In occasional moments of reflection, I sometimes wonder why the British government is wasting £5 million pounds of taxpayers’ money on the Hutton Inquiry, when we already know the result: the day the report is published, Geoff Hoon will resign.
But this begs another question. Who will Tony Blair replace the hopeless Defence Secretary with, when Hoon takes the Hutton bullet on behalf of the Dear Leader? With Tony rapidly running out of friends in Cabinet, who could the Teacher of the Nation possibly turn to in such a moment of crisis, especially when the locker is bare of mellifluous wormtongues, despite Tony having hundreds of overpaid New Labour backbenchers to choose from, most of whom spend their long dull mornings wandering around Westminster trying to secure free lunches?
Yes, you’ve already guessed it. No, you couldn’t possibly believe it. Yes, my friends, hold onto your bed-knobs and your broomsticks. For the next Secretary of State for Defence will be, yes, step forward please, the former Secretary of State for Transport, a man who made it through the rain, yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s the new and improved Stephen Byers!
Please. No tittering at the back there!
After having served more than an entire year on the backbenches, for having serially lied to the British people, rumours abound that Peter “Mandy” Mandelson has decided Stephen “Liar, Liar, my Pants are on Fire” Byers, must be returned to the ruling caste, as the new Defence Secretary, to bolster pretty-boy Tony’s rapidly disintegrating regime. If you can’t follow this link, here’s what today’s Daily Mirror said:
STEPHEN Byers is about to return to the Cabinet as replacement for doomed Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon. Byers, 50, who quit as Transport Secretary 16 months ago in a storm over spin, will bolster support for Tony Blair at a time when Chancellor Gordon Brown’s backers are increasing in strength around the No10 table. Mr Hoon is widely expected to go after the Hutton inquiry over Dr David Kelly. Mr Byers has been exiled “long enough”, said a senior source.
Which leads one to think several things may have happened. First of all, Tony Blair has finally gone totally gaga mad. Unlikely, though possible. Second, the new unspun Tony has given up the ghost, and will go the same day Hoon does, handing over the multiplying problems of New Labour to Gordon Brown to fail with. Again, unlikely. Blair has nowhere yet to go, as he’s failed to get us into the €uro, and a daily fix of executive power is a drug few give up voluntarily. Third, Tony has created such a court of Yes-men, that he can no longer objectively discern reality from the sinuous platitudes of his courtiers. My bet is on this third option. It’s that Bay of Pigs scenario again, with Stephen Byers, in this case, being the pig.
Whatever the case, even the kite-flying suggestion that Stephen Byers is a solution to the problem of Geoff Hoon points to a government in mortal crisis, like the proverbial spider about to disappear down the spinning whirlpool of proverbial bathroom history. But with no trusted political opposition in the UK, and falling voting levels in all substantive elections, what happens when such a despised government does collapse? I don’t know, but start writing those libertarian manifestos right now. Our day may be closer than we think. Though I won’t be giving up the day-job, just yet.
Nah, looks to me like they just reckon the public has the brains (and specifically, the memory) of a goldfish. Following on from this pattern, a few months down the line – at the next inevitable reshuffle – they’ll slot Hoon back in as the new secretarty of state for mumblewhatever.
Hi Julian,
I must admit, it does seem to make the pill a little easier for Hoon to swallow, in a way. Sort of like the SAS where many of the Hereford instructors have several fingers, or even entire limbs, missing, the message being “even if you get blown up we’ll look after you”.
So it’s, “Take the bullet, Geoff, then in a year we’ll revive you.”
In this case though, although we in the public have the memories of errr…… goldfish, I don’t think the British Press do. If Mandy really does re-install Liars Byers into the Cabinet, expect the Sun, the Telegraph, the Mail, and even now the BBC, to lay into him day after day, from day one, until he resigns again, with questions along the lines of “Is this a bad day to bury good British soldiers, Mr Byers?”
With Peter Mandelson, Alastair Campbell, and Stephen Byers, all now contributing to the ‘new’ unspun Tony Blair, I suspect even we gullible British public may at last wake up and see them laughing at us from behind the looking glass.
At least, I certainly hope so.
Rgds,
AndyD
How long before Jo Moore comes back?
Simon Jester wonders:
“How long before Jo Moore comes back?”
In spirit she never left….