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Burglars: the oppressed of the Earth

I read an article a few weeks back, in the Guardian I believe, which consisted of a lament about the lack of originality or creativity in British TV comedy production these days. I cannot remember exactly who or what the writer felt was to blame for this state of affairs (America, probably) but I have my own theory. I believe that no comedy writer in Britain could possibly produce anything as farcical as real-life:

“Former Scotland footballer Duncan Ferguson is being investigated by police over allegations he assaulted a man burgling his home on Merseyside.”

It wouldn’t surprise me if every burglar, mugger and bag-snatch in this country is going to routinely claim to have been assaulted, confident in the knowledge that their claims will be taken seriously. Burglars are rapidly becoming a ‘victim’ class.

“However, the criminal has accused the 6ft 4in former Rangers player of assaulting him during the confrontation.

Merseyside Police are investigating the allegation and officers will speak to Ferguson in the near future.”

Even assuming the allegation proves to be true, I doubt that Mr.Ferguson will actually be prosecuted. At least, I sincerely hope not. But, what are the odds on the burglar making a claim for damages for alleged breach of his Heeeeeeewwwmin Rights?

9 comments to Burglars: the oppressed of the Earth

  • Jeffersonian

    If there was an ounce of justice left in the UK, Ferguson would be getting a medal and the hoodlum a nice long stay in a well-policed government housing facility.

    But since the British government seems more intent on pulling the teeth from Britain’s sheep in hopes that the wolves will be pacified, I might recommend that Mr. Ferguson learn his lesson and dump the body in the Firth next time so authorities can declare the crime unsolvable and abandon the investigation.

  • All of that assumes that the perp has been proven to be a human, eh?

  • Pete

    Like Dirty Harry Callahan said about the Scorpio killer, “I’m all broken up about that man’s rights”.

  • François G.

    When the government denies your right to self-defense to such an extent, the only way to stay out of trouble is to kill the burglar, dispose of his corpse discreetly and pretend that nothing happened. This really increases the risks of the profession. But it serves them well.

  • Byna

    If you are in my house uninvited, I reserve the right to kill you.

    Period.

    You don’t have to be doing anything besides being present for me to feel justified in killing you.

    On that note, there have been two seperate instances of police being shot by civilians in the US recently. One when the police served a search warrant without knocking, announcing their presence, or wearing clothes that identified them as police. The other was when a plain clothed officer wearing a mask went into a store to arrest someone, and the clerk shot the opfficer.

    In both cases, the shooter does not have any charges against them. Compare that the England right now.

  • David Mercer

    Yes, “Make my Day” laws in the US do much good in discouraging burglars (the law in many states that it’s legal to kill a burglar/intruder….but make sure you empty that clip all at once, once you’ve ‘disabled’ them and have stopped shooting, you can’t start again, but you can let loose all your rounds at once :-). And here in Arizona, residential trespassing is a mandatory Felony.

  • zack mollusc

    Surely if you find a burgler in your british home you should violently attack him and take any possessions he has. This makes YOU a mugger and the police will not bother to arrest you, and even if they do the state will defend you and give you a safari holiday or something.

  • Anonymous Coward

    My state doesn’t have a true make-my-day law (though I’ll take my chances with anyone who appears in my house, armed or not), but numerous young ladies of my acquaintance have been informed by the local police that if they were to shoot someone anywhere on their property, the gendarmerie would be willing to overlook any blood trails produced by dragging the body into the house so as to fit the letter of the law.

  • Deoxy

    Actually, in england, the thing to do is get out of the way of the burgler until he’s done.

    AFTER he’s left your property, shoot him and take back your stuff. As long as he’s just walking down the street, it’s a mugging, and the police won’t do anything about it.

    It’s that he’s in your HOUSE that’s the problem.

    Actually, better yet, follow him home and break into HIS house and shoot him there – then YOU’RE the burgler, and he’s the one in trouble with the law…