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Erdogan Poetry

I think we need a Samizdata crowd-sourced entry to the Spectator’s Erdogan offensive poetry competition. Get to work, commentariat!

Edit: apologies for the slow moderation. Comments here seem to be triggering the smite bot a lot for some reason.

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55 comments to Erdogan Poetry

  • RAB

    Had this one running for a few days over on CCIZ. My contribution…

    There once was a Turkish President
    Who, when it came to cruel tricks, wasn’t hesitant
    He promised the EU
    That he’ll see her through
    Now there’s 60 million Turks here as residents

  • Roses are red,
    Violets are blue.
    To Merkel and Erdogan,
    I say: fuck you!

  • Mr Ed

    There was once a great Sultan-ah
    Who found in his bottom, a banana
    He said ‘It’s a smear,
    Get me Merkel here!’

    As a goat munched away his pyjamas.

  • Alisa

    There once was a ruler in Turkey
    Whose brain was made of beef jerky.
    Recep Tayyip had a thing for sheep,
    Until he met Frau Merkel.

  • Myno

    Of goats and islamists aplenty
    Erdogan’s sent us already
    But what we still lack
    Is forthing and back
    Erdogan’s wives on the telly

  • David Aitken

    there was a great bully named Erdo
    whose ethics and morals were weirdo
    he shafted free speech
    far as he could reach
    now Merkel’s his bitch of the dayo.

  • Julie near Chicago

    Erdogan is Merkel’s Prince Charming?
    How utterly, weirdly alarming!
    Europa the brave
    As Merkelian slave
    Should prompt all Europeans everywhere, including German ones, to diss every World Leader they can think of, especially the real Turkeys,
    And then set about their re-arming.

  • Julie near Chicago

    [It doesn’t scan unless you pernonce it “Air-DOY-uhn.” But what do the bloody Turks (sic) know about proper pronunciation anyway.]

  • Casey M

    Muhammand had a little lamb
    Her name was Aisha
    She might have been eleven.

  • Laird

    I would point out that the Spectator’s contest rules specify that “limericks will be excluded from consideration from the top prize if they are (a) not obscene or (b) non-defamatory.” I’m not sure that any of the entries here (so far) meet those qualifications. Clearly not enough obscenity (where is NickM when we need him?), and even the defamation is pretty mild. Come on guys; you can do better!

    There is a poem (although not a limerick, unfortunately) posted over at CCIZ by one “Pete in Whanganui” (not me) which really amused me and deserves repeating:

    The President of Turkey stands
    Before the mirror, in his hand
    He holds himself, though none can see
    The microscopic part. But we
    Know of his tiny member, for he
    Made himself into the story
    And so pulled off a stunning trick:
    The biggest and the smallest dick.

  • Monte Meals

    Erdogan evil
    Seize Christian Churches and laughs
    Pay back is a bitch

  • Me

    Can one seem smaller
    Where humor or self display
    Erdogan can.

  • Julie near Chicago

    How did I miss it! That is really quite entertaining, Laird. :>)!

    And quite nicely defamatory, unless of course it’s true.

  • Roger Godby

    Under the fez of the Turk Erdoo
    Is a post-caprine-coital hairdo
    Performed as bidden by Allah
    Completed with a grunt and a holler
    As done to Ataturk’s secular state too

  • R Max Waters

    There once was a Turk, Erdogan
    With a dick like a grain sand
    Then wife number 4 became a whore
    So at least she could sleep
    With a man.

  • rammerplex

    Erdogan descends.
    Denying speech and freedom,
    as demons from hell would.

  • Simon Jester Jr

    Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish Bath?
    It is therein that there is no math
    Where twelve immigrants count as maybe two
    And Erdogan makes vectors that say EU

    Whence they come we cannot know
    Wherez they go, Merkel cannot show
    But soon the Ataturk will play the part
    That deadly arrow in Europe’s heart

  • Oligonicella

    A dick there once was and there wasn’.
    What you get when a goat is your cousin.
    It’d make some really good verse
    To say his brains were reversed.
    As he’s lacking the bottom, it doesn’.

  • R Max Waters

    Left out a syllable.

    There once was a Turk,Erdogan.
    With a dick like a grain of sand
    Then wife number four
    Became a whore
    So at least she could sleep with a man.

  • thefrollickingmole

    In Istanbul did Erdogan
    A stately ego-dome decree:
    Where Jan, the sacred comedian, ran
    his mouth, measureless to man
    Down to the humorless flea.

    Ill not desecrate the poem any further.

  • Shlomo Maistre

    these are some damn good poems

  • David Aitken

    Erdo the prick has only one trick
    to show he’s a muslim dick
    he fucks the free speech
    of all he can reach
    while Merkel gets fucked by his shtick

    Ole Erdogan was a muslim goat
    who fell in a smelly old moat
    a pig came along
    and sang his swan song
    so Erdo got the garrote

  • mike

    There once was a ruler of turkey,
    Who fucked goats like that Merkel of Germany.
    But when a young man,
    Comedian Jan,
    Took note of this they took his liberty.

  • HaqJaqShellaq

    I know laughing at Erdo appeals,
    But please try to think how he feels.
    He can’t help it if he
    Would much rather be
    A meth whore in fishnets and heels.

  • mike

    There once was a young poet in Germany,
    Who mocked the goat fucking ruler of Turkey.
    But despite what he thought,
    He lacked the support,
    Of the Chancellor who wrote off his liberty.

  • mike

    There once was a comedian in Germany,
    Who mocked Erdogan via the medium of poetry.
    Yet the Turkish cunt called
    Frau Merkel who thought
    A prosecution would add to her legacy.

  • mike

    There once was a Chancellor of Germany,
    With a taste for Middle Eastern dictatory.
    She dragged out to the court,
    A young man who thought,
    That free speech was a democratic liberty.

  • Gordon

    There was a young chap name of Erdogan,
    who was out molesting the herd again.
    T’would be quite the trick,
    giv’n his wee li’l wick,
    thus he earned the “Best Or’l” award again.

    A chap name of President Erdogan,
    was quite fond of on-the-hoof cardigan.
    He’d struggle and groan,
    and shiver and moan,
    but ever did he disappoint again.

    Pres. Erdogan, a chap syphallitic,
    gave a fatwa ‘gainst a German critic.
    Cowardly Merkel,
    squaring the circle,
    sold freedom out gladly in just a tick.

    I’m not saying that he’s a goat fucker,
    or of sheep’s members that he’s a sucker,
    but pigs fit the bill
    and Erdogan will
    get right down upon his knees and pucker.

    His fellows like their boys on a Thursday,
    but that never appealed to our Erday.
    When Thursday night came,
    t’was always the same,
    he spent it with goat dick up his bomb bay.

    When young Jan called Erdo a goat fucker,
    Merkel’s elite ass surely did pucker.
    But maybe the bloke
    just might have misspoke –
    what he meant was Erdo’s a goat sucker.

    Erdogan’s moustache is quite a treasure,
    it’s acknowledged by most any measure.
    A real source of pride,
    all the nation wide,
    and to the goats to which it gives pleasure.

  • Smart@$$

    More Dhimmi than Thou

    The spigot of terror, mid-east poison dripped by Erdogan,
    A river of exiles, now Europe’s fairest gripped by herd o’ glans.
    Then Böhmermann did ridicule with Turkish T-M-I,
    And to the tyrant’s loud whinging, free folks said, “G-F-Y!”
    “You must punish my critics!” spoke sheep-shagging Recep.
    “We’ll fold like a Frenchman!’ fawned Frau Merkel the Harelip.
    Thus the Islamic tide snuffed all in deep dhimmitude,
    ‘Cross Europe as it sank beneath sick decrepitude.

  • Mr Pants

    It was always an absolute mystery,
    What Erdogan got up to when frisky.
    He’d take off his coat,
    Fuck the arse off a goat,
    and splash out his jizz on our liberty!

  • Myno

    Comedian, anally mistaken
    For a fine piece of fat German bacon
    Told us Erdogan’s dick
    A miniscule stick
    Takes 72 goats to awaken

  • mike

    There was once a bestial precedent,
    Set by a Chancellor’s abandonment,
    Of German liberty
    To a goat in Turkey,
    Who ensured her an enlarged anal cavity.

  • After Mayavosky.

    Socialist Maiden relent!
    You exhaust the Turk.
    How can the Zampolit stand
    So cuckolded?

  • Gordon wins the can of Coke. Brilliant stuff!

  • Julie near Chicago

    Omigod, an Instalanche!

  • R Max Waters

    Recep, a cuckolded Turk
    Was trying to learn how to twerk
    But his dick was too small, he had only one ball
    So the balance never quite worked

  • Laird

    We haven’t seen a haiku yet:

    Erdogan fucks goats
    Merkel nurtures his fetish
    Jealousy or fear?

  • R Max Waters

    A poxy Turk named Erdogan
    Complained his dick hurt again
    “Wife 3 take a look if you could.”
    But she scoffed, “If I could see it, I would.”

  • R Max Waters

    Recep knows a whore in Levant
    Who cares not that his dick’s like an ant’s.
    She just says “Is it me that you’re happy to see,
    or is that a flea in you pants.

  • Carola Von H.

    Erdogan & Merkel sitting in a tree
    k-i-s-s-i-n-g
    first comes love, then comes marriage
    then comes Erdo in a billy-goat’s carriage.

  • Rich Rostrom

    The little boy cried out, “Oh, Erdogan!
    Said his father “Don’t use that foul word again!”
    He answered, “Well, Dad,”
    “I know it is bad,
    But I’ve just trodden on a huge turd again.”

  • Paul Marks

    It is important to remember that that it was not “the Turks” as an ethic group who slaughtered the Armenians and other Christians (Sunday was the anniversary of the Armenian genocide of 1915) – it was the forces of Islam.

    And the persecution of the Armenians started in the early 700s – long before there were Turks in the area.

    Erodgan could not care less about Turkey or the Turks.

    He cares about Islam – and his role in the Islamic forces.

    Nothing else matters to Erodgan.

  • Rich Rostrom

    Paul Marks: I very much doubt that. Erdogan is very hostile to the aspirations of Turkey’s Kurdish minority. There are some Islamists whose religious sentiments transcend their ethnic affiliations (recent western converts, for instance), but for most, religious and ethnic arrogance are two sides of one coin.

  • Ljh

    There once was an arseho1e called Recip
    At every slightest slight he would flip
    “Frau Merkel, I thank her:
    Before I was a wanker;
    She now indulges me by wielding the whip”

  • Ljh

    Last line better as
    “How I love it when she uses the whip!”

  • Paul Marks

    No Rich Rostrum – Erdogan does not hate the Kurds because they are Kurds (far from it).

    He hates them because (to him) they are not proper Muslims – after all they are pre Islamic population who adopted Islam to end persecution, and they seek-their-own-national-state.

    Proper Muslims should not seek an independent state – they should be happy to be part of the general Islamic Empire – under Erodgan and his wise successors, ruling from the 1000 room palace that Erodgan has had built.

  • Hexhamgeezer

    As politics in Turkey
    Get ever more Murky
    Frau Merkel swaps beer
    For Erdogan’s diarrhoea

  • Thailover

    There’s a Turk cocksucker named Erdogan
    who fucks sheep while wearing a wool cardigan.
    He thinks with a grunt
    as he spoogest on sheep rump
    Merkel’s face = sexy camel ass again.

  • Nicholas (Excentrality!) Gray

    Why all this angst? I’m sure that if former members of the stasi were to ask the comedian nicely enough, he would confess that he was just kidding…

  • […] commenter Niall Kilmartin started writing this poem as part of the Erdogan poetry competition but found his thoughts turning in a different […]

  • Mr Ed

    NEWSFLASH:

    Boris Johnson has won it, with a very good effort

    Johnson then offered the limerick:

    “There was a young fellow from Ankara,
    Who was a terrific wankerer.
    Till he sowed his wild oats,
    With the help of a goat,
    But he didn’t even stop to thankera.”