“I would never, ever use violence against one of my own children. I usually find that waving the gun around works.”
(A line I remember – I think accurately – from the glorious Lock N’ Load CD by Denis Leary).
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How about:
Never raise your hands to your children… It leaves your belly unprotected….
Rodney Dangerfield used the line, but I don’t think he was the original author…Milton Berle, Bob Hope, W. C. Fields…. or even Larsen E. Whipsnade….
Geoff
“I’ve good kids, I love my kids. I try to bring them up the right way, not spanking them. I find that I don’t have to spank them. I find that waving the gun around pretty much gets the same job done!”
One of the great rants by Leary (NOT WORK SAFE)
STFU
It’s not always a joke. I had a friend from Afghanistan who was unhappy about his father taking a second wife. His father, a man of reputation, reached up to take a gun off the wall and my friend skedaddled right quick. This friend also told me his father would threaten to kill him if his grades didn’t improve. Since the threat was credible, he was too nervous to excel until he reached the US and could relax a bit.
I like P.J.o’Rourke’s comment. “Always explain death to your kids in great detail. Then when you threaten them with it, they will know exactly what you mean.”