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Samizdata, derived from Samizdat /n. - a system of clandestine publication of banned literature in the USSR [Russ.,= self-publishing house]

How to make money

The headline should attract attention if nothing else. After all, who doesn’t want to make money? Still, the internet is nothing if not awash with get-rich-quick scams and I therefore understand your initial skepticism. However, let me assure you that this information is genuine

This opportunity comes to us courtesy of the European Empire which, ever mindful of the need to be seen to be doing something, has published a list ‘person and groups considered to be terrorists’. Well, it’s a start I suppose but where do we go from here I wonder? One of the named persons is someone actually called ENEKO GOGEASCOECHEA ARRONATEGUI. Are they serious? How are we supposed to catch him when we can’t even pronounce him??!!

The list is also replete with names that all sound like Hamsi Gamsi Up’Ya Bumsi (the EU has confidently identified him as the mastermind behind the Real IRA) and the list of organisations includes the Terrorist Wing of Hamas! Beg pardon, but exactly what other wings do they have? A Catering Wing? (Hummous?)

Having published this portentous list and duly finger-wagged about the seriousness of terrorist activities (which they define as including, and I kid you not, ‘compelling the government to do something’) they don’t appear to be doing much else about it. Perhaps they feel they should lead their anti-terrorist crusade by example and feel themselves under no compulsion. But, really, how difficult could it be to get these dudes? After all they got their names and, for a lot of them, identity card numbers. Surely even Inspector Clouseau could wrap this one up? He could start by cross-checking names against welfare cheques. That would probably do the trick

But, no. Apparently further proposals are ‘under negotiation’. Don’t expect fireworks. See the boys in Brussels just aren’t cut out for all this terrorist-fighting stuff. It’s not in their nature. If you want 26,000 pages of regulations about the grain of wood to be used in garden furniture than they are the boys you call. For anything marginally more dynamic, contact the FBI or Mossad

So, how does all this present a golden earning opportunity? Well, I suggest that you take a large chunk of disposable cash (provided it has not yet been forcibly converted into Euro-roubles) and place a bet that, 12 months from today, Hamsi Gamsi and his chums will be lording it up very publicly in restaurants all over Paris and the Palestinian Islamic Jihad will have established a substantial voting bloc in the European Parliament

Failing that, I urge all productive people everywhere to carefully scrutinize the list of terrorist organisations as published and seek to infiltrate them by any and all means available because, in the People’s Republic of Europe, they will be the only places where both freedom and financial security can be guaranteed

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