Saturday
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She gazes at the moon
The fragrant earth remains
Tears and thunder fall.
The first line has 6 syllables. There should only be 5. Perhaps-
She gazed at the moon
Thank you
Posted by Hy Koo at March 13, 2004 11:15 PM
"The first line has 6 syllables. There should only be 5."
- Brought to you by the EU Poetry Authority. Comply or be fined.
Posted by Greg at March 14, 2004 01:45 AM
EU Poetry Authority. Ahh yes, quite too true isn't it? Now we can see why the Samizdat system still thrives...and why people still publish works in fear...someone always trying to tell them how to write, how to think, what to do, how to do it.
Comply or be fined now, comply or be jailed later, comply or be excuted to come. Samizdat lives.
Posted by Mashiki at March 14, 2004 04:44 AM
Read it and enjoyed the image. Didn't count syllables until several thought I ought to.
Why? So there are 6, 5, and 5 syllables. Where is it written in the Great Book of Anarchists and Sophists that all lines must have the same?
Two too many under grad English majors hanging roundabout if you ask me.......
Posted by Steve at March 14, 2004 06:22 AM
so, um, who the hell wrote it??
(sorry if that ought to be obvious, but there are so many Samizdata Illuminati that identifying which may have spewed this jewel into the ether becomes somewhat of a chore.)
Posted by shanartisan at March 14, 2004 09:20 AM
It's supposed to be a haiku, no? It even has a seasonal word - "thunder". It fails as haiku and fails as poetry because it's trite. I say piss on it.
[Hey, we're all entitled to an opinion.]
Posted by Theodopoulos Pherecydes at March 14, 2004 09:30 AM
I say piss on it -
Let the yellow urine rain
On all bad haiku.
Posted by Theodopoulos Pherecydes at March 14, 2004 09:34 AM
Well, I think the writer/artist should take hike-oo. The inclusion of the word "tears" doesn't make this deep.
And thunder doesn't fall. And no, it's not a new and startling insight into thunder. It doesn't fall. Period.
Posted by Verity at March 14, 2004 09:37 AM
Because thunder is so powerful. It is elemental energy. It is awesome. It is not passive.
Posted by Verity at March 14, 2004 11:28 AM
I did not write it but the meaning is clear to me. Why? Because in order to understand, you would be one of the Friends for whom it was writen
Posted by Perry de Havilland at March 14, 2004 12:34 PM
You know, Perry, you can selectively turn comments OFF for individual posts. Something to think about in these fuckwit-filled times...
Posted by Sekimori at March 14, 2004 11:22 PM
And the second line should be seven syllables: 5 - 7 - 5. Also there is usually a dual theme, with the sections being related but essentially separate. Much like episodes of the Simpsons, which start out being about one thing and end up being about something else entirely.
Posted by S. Weasel at March 15, 2004 04:20 PM
So it doesn't scan and it's trite and Sekimori seems to be haughtily affronted.
Posted by Verity at March 15, 2004 07:51 PM
If I ever had to choose between pain and nothing; I would always choose pain. And therein lies our dilema.
Posted by Damon Maxwell at December 8, 2004 05:09 PM
