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Be still my beating heart!!

Three cheers and hip, hip, hooray for London will indeed host the 2012 Olympics.

Sing halleluiahs and hosannas for mere, prosaic words alone cannot even begin to express the happiness that courses through my heart like a swollen river. My cup runneth over and my soul doth soar like a lark ascending the azure, cloudless, sunlit summer sky.

If only another miracle would open up a hole in space-time through the next seven pointless, dreary years so that I could, this very day, cast my eyes upon the blazing, towering Olympic torch as it shines like a beacon of hope over my home town while I fervently pray from below that I may be touched by just a few humble rays of that glory. Then my life would surely be complete.

I want to jump for joy. I want to dance till dawn. I want to reach out my hands to every single one of my fellow human beings, gather them all into my arms and hug them like long-lost children. I want to capture the stars, leap over the moon and fly along the milky-way.

But before I do any of those things, I must quickly dash into the toilet and vomit my guts up. Excuse me.

14 comments to Be still my beating heart!!

  • PJ

    It will certainly solve all our problems and lead to a higher quality of life generally.

    It’s only good because the French lost.

    I would have voted for Madrid or New York myself.

  • Pleasant as it is to beat the French again in the aniversary year of Trafalgar, and at the risk of rapidly establishing myself as Mr Downbeat, isn’t this just an example of Keynesian expansion, like Roosevelt’s public works, the Channel Tunnel, and so on?

    The theory is always that an injection of state spending will breathe new life into the economy, with all sorts of indirect benefits that will accrue one day. But out-of-control public spending is always followed by a hangover, regardless of the excuse used.

    Los Angeles 1984 is the only Olympiad ever to make a significant profit, and this is because it did very little work on its transport system or building a new stadium, i.e. it didn’t use the games as an excuse to practise Keynesian expansion.

    By contrast, Montreal taxpayers are still paying for the 1976 games!

    And here’s what happened in Athens: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3815247.stm

  • Ah. I may have missed a spot of sarcasm somewhere.

  • Chirac’s discomfiture is almost worth it … but not quite

  • There is nothing good about this…period. Its a very very black day for London and the UK.

  • zmollusc

    Hoorah! Now watch in awe as our finely honed building industry swings smoothly into action to execute the exquisitely drafted plans drawn up by our genius ruling class! I bet our olympic venues will be finished well ahead of schedule and under budget.
    It will be a triumph of which we can feel justly proud.
    America will be clamouring to become a colony again and benefit from our wise leadership.

  • Julian Taylor

    Three Cheers for Ms Tessa Jawohl, our new Minister For The Olympics, Minister for Cultchewer, Meeja and Sport and and occasional co-conspirator in the underhand export of aircraft to Iran [Warning: Guardian Link]. Of course we now need to maintain balance and have a Minister For The Paralympics following the main event. Perhaps I might suggest:

    Rt Hon David Blunkett, “I see no expenditure.”
    Rt Hon Steven Byers, “Who gives a damn about the expenditure?”
    …. and of course, our dear little ‘Sir’ Bob Geldorf, “Just give me all your fokken expenditure.”

  • Tim

    Tessa Jowell’s record on delivery?

    I had a Google around, and I can’t see that she has delivered anything.

  • I wish it could have been in New York City, just out of curiosity to know what The Worst Traffic Humans Could Ever Create would look like.

    Man, it would take the Vogon Constructor Fleet to break up those traffic jams.

  • Nope. If we in the U.S. wanted to be back under youse guys’s thumbs we would still clamor and not clamour.

  • Hey, why don’t y’all come down here to Olympics-Free Texas in 2012? Watch the Olympics the best way – as far away from the games as possible. Maybe by that time I’ll be able to afford a big house for big parties, if eminent domain doesn’t take over them all.

  • Tim


    Thanks for the invite. I’ll stay here and watch it, as I’ve actually paid for the thing, however strong the temptation to visibly show my disgust by leaving for the 3 weeks.

    However, I’d like to hear about any industrial countries that have a people whose culture has matured to the point that the recognise what a Keynesian crock the Olympic games are, and simply won’t bid on it.

  • Well there are some far bigger boondoggles around, based on the LSE’s low estimate we could have 4 Olympic Games for the cost of the ID Cards. And at least with the Olympics there will be something left behind that is of some use.