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How to control children

From David Carr’s posting (quoting the Independent newspaper):

Childhood immunisation would provide adults with protection from the euphoria that is experienced by users, making drugs such as heroin and cocaine pointless to take. Such vaccinations are being developed by pharmaceutical companies and are due to hit the market within two years.

I have a cunning plan.

Immunisation is crude and easy to avoid, especially for immigrants and people who move. What is needed is a form of treatment that is visible and difficult to fake. Vaccines can be expensive and there is a whole problem of producing and storing them. The paperwork involved in ensuring that all children have been vaccinated is complicated and errors can creep in.

So the obvious solution is a full frontal lobotomy with a tatooing on the forehead. Consider a few benefits of such a scheme.

  1. The pharmaceutical companies lose some business, but they avoid being associated with any screw-ups from the scheme. (This could be spun as an anti-corporate greed measure)
  2. No more juvenile delinquency, except the occasional suicides. (Blamed on tobacco companies)
  3. No more worrying about education standards: all children will be morons.
  4. Arguing about teaching methods will not matter. (Peace at last!)
  5. Parents no longer need to pretend to raise their children.
  6. The law can be changed: leaving a child alone at home will be no more dangerous than leaving the television switched on.

What is a little puzzling to me is how many schemes are being done to children which would be considered highly objectionable if applied to say ‘black people’.

Part-birth abortion is virtual infanticide, we have NHS doctors calling for premature children not to be incubated. We have conscription into schools, prohibitions of all sorts, cameras in classrooms to allow parents to watch, ID cards for children. Child rapists and killers can get shorter jail sentences than a child has to spend at school, (and they sometimes gets jobs in schools). Child criminals are effectively told to “do it again, you have to kill someone before we do anything”, so the honest children get preyed on.

The only short-term way of preventing this sort of abuse would be if children had the right to vote. Would four-year olds come up with worse lunacy than that which they have to endure?

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5 comments to How to control children

  • Too bad the powers-that-be weren’t immunized against stupidity when they were children.

  • Joe

    Too bad the powers-that-be weren’t immunized against stupidity when they were children

    I have the faint suspicion that they may have been immunized against intelligence!

  • A year or so ago, when I first saw the movie Equilibrium, I thought its premise — that people would voluntarily take emotion-surpressing drugs each day — was too far fetched. But when you read about stuff like this, and its potential for being administered to kids (and voluntarily at that) it starts looking a bit more realistic.

  • AllTheHits

    If only they’d doctor the kids so that the sexual impulse lay dormant until they were 25. What a lot of embarrasment, expense and itchiness that would save.

  • walter freeman

    this is my personal opinion of civilised life in the western world. did anyone stop to look at our modern history 1936 ergoz monez, 1945 welfare state + national health service etc, 1949 nobel prize. then u might remember working class kids taken to hospital at school by the busload for dental treatment and having a pain behind the eye and a splitting bad head, yup you guessed it welcome to walter freemans civilised society and the little known further perfected secret operation that ensures we are all good workers without striving to be sucessfull. watch your kids backs when the ruling classes require them to undergo unneeded dental surgery at about 10 to 14 years old.
    unless u like your kids to be bad mannered non achivers working as slaves in some factory owned by the upper classes