats, naturally, are strangling all such efforts at birth, using their usual definition of compromise – ‘everything we want, nothing you want’.

    It does seem as though these golden opportunities to be able to say (truthfully) ‘Look, we’re trying to fund the National Parks or the after-scool basketball, just see for yourself who is voting it down’ are not being exploited. I know it’s an uphill battle to get the message out when the media has already pre-defined the narrative, but you’d hope they could try harder.

    Similarly, you’d expect that somebody on the R side could find creative ways to exploit the images of Federal workers fencing off the Lincoln Memorial – an outdoor plaza and rotunda – to actively prevent people from entering. Breitbart would have found a way. Where’s James O’Keefe – this sort of nonsense is just tailor-made for him. What’s the betting that the RINO leadership has warned him off, via his sponsors?

    But as I watch R leaders declaring that “it could last for weeks”, I know that this most-likely means that they are about to fold. As they always do.



  • Paul Marks

    Nice ironic satire – but it might be the least worst option to have a real Federal government shutdown (not the present half hearted silliness).

    The media will crucify the Republicans no matter how many compromises they make – so Comrade Barack Obama has no incentive to negotiate (not about Obamacare, not about the debt limit, not about ANYTHING).


    Just do not vote for any more spending or borrowing – no “continuing resolutions” nothing.

    Let the Federal government collapse – and start again.

    It is hopelessly bankrupt anyway – some 17 TRILLION Dollars in debt, plus MANY TENS OF TRILLIONS in unfunded mandates. Let it go

    “But Paul without the Federal government the American military would not be in a position to protect Korea and Israel and …..”.

    I know that and I am not a Rothbardian.

    I agree that the American military has (on balance) been a great force for good in the world – and that living without it would be terrible.

    But I did say “least bad” option – things can not go on as they are, and there is no one to negotiate with (those who think Comrade Barack is going to give them a deal are insane – why would he?).

    The State governments will have to undertake defence – perhaps in a Confederation (rather than the present Federation).

    “But that means a return to the Continental Congress – a mess”.

    Not such a big a mess as what exists now.

    There are tens of millions of elderly and other people who are dependent on Federal government schemes that are totally unsustainable – State governments and VOLUNTARY ACTION (such as the Churches) will have to do what they can for these people. After all the pyramid scheme style “Great Society” programs are going to collapse (Comrade Barack will veto any scaling back of these schemes – reform is simply not a possibility).

    Nor do I see a real possibility of Chinese Legions marching into South Dakota, or a Mexican invasion of Texas.

    Indeed as regards Latin America the Federal government has been busy UNDERMINING defences against it since 1965 (for example in 1982 when the Supreme Court declared that Texas, and all other States, must give “free” education and other benefits to illegal immigrants).

    I do not think any real case can be made that the Federal government defends against American States being overrun.

    If Hispanics are loyal to the principles of private property and limited government (i.e. are enemies of “Social Justice”) then they should be WELCOMED – after all some Hispanics died DEFENDING the Alamo. And if they are Social Justice supporters (i.e. ENEMIES) the a Federal government controlled by people such as Comrade Barack Obama and Erik Holder is more likely to pay them than kick them out.

    I repeat – the Federal government is de facto bankrupt and things are going to get worse (not better). And it is controlled by dangerous and evil men (who have the full support of the academics and the media creatures).

    The Federal government has become a Clean and Present Danger to the people of the United States of America.

    There are two alternatives.

    Give in – for, I repeat, Comrade Barack has no incentive to negotiate (as the media, that product of academia, will present everything as the fault of the Republicans – regardless of how much they compromise).

    Or – let it collapse, and start again.

  • Regional

    In this berg a perp wanted to make a withdrawl from a bank, the teller said no and just looked at him.

  • Paul Marks

    llamas – what you suggest has already been tried.

    Republican House members (from the Speaker on down) have lined up to say they are prepared to vote to fund X,Y,Z.

    Congresswoman Michelle B. also led World War Two veterans to the war memorial – breaking down the barriers that kept the 90 year olds out, the lady broke down the barriers with here own hands, and the Breitbart organisation reported it.

    Yet you do not know that they are doing this.

    You do not know that the Republican members of Congress have already done what you suggest.

    Can you not see that the media is worse than even you believe it to be? Comrade Barack is not some sort of freak – he is a normal example of a certain sort of “educated” person, people like him control most of the media (just as they control most of academia and the rest of the “education system” – for example the gentle smiling local teacher, who is busy teaching children to fanatically hate everything their parents stand for).

    The game really is rigged.

    How does win a game when the game is rigged?

    One wins by refusing to play their game – and by playing a game of one’s own.

  • PersonFromPorlock

    Mr Ed
    October 2, 2013 at 1:23 pm
    Gary, if the President keeps his pants on, the sun does not shine, so perhaps he can regulate the climate. Of course, Clinton and his pants were passing strangers.

    LOL! Ed gets both ears and the tail.

  • KJB

    “…bewildered parents are facing for the first time in their generation the choice between saving their childrens’ lives, or obeying federal law.”

    Here, let me help. F the Government.

  • BrendaK

    Here in Georgia, we have so far been able to repel the roving bands of cannibals (made up furloughed government employees and laid-off defense contract workers)…but we’re running out of ammo. We only have 16,000 rounds left for the shotgun, and about 1/2 that for the rifle.

    These are the dark days, the end time. Pray for us.

  • Zarba

    Brenda, why did you let your ammo stores get so low? Everyone knows you need at least 50,000 rounds…

  • John K


    I a, sorry to hear of the Mythbusters debacle, as it is a favourite show of mine. I particularly enjoy it when they test out firearms myths, though I can see why BHO would not wish to see such experiments which can only take place in a land with the freedom to own arms. Maybe el Presidente wanted to return to the solar death ray myth in the hope it could turn into a new renewable energy boondoggle? His paymasters at Solyndra must be looking for new ways to rape the taxpayer after all.

  • John K


    October 3, 2013 at 12:49 am

    Brenda, why did you let your ammo stores get so low? Everyone knows you need at least 50,000 rounds…

    If you are the Department of Homeland Security, better make that a billion. Hollowpoints, while you’re at it.

  • dfwmtx

    With the government shut down…

    ….in Texas, we’re seeing thousands upon thousands of people crossing the border illegally. It’s like there’s no Border Patrol, it’s like the government doesn’t care that there’s thousands people people entering the country and breaking the law.

    ….in Yellowstone National Park, even with the shutdown, there’s some mysterious unnamed employee who keeps turning the faucet under Old Faithful on every fifteen minutes.

    ….in Washington, D.C. , the Teleprompter-in-Chief is unable to turn on, so that President Obama cannot comment on the NYC case of the despicable white racist (who may or may not have some Asian ancestry) who ran over the poor innocent bikers who were simply out for a ride. “I was gonna have the president say ‘If I had a son who rode motorcycles, he’d look like Edwin Mieses or Christopher Cruz’,” the teleprompter said in a written statement to the press. “But with the government shut down, and me being non-essentially, I get no paycheck. How is my wife Siri supposed to buy food for our little Speak n’ Spell?”

    ….and finally, with the government shut down, the aliens in Area 51 stopped working, and Project HAARP went offline, and without HAARP installations controlling the weather, tropical storms are now brewing in the Gulf of Mexico. And since former vice-president Gore’s pension check is unable to be cashed, he can’t go around the country and tell us how this is more proof that global climate hope and change is gonna kill us all.

  • jsallison

    ‘Nother month or two before warm clothes needed here in Okieland, Spam would be appreciated, though, and even bacon. Rat tartar is getting really old, already. Texicans keep crossing the Red River in search of feral blue-staters, we keep pointing them at Austin.

  • James Metclafe

    Would gladly send you something to help warm you up. Do you accept BitCoin? 🙂