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Samizdata, derived from Samizdat /n. - a system of clandestine publication of banned literature in the USSR [Russ.,= self-publishing house]

Okay, what about a snort of cocaine?

Keith Richards to Manager: “Hey, man, I want a bathtub full of tequila, a bevy of teenage groupie nymphos, a month’s supply of uncut Turkish smack and….no, better leave it at that“.

Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards may have flouted Scotland’s smoking ban when he played to thousands of fans at Glasgow’s Hampden Park.

The city council confirmed it was investigating reports that he smoked on stage throughout the gig on Friday.

Neil Rafferty, from the Freedom Organisation for the Right to Enjoy Smoking Tobacco (Forest), said: “This is yet another way in which the smoking ban makes Scotland look ridiculous”.

A spokesman for the Scottish Parliament strongly refuted claims that Scotland was looking ridiculous but did announce that, henceforth, Scottish smoked salmon would have to be sold as Scottish ‘treated’ salmon in order to avoid sending out the wrong message.

16 comments to Okay, what about a snort of cocaine?

  • Johnathan Pearce

    If I were in the shoes of the Rolling Stones, I would refuse, on principle, to play in Scotland again. Admittedly this is not much of a threat given that the wrinkley rockers are near the end of their careers, but it would be good to give this message to the puritans out there: go fuck yourselves.

  • veryretired

    Considering all the various compounds that Richardson has ingested in one way or the other over the last few decades, getting all bent out of shape over a couple of smokes does seem a trifle lunatic, even for Scots.

    Personally, without any evidence to support it, I have long believed that the frigid highlands’ breezes wafting up under those skirts they wear probably froze their balls off long ago.

    And, please, no huffy lectures about the sacred tartens and all that. I haven’t come 93 million miles, and I’m not too keen on kilts.

    See you at Wimbleton.

    (Warning—totally extraneous MP reference alert. Grab several cans of spam and head for the shelters.)

  • RAB

    Well they may look like they have been screwing their hats on for a goodly time now–
    The wrinkly old buggers really kicked ass at the Millenium stadium last night.
    Not the first time I’ve seen them.
    Ah the first was Hyde park 69. Up on the train from Wales, without my mum knowing!
    Climbed a tree to get a good view. Many did.
    Young and fit as we were, it took 50 seconds to get up the tree. Ah, but when the substances had been factored in, 4 hours to get back down again.
    I remember it subjectively as a blissful experience.
    When any musician listens to the Movie, they wince.
    The Stones were horribly out of tune and too stoned to play!
    Not anymore!
    What was the question again? Shit I’m hungry!
    Oh yes smoking on stage in case it damages the audience.
    Are you fucking kiddin or what!!!
    As I type I am listening to Greetings from LA by Tim Buckley. Opened for the Stones in Knebworth in the 70′s.
    You want advice on a kick ass catalogue? Call RAB..

  • I think independence-minded Scots should take another look at the politicians they would have to endure as independent. I’ve yet to see a sensible word from an MSP or Scottish MP, and I’ve read Samizdata and Freedom & Whisky for years.

    What the hell happened to that country?

    - Josh

  • Howard R Gray

    The Scots parliament needs to be “treated” and then some. Perhaps, when no one will buy or understand the nature of “treated” fish, the PC idiocy will stop. Fat, sorry obese or is it portly, chance mate!

  • Will the Stones get in trouble for singing this?

    When I’m watchin’ my TV
    And that man comes on to tell me
    How white my shirts can be
    Well he can’t be a man ’cause he doesn’t smoke
    The same cigarrettes as me

    I can’t get no, oh no no no
    Hey hey hey, that’s what I say

  • Chris Harper

    henceforth, Scottish smoked salmon would have to be sold as Scottish ‘treated’ salmon in order to avoid sending out the wrong message.

    Careful Thaddeus, remember what happened last time you tried to make a joke here.

  • It would not shock me in the least if they are going to change the name of “smoked” Salmon.

    I agree with Jon; the Rolling Stones and other rock bands should tell the Scots to stuff their rules. Bands should forgo playing Scotland at all.

  • If ever there was a valid reason for a picture of “a bevy of teenage groupie nymphos”,this was it…..where ist it?

  • RAB

    Er sorry Ron, there wern’t any, not at Cardiff anyway.

    We could do you some gorgeous grannys
    Twin set and pearls (I kid you not!)

  • RAB,
    Do they do sex in Wales?

  • leek

    BA-A-A-AAAAA-AAAH !!!!!

  • RAB

    Oh lots! If it wasn’t for the 19th century religious revival and the temperance movement
    Wales would have surpassed china in population by now!
    How do you know when a valleys girl is having an orgasm?
    She throws her curried chips in the air!

    I advised Nick M, on another thread, to steer his mum towards St. Fagans, the Museum of Welsh Culture, which is just outside Cardiff. It is amazing and free.
    Anyway one of the houses from the mid 16th cent has a bundling cupboard. This was a bed in the main living room but cubicled off.
    When a suitable suitor, came calling for the hand of your daughter, it was usual to pop them in the bundling cupboard and let nature take it’s course.
    Thing is the whole family , from small children, to old grannys were gathered round the fire, listening in and not batting an eyelid!
    So yes we are very sexy! Just not at Stones concerts.
    I heard one twin set say to her friend
    Had him, and him, oh and the roadie as well!

  • The things they did before television,still no doubt the Welsh Tourist Board has Bundling Cupboard re-enactment groups.
    BTW,the twinsets,did one of them mention a Mars Bar?

  • RAB

    Twix I believe.

    Something about a finger of fudge.

  • The people nowadays,just don’t know how to enjoy them selves,do they?

    They don’t make groupies like they used to either,or at least I don’T.