Thursday
(0)Looks like there's an uprising in progress down in East Africa:
Baboons "protesting" at the killing of one of their group have disrupted traffic on the busy Tororo-Jinja highway in eastern Uganda.
The trouble began after a speeding lorry ran over a huge female baboon, who died instantly in the Busitema Forest Reserve, 15 kilometres from the Uganda-Kenya border.
According to eyewitnesses, the driver deliberately swerved across the road to hit the female who was eating white ants.
Soon afterwards, an infuriated group of baboons converged at the scene of the killing and surrounded her body.
They sat in the middle on the road for about 30 minutes causing a temporary traffic jam.
Baboons are as mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore. A representative of the PLO (Primate Liberation Organisation) said:
Eating white ants is an important part of our culture and we are sick of the anti-baboonist attitudes of this illegitimate regime. This was no accident. It was a deliberate act of African imperialist aggression.
Despite the fiery rhetoric, the majority of baboons claim to be committed to finding a peaceful solution. But, clearly, there is a lot of anger down on the plains.
I threw a piece of sugarcane to the bereaved baboons, but none of them rushed to pick it up.
The PLO representative was dismissive:
Do they think we can be bought off with a bit of sugarcane? We will actively resist this neo-humanist attempt to subjugate our species and steal our resources.
The conflict rages on with no easy resolution in sight. Meanwhile, the Primate Liberation Organisation has denied any formal links with the French Government.
This is surely an oversight on the part of M. Chirac. Will he dispatch de Villepin immediately, or will he wait until the primates rack up a respectable body count before establishing high-level ties with the mouth-breathing hoarde?
More importantly - is there one of them who can sign his name to a weapons or oil contract?
Posted by Jeffersonian at May 1, 2003 02:32 AM
This is surely an oversight on the part of M. Chirac. Will he dispatch de Villepin immediately, or will he wait until the primates rack up a respectable body count before establishing high-level ties with the mouth-breathing hoarde?
More importantly - is there one of them who can sign his name to a weapons or oil contract?
Posted by Jeffersonian at May 1, 2003 02:35 AM
Hey, at last! A libertarian translation of "Stupid White Men"! Perhaps this is a call to stop "monkeying" around with political statements?
Anyway - why do primates need a liberation organisation. They have obviously already been liberated. I quite often see a couple of apes walking past eating Macdonalds(TM) and drinking Coke(TM). (you sure they were "drinking" it? -ED)
So, no more putting down "banana republics"! Eh?
Posted by mad dog barker at May 1, 2003 12:02 PM
The plight of our opressed fellow primates is no laughing matter!
Making fun of it is just a manifestation of the culture of the ruling spieces. It is people like you making jokes like this that support the opression of the powerless spieces in our society!
The ruling class uses spiecesism along with racism, classism, religion and everthingelseism as a stratagy to dissunit the under privaliged.
You may think that this is just harmless humor but it is a manifestation of the inevitable class and spieces war.
Primates of the world unite! You have nothing to loss but you cages! You have a bannana to win!
:-)
Posted by Steph at May 1, 2003 04:50 PM
"To represent both sides of the situation we have with us tonight Edward Kamau of the Kenyan Truckers Union and Dr. Zaius of the Primate Liberation Organization."
Posted by Herman at May 1, 2003 09:42 PM
