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I am stranded in the Ukraine

As the crisis goes on, things are getting pretty grim

48 comments to I am stranded in the Ukraine

  • Just make sure you bring them both back to England with you Michael, ideally with the weapons.

  • tomwright

    I don’t suppose they are going to tie you up and make you do unmentionable things?

  • RAB

    Must be a fairly rough sort of Bar to have bouncers like that!

    You jammy jammy bugger Michael 😉

  • Derk

    I don’t think he’s a bugger with a photo like that RAB!

  • No, but I’m guessing he’s a bugger for RAB not being in a photo like that:-)

  • I’m not worried. He looks to be well protected.

    I don’t think the U.K. allows ladies with guns like that into the country. Send ’em over here.

  • Alice

    Michael — Would that by any chance be a poster for the delightfully spoof multi-cultural group ‘Band’Eros’ behind the lady in pink?

    Might be nice to try and catch a concert while you are stranded in the Ukraine. It would help you pass the clearly wearisome hours.

  • RAB

    Yes Alisa is quite right. just an expression of my complete jealousy.
    The word Bugger lost it’s strict anatomical connotations in Britain many years ago.
    My grandfather used it on the new vicar, when he had just finished delivering a sermon on Camels and the eye of a needle.
    Oi Mr Bugger! he said, If you want to talk to me kindly do it to my face!!
    Same thing in Oz isn’t it Michael?

    Jeez just look at him trying to look all privated, with that mock glum expression on his face, as if he is being hard done by that there are not three of them!

    I repeat, you jammy jammy…

  • Will

    I don’t mind having that kind of crisis, in fact, I am really envious .

  • MattP

    I’ve got to admit, the girl with the PPSH is pretty sexy.

  • Jeremy

    Yes, very attractive. The girl with the PPSh-41 might want to be a tad more careful with where the muzzle of her gun is pointed though.

  • Alice: Behind lady in pink (black-n-red, on my screen) is a poster for an entertainer with far-reaching reputation, still going strong 68years after his execution.

    Michael: poor you!

  • RAB

    Jealousy Jeremy, Jealousy!

    You know how these Eastern European birds are, they are fighting over him already!

    Remember the Gypsy women scene in From Russia With Love?

    Oh and Alisa my sweet. I dont know how to break it to you, but I had a posse of Turkish belly dancers for my birthday last year.
    It was all completely innocent I swear, the resort laid them on. Can you ever forgive me? 😉

  • Nuke Gray

    Is english the true international language, Mike? And is the country Ukraine, or The Ukraine? The public wants to know!

  • Alice

    “Alice: Behind lady in pink (black-n-red, on my screen) is a poster for an entertainer with far-reaching reputation, still going strong 68years after his execution.”

    Thanks, Tatyana. I was trying to make out the partial word on the poster.

    Pity! I would love to go to a Band’Eros concert, and am sure that Michael would enjoy it too. But it looks like he may possibly be able to find something else to keep him busy.

  • Alice: I noticed there is no more talk about leaving Lviv for Crimea…

    The words on the picture are Степан Бандера, Stepan Bandera.

  • Wot Jeremy said. The lovely-on-your-right is covering the lovely-on-your-left’s face. Crimony!

    Nonetheless, my thoughts are with you. Lucky bastard!

  • You lucky bugger RAB:-)

  • Nuke Gray

    We’ve got it all wrong! Michael is being held hostage! I volunteer to take his place! Don’t worry, Michael, we’ll free you!

  • Chuckles


    Your grandfather used it on the new vicar, when he had just finished delivering a sermon on Camels? In public?

    Is this a migration here of the Camel joke from Thaddeus’ aviation post at Anna R?

    Enquiring minds want to know.

    Good to see that Jennings is still working on international relations however.

  • llamas

    (help me . . . . help me . . . they have me at gun-point . . . won’t somebody please help me . . . .)

    Good luck with the plea for help and sympathy, there.

    A PPSh and a bottomless well of ammunition for it is about as much fun as you can have standing up with your clothes on. And I’ll bet that the Ukraine is knee-deep in surplus Tokarev ammunition, if you just know the right places to look. But forget the drum – that was for show, not for go. It has to be the most useless piece of military kit that the Russians ever designed, and they weren’t much for designing useless kit. Enjoy it while you can.



  • Poor, poor Michael. The Government should Do Something About this terrible situation.

  • RAB

    Ah dearest Alisa. what an understanding and forgiving woman you are! 😉 Funnily enough the dancers wern’t Turkish at all, but Russian. The resort is Russian owned and staffed.

    No Chuckles, the straightforward story there is that my gramp was a rich man and St Martins in Caerphilly had aquired a new vicar sometime in the 1920s.
    Well he preached the Camel through the eye of a needle bit, and gramp thought that he was having a pop at him personally, which pissed him off rather, as he had kept the soup kitchens supplied with meat, out of his own pocket, during the Depression.
    Now you didn’t want to piss off my Gramp, he was a quick witted and sharp tongued man, and cursed the new vicar seven ways of sideways on the steps of the church on the way out. He drew quite a crowd. The Congregation were really enjoying the show!
    Well like any good Capitalist, he voted with his feet, and took his business elswhere. He never went there again, he went down the hill and joined the Methodists in Van Road, who were very pleased to have him.

  • RAB – ah, those Russians and their irresistible recruiting methods!
    Besides, how do you know the dancers were Russian? [Tim, if you’re reading – should I direct RAB to your sad Tartar tart in The Guise of Korean’ story, or you’ll do it yourself?] One jiggling belly looks (and/or “feels”) just like the other, you know…

  • Life she’s a dog, and then you go to a global-village heaven while still alive…

  • RAB

    Talking of Global Village Heaven, has anyone else seen the first episode of the remake of the Prisoner yet?
    It is utter pants compared to the original.

    Oh they were definately Russian Tatanya, with some Lithuanians and Turkistanis as well. I got quite friendly with the guy who ran the shooting gallery (real guns, funny how things keep cropping up in this thread) and the Archery (real bows) during the day, and then he doubled up as one of the principal dancers and singers in the nightly entertainments. Bloody good they were too. Their version of Moulan Rouge was a cracker!
    Having grown up in the Socialist Paradise of S Wales in the 50s and 60s, I have to tell you that a brigade of Cossack porn stars couldn’t recruit me to Communism.

    Still as long as we are keeping Michael amused during his terrible ordeal!
    Not to worry Michael, Gurning Gordan is sending an aircraft carrier to get you apparently! You’ll be home in no time.
    The irony of that is sure to be lost on the buffoon.

  • Alisa, speaking of dog: I recall being completely confused re: the difference btwn “dog’s bollocks” and “plain bollocks” variety in British vernacular.

    RAB: it’s Ta-tya-na, not the other way around. Cossack porn stars is a vivid picture, though a bit heavy, in all senses!

  • I humbly plead ignorance, Tanya.

  • RAB

    Do beg your pardon Tat (hope you dont mind me shortening it, much easier to remember at my advanced age).
    So are you still confused? the Dogs bollocks means a proud and splendid thing, a good and magnificent thing, while plain Bollocks is crap.
    Why? absolutely no idea! That’s the beauty of English, we make it up as we go along, just like Shakespeare.

  • PersonFromPorlock

    The picture certainly brings new meaning to the word “zimmerstutzen”!

  • RAB – not at all, Tat is what some of my close friends call me.
    Thanks for the explanation – that’s what i’ve been told then, too, but couldn’t completely eradicate a suspicion that my leg’s being pulled (American idiom. My legs are fine. Really.)

  • Nuke Gray

    Tat, ‘leg being pulled’ is a widespread English phrase, from the time when the highest form of wit and humour was to cause someone to stumble by pulling on their legs and seeing them fall. Nowadays we rely on Party Policy Statements for cheap laughs. (i.e. Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke, over twenty years ago, saying “No australian child will live in poverty”)

  • Nuke Grey, here’s another reason for cheap laughs at Hawke’s expense: he stole the concept from Khrushchev, who on 22nd Congress of CPSU (1961) promised that “current generation will live under communism, in 20 years!”

  • Paul Marks

    On the eye in the needle thing….

    Jesus was quite correct – “you can not take it with you” (to quote the old saying).

    Just as a camel had to be unloaded to pass the narrow “eye of the needle” gate in Jerusalem, so a man leaves all his material wealth behind when he dies.

    Of course the left try and make an economic policy (indeed a political philosophy) out of this – “forgetting” (people like Jim Wallis do not “forget” at all, they are Marxist deceivers) that “my Kingdom is not of this world”.

    “Paul you would talk just like that to the attractive ladies in the bar”.

    Of course I would – that is why I am single middle aged man.

  • monsewage

    I have a couple of issues with this pic…

    1. That chick with the PPSh has the muzzle pointed in an unsafe direction.

    2. Her thumb also seems to be on the trigger.

    3. Each of the girls are at least 3-5 points out of Michael league.

    So unless Michael has completely forgotten his gun safety rules and there is some kind of Ukrainian calibration I need to apply to my chick-meter, I’m saying this pic is photo-shopped.

    This calls for a trip to the Ukraine for a first hand investigation of these women–er, I mean, issues.

  • Mike James

    Finger out of the trigger guard on that burp gun…

  • Charlie (Colorado)

    Pray to Pele that the volcano keeps going….

  • rvastar

    I really hope that’s a Holiday Inn bar…and not the local Hostel 🙁

  • Get on a train.

    Seriously, folks. It’s not like these people need to be on a plane. They have state-subsidized railroad trains.

    Get on one and go home.

  • RAB

    Dont be so hard on yourself Paul. Your chat up line on the War of the Austrian Succession is lethal!
    It has well fit birds swooning in droves, I’m sure 😉

  • Rich

    Dear Penthouse,

    I always thought your letters were bull shit until this happened to me…

  • Given that the Lithuanian-Polish Commonwealth was neutral in the war of Austrian succession, my guess is that it is probably okay to bring the subject of that war up in Lviv…

    On the other hand, good company as the two ladies (and indeed the third who was kind enough to take the photograph) were, they didn’t actually speak a lot of English. It is thus entirely possible that they might have taken Paul’s observations on the said war as instead a compliment on the loveliness of their eyes, or some such.

  • mpc

    I’ve been to that bar in Lviv. Interesting place. Budma, Budma, Budma!

  • RAB

    I live under the east to west flightpath to America here in Bristol, and there are vapour trails and planes up there today!
    You are no longer a Prisoner Michael, you are a free man!

  • Nick (in South Africa)

    The chick on the left with the burp gun, the PPSh41, needs some firearm safety training, badly.