I have no intention of ever dying.

"Free at last"

"Not sleeping, just dead".

"Dissonance is a higher form of consonance" -- Thomas Pynchon

"I've felt better......"

No, I don't have a TV down here. Now piss off.

"Made the world a more labelled place".

(Sorry, but you need to understand Solaris 10 Trusted Extensions, to realise what this means.)

"Get Off My Lawn"

Blame God.

The eternal optimist whose only surprise was death.

How about...

"Fuck Off Thaddeus XXV".

I don't give a flying one. My life is mine and whatever epitaph I leave is my achievement and nothing else.

"72 pt Narrow Gothic on Black Marble"

That way they'll know I was the King of Thrift, right to the end.

[porkypigvoice] abadeya abadeya that's all, folks [\porkypigvoice]

Thanks for visiting.

"Estate off-shore, died owing taxes... hahahaha"

Wish you were here.

On an "old school parking meter":
"Time Expired"

'Tis just a flesh wound..

"I am not here. They buried my evil twin brother instead."

"It was either death or taxes. I think I made the right choice."

Here doesn't lie Mid. He is missing, declared dead and was last seen transferring money to an as yet undetermined destination. Persons having further information are requested to contact their local office of the Income Redistribution Service.

Information is also sought concerning the whereabouts of the following known associates . . .

Warning! If you believe you see any of them, do not approach. They should be considered armed and humorous.

:-)

He wanted to help save Western Civilization. He made small contributions to it, and still trying, with few aware of his meager efforts, he passed away virtually unnoticed, missed only by his loving offspring.

"My estate will reward anybody who turns in ACORN activists attempting to put my room-temperature self on a voter registration list."

Dammit.

"Hypochondriac, my arse!"

"Condemned himself to a life of disappointment from the moment he realised that he was a Conservative."

http://www.lettersfromatory.com

"I am currently in cold storage. Unfreeze me when Ipswich win the European Cup."

Je n'ai rien, je dois beaucoup, je donne le reste aux pauvres

(borrowed from Francois Rabelais)

You did say
Cut the red wire
didn't you?

If there is room, may I please have 'The Sons of Martha', by Rudyard Kipling?

http://www.online-literature.com/kipling/920/

Thank you.

llater,

llamas

"Gone to lunch. Back soon"

If I were Jerry Garcia it would be "Thank you very much."

If I were John Lee Hooker it would be "I didn't wake up this morning."

"ON ERROR GOTO 0"

And if you were Robert Hunter, RobtE

Shall we go
You and I
Through the transitive Nightfall of Diamonds

Perhaps?

I'm not dead yet. I feel haprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrip....

Da veniam, nihil nisi verum

I told you I was sick

On second thought, make that a cenotaph; land is for the living.

Surely there're things you'd rather be doing than read this...

Damnit, SD beat me to it. In any event, I don't expect an epithet, as I intend to be cremated and then used to contaminate a chili cookoff.

Lived free, then died.

"May God bless the living and the memory of his days."

Here he lies where he longed to be,
Home is the sailor, home from sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.

I embraced, enjoyed and absorbed all that life offered and now death has embraced me and the earth will absorb me

Se prohibe hacerse agua aqui.

or

I could use a smoke after that.

Phelps, I appreciate that you don't expect an epithet, but the question was for your epitaph. (Of course, I suppose it could be both. I can certainly think of a few people where that would be the case.)

"I never liked any of you sonsofbitches, but I always wished I could have."

"Died peacefully in his sleep ... unlike the passengers of the vehicle he was driving."

Not-so-innocent bystander in an argument between gravity and friction.
or
With great horsepower comes great responsibility. Also, great impact forces.
or
Damn, that corner tightened fast.
or
The vanishing point just van...

"He did alright"