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David Cameron – space kadet

I never begin to be amazed by David Cameron. Surely this man is the most visionary and inspirational rhetorical and philosophical figure of our age:

David Cameron will pledge tomorrow to work with like-minded politicians to create a new European Union..

Wow! We have never heard that before. Radical or what?

The speech will be a clear signal that Mr Cameron will not take his party out of Europe and also a message to supporters who are considering deserting to UKIP that he will try to change the EU.

And I, for one, absolutely believe him. This Cameron fellow is like a breath of fresh air and good old-fashioned, down-to-earth common sense. Well, not quite down-to-earth perhaps.

“A visitor from Mars, witnessing the signing of the declaration, would take a close look of the inner workings of the EU and…”

Blast the whole thing to smithereens with a giant death-ray?

“…observe earnest discussions about reviving constitutions, transfers of competence, relative voting weights and other distractions.”

Ah, yes. Those Martians are so nuanced and sophisticated.

“But the intelligent Martian would say the EU should be focusing on the economic challenges of globalisation and the urgent need to reform European economies so that it could maintain its prosperity. It should also concentrate on the challenge of climate change and the need for swift action at all levels to slow the rate of global warming. And it should be absorbed by the moral and security challenge of global poverty.”

He is definitely onto something here. After all, the policy-making imperatives of the European Union are the hot topic of conversation on the Martian dinner-party circuit.

David Cameron – a Carefully Understated Natural Tory.

18 comments to David Cameron – space kadet

  • David Cameron talks to Martians? I suppose he tried God but Tony Blair was hogging the line.

  • Rich

    David Cameron – a Carefully Understated Natural Tory.

    Now that would make a great T-Shirt.

  • Paul Marks

    I think the last line was mocking Charles Moore’s description of Mr Cameron.

    Mr Moore is a good man, but he is was mistaken about David Cameron.

    As for Mr Cameron’s words on the E.U.:

    So the E.U. is to do lots of things (more so than it is now), but those of us who wish to get Britain out of the E.U. (indeed would like to see all countries leave the E.U. and the disgusting extra layer of government no longer exist), should support Mr Cameron, because………. well no reason.

    Perhaps this can all be explained in terms of internal Conservative party faction interaction – but I am not interested in such antics (and neither are most other people).

  • Jewels (AKA Julian)

    and on that note

    UFO science key to halting climate change: former Canadian defense minister


  • Paul Marks

    By the way, what was the stuff about the “security challenge” of poverty supposed to be about?

    Is this the false theory that terrorists want to kill us because they are poor.

    The terrorists (both for 9/11 in the United States and for 7/7 here) were not poor, and were not really interested in poverty.

    “Aid, there must be more aid”,

    More government aid will not reduce poverty (it will increase it) and the terrorism has nothing to do with poverty anyway.

    If Mr Cameron really wants to give poor people money he can start with me (and use his own or, more likely, his wife’s money) – I am poor, perhaps I will become a terrorist unless he gives me lots of money.

    As for “the environment” – is this the C02 thing?

    In which case I look forward to David Cameron supporting atomic power stations – accept that would upset “Zac” Goldsmith (with all his millions of Pounds), so that is not likely.

  • Wolfie

    Martians would do well to listen to David Cameron on Global Warming. They obviously need some help stopping the melting of their ice caps.

    (I think a writer on Samizdata may have linked to this before)

  • I think that Paul Marks does Dismal Dave a disservice. I think he’s well aware that most terrorists are rich and that’s why he wants action on poverty. He wants more of it so as to reduce the terrorist population!

  • Julian Taylor

    The line “David Cameron – a Carefully Understated Natural Tory” has had me laughing for at least the past 5 minutes, thank you very much for that.

    What is sad is that the New Conservative Party would probably think that sends a viable and reflective message, and use it without considering its true meaning. I can only hope they do so.

    Perhaps they might also feel that Mr Camerons views on Europe are those of a “Worldly Aware New Kinship on European Re-integration”.

  • nick G.

    Re Martian Death Rays.
    Would Martians be allowed to carry these with them, or would they need to store them in the cloakroom? I think Europol would simply confiscate the Death Ray, and try to make their own. Besides, what are Martians doing here? Did they get a visa? Have they had their shots?
    And the only Martian death Ray I know about was discussed on the ‘Bugs’ Bunny Show, and it was going to blow up the whole planet! A bit extreme, I think, though it would certainly solve our Brussels problem.

  • MarkE

    The boy joins a depressingly long line of British politicians who ask the same question, and always get the same wrong answer:

    Given the choice between staying with the EU we have got, or leaving it, we choose…

    pretending (perhaps even to ourselves) that we can and will change it to what we want.

    Until we get a party leader who recognises the flaw in this policy, we’re stuck in the EU we don’t want.

  • The Dude

    I think Tory leaders fully well realise the EU cannot be reformed, it’s just platitudes to appease the terminally bewildered. Otherwise known as the “Tory Voter”.

  • Is this “Moonbats Named Cameron Month” or something?

  • Paul Marks

    I seem to remember another moonbat Cameron (James?) who specialized in making leftist propaganda shows for the B.B.C. – for example I remember one about how well the People’s Republic of China was treating the people of Tibet.

    The problem (or one of the many problems) with David Cameron is that he and his supporters will take attacks from places like this as a point in his favour.

    No doubt we are all “closet racists” (even those of us who are black) and other such.

    It is not “modern” and “progressive” to get powers back from the E.U. (even though its demands now determine most new regulations – according to the German government almost 80% of them). And it is also not modern and progressive to want to reduce government spending on things like “aid to the third world” (no matter how much harm this “aid” does).

    Ditto it is evil to support the independence of any individual or group from the state. All individuals and groups (whether religous or secular) must act in a certain way – supporting the state’s “equality agenda”, “social justice”, and so on.

    For example, if one says that Roman Catholic adoption agencies must not be forced to give children for adoption to homosexuals, one is a “homophope” – even if one is oneself a homosexual.

    The idea that voluntary associations should be independent of the state and that freedom of association includes the freedom not to associate is totally “alien” to Mr Cameron’s way of thinking.

    Indeed people who believe in traditional liberties might as well “be from Mars” as far as he is concerned.

  • Midwesterner

    Not ALL Camerons are bad. There is one that I have a crush on; one who really does wonder about the things that really matter.

  • Paul Marks

    Yes it was J.C. Maxwell who first stated that (for example) if a man shines a beam of light in front of him and does not chase after it, and another man did chase after it (say at twenty miles an hour) the beam of light moved away from both men at the same speed.

    I remember that when I found out (at school) that physics taught such things I lost interest in the subject. I do deny that such things are true – I just have no interest in such a universe.

  • Paul Marks

    Of course I meant to type “I do not deny such things are true” – an important “not”.

    It is just that a universe where (for example) the distance between a man and a beam of light extends as quickly for a man who chases after it as for a man who does not holds no interest for me.

  • Nick M

    I was about to make a crack contra Mid to the effect that given my experience with physics and astrophysics he’d have his wor cut-out competing with me for the affections of the lovely Ms Diaz.

    Then I realised that did actually get Thaddeus’s joke about the beloved leader of Her Majesty’s loyal opposition and I didn’t feel half as clever.

  • Nick M

    that should, of course, have been “work”. I’m going to be very quiet now.