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May 04, 2007
Friday
 
 
In the beginning
Scott Wickstein (Adelaide, Australia)  Health • Humour

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, "You want hot fudge with that?
And Man said, "Yes!" And Woman said, "I'll have one too with chocolate chips".
And lo, they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad".
And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them".
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.
And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with cable T.V. with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.
Then Satan said, "You want fries with that?" and Man replied, "Yes, and super size 'em".
And Satan said, "It is good."

And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed. And created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then Satan chuckled, and created the National Health Service.

Comments

rofl.


Posted by Elijah at May 4, 2007 09:24 AM

LOL.. Brilliant !


Posted by NotAnAngel at May 4, 2007 11:10 AM

I Did Not See That Coming.

Like Al Capone said, we laugh because it's funny and we laugh because it's true.

llater,

llamas


Posted by llamas at May 4, 2007 11:57 AM

In the American version the final creation was the HMOs. I wonder which version is Satan most proud of:-)


Posted by Alisa at May 4, 2007 01:00 PM

Brilliant sir, You have made my afternoon!!


Posted by Scott Green at May 4, 2007 01:49 PM

AbsoTIVEly great!


Posted by Dr. Ellen at May 4, 2007 02:12 PM

I think I will post this to the MENSA atheists forum and see of I can raise any more vitriolic bile from the lefties than I already have.


Posted by tomWright at May 4, 2007 04:20 PM

Ha ha ha !


Posted by pietr at May 4, 2007 04:27 PM

As Sam Clemens said, "The secret source of humor itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven."


Posted by Doug Jones at May 4, 2007 06:43 PM

As a nurse, tis the blackest humour for me..........


Posted by circe at May 5, 2007 04:02 AM

Inspired! Love it. Keep 'em coming, Scott.


Posted by James Waterton at May 5, 2007 05:17 AM

A long wind-up, but well worth the wait.


Posted by James at May 5, 2007 06:53 AM

Forgive my ignorance but what's a 'magnum' ?I know that its a type of wine bottle. But in context that does not seem to fit.

Other than that, great bit


Posted by Taylor at May 5, 2007 03:37 PM

Magnum = ice cream.

The Wiki, as usual, knows about it...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnum_%28ice_cream%29


Posted by The Last Toryboy at May 6, 2007 02:29 AM
I think I will post this to the MENSA atheists forum and see of I can raise any more vitriolic bile from the lefties than I already have.

Lefty atheists would find Bible-inspired satire offensive? I guess I've been away from Mensa too long.


Posted by Alan K. Henderson at May 6, 2007 10:53 AM
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