How fortunate we are to be British. Just how may we count our blessings? While other nations are wracked with chaos and their peoples suffer the vicissitudes of lawlessness and anarchy, we blessed citizens of this Sceptered Isle can enjoy our peaceful lives knowing with cast-iron certainty that our brave and determined public officials are working night and day to ensure that we live in comfort and security.
Ever-vigilant, there is no threat to our national fabric on which they will not pounce:
“Two children in Lancashire have been told they need planning permission for a playhouse they have erected in their garden.
Hours after the wooden house was erected, planning officers told them it would have to be taken down if the permission is not secured.”
Did these miscreants honestly believe that they were going to get away with this? Did they imagine that their flagrant disregard for order was going to be tolerated? Did they think, for even a second, that such delinquent behaviour would not be noticed by our eagle-eyed and steely-nerved planning officers?
“However, the council said the wendy house, which is on the side of the family home, is an “unauthorised development”.
“As the wendy house borders a highway, the law states that planning permission is required,” a spokesman said.”
There is no need to thank our faithful council officers. As they would be the first to point out, they are only doing their jobs. But let us spare a moment in any event, to savour the gratitude they have so selflessly earned with their sterling defence of our way of life.
“Eight-year-old Ben and his sister Katie, six, are said to be devastated that their playhouse, given to them as an early Christmas present, may be moved.”
How sad that criminality should afflict those so young. But tenderness of age should not deflect the righteous wrath held ever-ready to be visited upon those guilty of trying to sabotage our placid and convivial society. Who knows if this allegedly harmless toy was not, in reality, to be used as a stash of illegal weapons? Does anyone need to be reminded of the well-established ‘link’ between wooden playhouses and international terrorism?
But let us not dwell on the morbid consequences of this kind of wild insurrection. Let us, instead, pay a simple homage to our fearless public officials who have saved us, yet again, from civilisational catastrophe. We may now all sleep safely, in the prescribed manner, in our properly regulated beds.
It’s the neighbourhood narc, rule book in hand, who should be the object of contumely.
And isn’t so great that we British have reached such a level of crime-free perfection that these are the only sorts of offences that ever get committed? Let us take pity on the inhabitants of lesser countries with their graffiti, vandalism, muggings and drive-by shootings.
Oh, I so wish I was an Englishman… a haven of order and tranquillity in this troubled world.
You couldn’t make this stuff up…
Not that I support this silliness, but the article was a little unclear. As “wendy” is uncapitalized, I’m unsure whether it’s a British term for playhouse or the family name was uncapitalized in the report (ignorant American, I ;-)).
But it says that the house “borders a highway.” This to me seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen should a friend come over to play and be run over by a car that careens off the road. Isn’t that kind of a silly place to put a playhouse? Please tell me I’m just confused and the policemen are simply being idiots, and not actually reasonably concerned with safety.
In the US, structures secondary to a house often require a building permit and must meet certain specifications. In addition, many ‘planned communities’ (deed restricted) forbid all sorts of structures including swingsets, tree-houses, play houses, and basket ball hoops.
Ryan,
A ‘wendy’ house is a common generic name for toy houses for children to play in. Named, I believe, after the first manufacturer.
Also, this was not the police, it was local authority bureaucrats and I hardly think ‘safety-nannying’ (which was not, in any event, the motive) is better than petty rulebook bullying.
I think it was entirely reasonable for the authorities to demand that this evil symbol of capitalist property-worship should be taken down.
Seriously, the civil “servants” who did this deserve a collective kick in the arse. I hope the local press, if they have any guts, make a stink over this insane piece of petty officialdom.
This is by far one of the funniest things I have ever read. The fine quality of writing on this website is only one of many good reasons to continue visiting it.
I have seen photographs of the Wendyhouse – it has (as one would expect) a small door (suitable for a child) and is attached to the wall of the family home. It does not border on the highway – the family garden is in between the Wendyhouse and the highway.
No doubt the planning officers are playing their old trick of defining “bordering on” as being within a certain number of feet of.
Thank goodness, I thought it was just us Americans that had morons on the planning commissions. Just a few years ago, my family had to jump through hoops with the planning people to replace a barn on a ranch 20 miles from town.