Tuesday
Here is something very topical for today, Inaugaration Speech Generator:
A grassroots internet campaign helped Barack Obama get elected. Now he's calling for the internet's assistance one more time – to help him craft the best inauguration speech ever...
This is the result of my humble efforts to help out:
My fellow Americans, today is a psychadelic day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "moon", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually fly.Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces confusing and rigorous challenges like never before. Our economy is embarassing. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for spaghetti. Our healthcare system is lethal. If your nostril is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a dustman. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a aubergine bullet. But cookin' together we can right this ship, and set a course for Hebrides.
Finally, I must thank my excruciating family, my beautiful campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank bankers for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of shootin' the American people. Without your rotting efforts, none of this would have been possible.
God Bless... the Internet!
So, uh, did anybody actually watch that crap?
I would have, but I think I've seen it before..
Posted by Sunfish at January 20, 2009 05:35 PM
The thing itself was nearly as stomach turning as you'd expect. Some mildly reassuring sabre rattling, praise for freedom at the expense of security, and patriotism, I'll give him that. Otherwise he may as well have read out your creation, Jonathan; those children in the audience would have whooped just the same.
Posted by Ham at January 20, 2009 05:53 PM
that was something that took the edge off the day.....and I sent it around, so it will take the edge off of a LOT of people's day.
Posted by darthlaurel at January 20, 2009 06:24 PM
Otherwise he may as well have read out your creation, Jonathan
Since when is Adriana 'Jonathan'?
Posted by Perry de Havilland at January 20, 2009 06:56 PM
Sunfish:
Actually, I thought of the vile Gabriel Over the White House
Posted by Ted Schuerzinger at January 20, 2009 07:34 PM
I didn't think there was much to get excited over. Bit of a balls up on the oath. The man thanked Bush, then sniped at the Bush administration a bit, referred to various vaguely inspiring things, mentioned war early on, eventually went on a bit. Crowds cheered. Sun shone. Some people wept and hollered.
Then the man made way for a woman to read the most awful poem I have heard in a while.
Good luck to the man and the poet. She'll need it.
Posted by watcher in the dark at January 20, 2009 07:49 PM
Since when is Adriana 'Jonathan?
Ever since I foolishly tried to keep two thoughts in my head at once, it seems. I hope Adriana doesn't consider it too much of an insult; my apologies are forthcoming if she does!
Posted by Ham at January 20, 2009 09:45 PM
Actually, I thought of the vile Gabriel Over the White House
Hey!
Posted by Gabriel at January 20, 2009 10:26 PM
My attempt:
Barack Obama's Inauguration Speech
My fellow Americans, today is a implausible day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "American military", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually accumulate.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces flowery and pompous challenges like never before. Our economy is regal. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for heterodox pastors. Our healthcare system is pink. If your neck is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a psychiatrist. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a aircraft carrier McMansion. But defenestrating together we can right this ship, and set a course for New Zealand.
Finally, I must thank my dense family, my stupified campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank my fellow Americans for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of changing the American people. Without your inspired efforts, none of this would have been possible.
Posted by Timothy at January 20, 2009 11:52 PM
That was almost as underwhelming as the real speech.
Never mind, G.W. Bush left some wonderful gifts behind!
Posted by Curly at January 21, 2009 10:03 AM
All I can say is this.
Obama has been in office for near on 18 hours, and the global economy hasn't improved, poverty has not disappeared all over the world, peace has likewise not broken out, and global warming/cooling has not abated.
Worst. President. Ever.
Posted by Kim du Toit at January 21, 2009 04:23 PM
Our healthcare system is pink.
Never were truer worlds written!
Posted by Perry de Havilland at January 21, 2009 04:24 PM
Subsidies (such as Medicare and Medicaid) and regulations (such as those that make the "insurance market" no real market at all) produce high costs.
And the reaction?
Yet more subsidies and regulations.
Still if the "Free Choice" Act goes through there will be another result as well.
This is not the "Free Choice" Act that gets rid of the secret ballot on whether a place of employment is unionized, this is another Orwellian "Free Choice" Act.
One to force people to perform abortions - Obama is on record as supporting this "Free Choice" slavery, and he has already given the green light to taxpayers money being spent on abortions (and abortion propaganda) all over the world.
Whatever one thinks of abortion people should not be forced to perform them - with threats to their medical licences (something that should not exist anyway) and to their hospitals if they refuse.
As for "another result".
No doubt I will be thought unsound in the head (perhaps I am) - but I suspect that if the force people to perform abortions "Free Choice" Act goes into effect it will lead to Civil War.
People who would not fight over gold confiscation and will not fight over tax and spend - will fight over this. And many (most?) in the United States military would back them.
Posted by Paul Marks at January 24, 2009 01:05 AM
