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It is the next logical step

The Prime Minister, Tony Blair, held a press conference today outside No.10 in response to the nationwide strike by civil servants.

Mr. Blair informed the assembled members of the press that the Government had decided to respond to the threat of industrial unrest among public servants by arranging for the entire British state sector to be outsourced to India.

Stunned journalists pressed Mr. Blair for an explanation for this radical and controversial move. Mr. Blair said:

We have considered the matter carefully and we have consulted with various experts in the field. The conclusion we have come to is that it is simply too expensive to go on governing Britain from Britain.

The news was greeted with a mixture of boos and cheers but the Prime Minister continued undaunted:

It is the only logical solution. Young, well-educated Indians are quite capable of running the British state at a fraction of the current cost. We have taken steps to ensure that there will be no reduction in either the quality or quantity of public services while saving the taxpayers money.

Though confronted with some angry questions about the fate of the NHS, Mr. Blair declined to comment further:

Look, I’d love to help you but the simple fact is that the NHS is no longer my responsbility. If you have any questions about the continued provision of public sector health care in the UK then I suggest you telephone 08700 4568000 and speak to Jasvinder in Bombay.

Mr. Blair then ended the conference and, ignoring the protests, walked back into No.10.

A spokesperson for the Civil Service Trade Union, Unison, said he was “shocked and saddened” by the news and that he would be ballotting his members on further industrial action.

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13 comments to It is the next logical step

  • Damn, David Carr, that’s more than mere “humour.” LOL

  • Your comedy roots are showing again David; that would make a fine sketch. When is the next Samizdata theatrical performance anyway? What do you mean you don’t do them?

  • Hey, it worked!

    I called Jasvinder and he balanced my bank account and then talked me through a head transplant.

    God bless you Mr Blair Sir.

  • Verity

    David Farrer – V funny! How about outsourcing the cabinet? Bags whoever’s in charge of the Singapore exchequer for chancellor! Economic management unexcelled anywhere in the world – ever!

  • Why outsource to India when there are perfectly capable illegal immigrants wading chestdeep in Morcambe Bay who’d love to do the job for peanuts right here.

  • René

    In other news, who noticed that Ken Livingstone have admitted that his London road tax is the only thing that worked better than expected in his 33 years in politics!

    Is Red Ken turning into a libertarian?

  • Tim

    Shortly after the press conference the Indian Government sponsored the formation of the West Britain Company through which it would provide its services to the UK. The original intention was to run the operation remotely from offices in Delhi but within months a few UK local authorities began to sign up management deals with French companies. The West Britain Company found the only way it could prevent further incursions by the French was to send over representatives in some numbers. In High Caste families it soon became ‘de rigeur’ for their well educated sons to come to Britain with the West Britain Company to seek their fortunes. The Indianised English Civil Service fought hard to rid the country of the French Influence and in doing so gained popular support which gave it its own power base. Rapidly the influence of Westminster over its dominion began to wane and within a few years the Queen asked the Government of India to appoint its own Governor of the UK in order to manage the Civil Service. For a while the British public accepted the new regime as it brought harmonious industrial relations and apparent prosperity to the company. However, the Indian Governor came to be seen as increasingly dictatorial and the public came to resent the arrogant Indians who considered themselves in charge of British life. Soon a movement of peaceful protestation started..

    (A comment from someone far cleverer than me to my propagating this post)

  • Verity

    Minister for Sport, a male, beturbanned Indian movie star. Minister for Culture, in place of the vapid, dire, drip Teresa Jowell, a saucy, scantily clad female Indian movie star. Then they could go dodging around the monument on the Rajpath to sitar music, thus justifying the existence of their pointless jobs by giving us some entertainment. Minister for trade and industry, Lakshmi Mittal. Ministers for citizenship shopping, the Hinduja Brothers. Minister for all things oleaginous, Keith Vaz.

    Minister for the promotion of corruption, Jacques Chirac. Oh, wait a minute …

  • James Dudek

    Massachusetts General Hospital sends X-Rays via the internet to technicians in India for diagnosis. The hospital had difficulty hiring and retaining radiologists. It would be quite possible to outsource a lot of diagnosis work that is done by the NHS and save a bundle…..

  • Another piece of comedic toomfoolrey from David.

    As someone who has had a few dealings with the Home Office of late I can tell you that they seem to be out-sourcing lots of work. I believe I encountered white faces twice in all my dealings…and can you guess who was most reasonable, helpful and polite?

  • ed

    Hmm.

    “Massachusetts General Hospital sends X-Rays via the internet to technicians in India for diagnosis. The hospital had difficulty hiring and retaining radiologists. It would be quite possible to outsource a lot of diagnosis work that is done by the NHS and save a bundle…..”

    So where does the liability lie if the Indian radiologist screws up? And is there really a shortage of radiologists in the US?

  • As an Indian, I felt very amused at the post. But the comment from Tim (An Englishman’s castle) was superb and so reflected what I was thinking that very minute.