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The other Obama inauguration speech

Here is something very topical for today, Inaugaration Speech Generator:

A grassroots internet campaign helped Barack Obama get elected. Now he’s calling for the internet’s assistance one more time – to help him craft the best inauguration speech ever…

This is the result of my humble efforts to help out:

My fellow Americans, today is a psychadelic day. You have shown the world that “hope” is not just another word for “moon”, and that “change” is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually fly.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces confusing and rigorous challenges like never before. Our economy is embarassing. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for spaghetti. Our healthcare system is lethal. If your nostril is sick and you don’t have insurance, you might as well call a dustman. And America’s image overseas is tarnished like a aubergine bullet. But cookin’ together we can right this ship, and set a course for Hebrides.

Finally, I must thank my excruciating family, my beautiful campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank bankers for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of shootin’ the American people. Without your rotting efforts, none of this would have been possible.

God Bless… the Internet!

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15 comments to The other Obama inauguration speech

  • Sunfish

    So, uh, did anybody actually watch that crap?

    I would have, but I think I’ve seen it before..

  • Ham

    The thing itself was nearly as stomach turning as you’d expect. Some mildly reassuring sabre rattling, praise for freedom at the expense of security, and patriotism, I’ll give him that. Otherwise he may as well have read out your creation, Jonathan; those children in the audience would have whooped just the same.

  • that was something that took the edge off the day…..and I sent it around, so it will take the edge off of a LOT of people’s day.

  • Otherwise he may as well have read out your creation, Jonathan

    Since when is Adriana ‘Jonathan’?

  • watcher in the dark

    I didn’t think there was much to get excited over. Bit of a balls up on the oath. The man thanked Bush, then sniped at the Bush administration a bit, referred to various vaguely inspiring things, mentioned war early on, eventually went on a bit. Crowds cheered. Sun shone. Some people wept and hollered.

    Then the man made way for a woman to read the most awful poem I have heard in a while.

    Good luck to the man and the poet. She’ll need it.

  • Sam Duncan

    WITD: Sounds more like this, then.

  • Ham

    Since when is Adriana ‘Jonathan?

    Ever since I foolishly tried to keep two thoughts in my head at once, it seems. I hope Adriana doesn’t consider it too much of an insult; my apologies are forthcoming if she does!

  • Gabriel

    Actually, I thought of the vile Gabriel Over the White House

    Hey!

  • Timothy

    My attempt:
    Barack Obama’s Inauguration Speech

    My fellow Americans, today is a implausible day. You have shown the world that “hope” is not just another word for “American military”, and that “change” is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually accumulate.

    Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces flowery and pompous challenges like never before. Our economy is regal. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for heterodox pastors. Our healthcare system is pink. If your neck is sick and you don’t have insurance, you might as well call a psychiatrist. And America’s image overseas is tarnished like a aircraft carrier McMansion. But defenestrating together we can right this ship, and set a course for New Zealand.

    Finally, I must thank my dense family, my stupified campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank my fellow Americans for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of changing the American people. Without your inspired efforts, none of this would have been possible.

  • That was almost as underwhelming as the real speech.

    Never mind, G.W. Bush left some wonderful gifts behind!

  • Kim du Toit

    All I can say is this.

    Obama has been in office for near on 18 hours, and the global economy hasn’t improved, poverty has not disappeared all over the world, peace has likewise not broken out, and global warming/cooling has not abated.

    Worst. President. Ever.

  • Our healthcare system is pink.

    Never were truer worlds written!

  • Paul Marks

    Subsidies (such as Medicare and Medicaid) and regulations (such as those that make the “insurance market” no real market at all) produce high costs.

    And the reaction?

    Yet more subsidies and regulations.

    Still if the “Free Choice” Act goes through there will be another result as well.

    This is not the “Free Choice” Act that gets rid of the secret ballot on whether a place of employment is unionized, this is another Orwellian “Free Choice” Act.

    One to force people to perform abortions – Obama is on record as supporting this “Free Choice” slavery, and he has already given the green light to taxpayers money being spent on abortions (and abortion propaganda) all over the world.

    Whatever one thinks of abortion people should not be forced to perform them – with threats to their medical licences (something that should not exist anyway) and to their hospitals if they refuse.

    As for “another result”.

    No doubt I will be thought unsound in the head (perhaps I am) – but I suspect that if the force people to perform abortions “Free Choice” Act goes into effect it will lead to Civil War.

    People who would not fight over gold confiscation and will not fight over tax and spend – will fight over this. And many (most?) in the United States military would back them.