“…and the nominees in the category of Best Fashionable Issue in a Guilt-Supporting Role are….(pause)…World Poverty (applause)…AIDS (applause)…the Iraq War (bigger applause)…Africa (applause)…and Saving the Planet (huge applause).
And the winner is…..(rustle, rustle, rustle)…Saving the Planet!! (more huge applause, whoops, whistles).
Sadly, the Planet can’t actually be with us tonight because its currently on location shooting another movie with Al Gore. But it is going to speak to us now by live satellite link.”
PLANET: (by satellite feed) Oh…oh…this is just so…I don’t know. What can I say? I’m overwhelmed, you know. I mean, I’m up there with World Poverty and AIDS, I mean, WOW, what competition!! I’m just….I don’t know, let me tell you that I am one thrilled, happy, proud biosphere right now. But, you know, this Award isn’t for me. It’s an Award for all the brilliant people who made it possible to save me, all those NGOs and…especially Al Gore…and let me tell you, I am so in awe of that man. I am totally, unbelievably excited to be working with him again. He is my saviour. Absolutely, you know. And I’m accepting this for him as well. What else can I say? I need a drink. Somebody get me a drink (burst of laughter, close up of Jack Nicholson busting a gut). But, seriously, I really want to thank the Academy and I also want to thank my agent, Murray Felberman….I love you, Murray, I love you man. So, I got to get back to work now but I just want to say that I love you all and when I get back to LA we’re going to have a big party (blows kiss).