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Samizdata Spoonerism of the Day

I so need to go and drink football and watch beer.

A Samizdatista, who shall remain nameless, explaining his priorities for the day. I myself have been guilty of a few slips of the tongue. Explaining my vices to an Australian blogger, I admitted that:

I drink like a train and smoke like a fish.

My doctor agrees that I should be smoking like a fish, and he has a point. Meanwhile, I will now remove my foot from my mouth.

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18 comments to Samizdata Spoonerism of the Day

  • Simon Jester

    My doctor agrees that I should be smoking like a fish

    A kipper?

  • Eric

    Your doctor most likely would rather you drank like a train, too.

  • Not sure about that, Eric- some locomotives are pretty thirsty!

  • M. Murcek

    Here in Pittsburgh, we say “This is a drinking town with a football problem.” Different kind of football, yeah, I know, but you get the idea…

  • Midwesterner

    That’s kind of like “I was watching a fight and a hockey game broke out.”

  • When I utter a remark similar to some I have placed in comments sections, people occasionally ask me what I’ve been smoking. Standard answer: “Brined salmon fillets, over hickory.”

  • RAB

    My auntie used to do great ones all the time.
    She was telling a story about WW2.
    “So there we all were, Me, your Nan and my lovely Norman, home on passionate leave”

  • Midwesterner

    RAB, that’s classic and fantastic. More! More!

  • RAB

    Well how about when she used to come to my mums house for sunday lunch and say
    ” Dont put too much for me Brenda cos I’ll only eat it”
    Boy could these old birds put it away!

  • RAB

    This ones for the American audience.
    Yogi Berra, the legendary New York Yankees baseball coach (and apparantly model for the cartoon Yogi Bear)
    was in a pizza place one night and was asked if he wanted his 12″ cut into four or eight.
    “Better make that four son, I dont think I could eat eight.”

  • Midwesterner

    My favorite Yogism is (when he and some friends were deciding on a restaurant)

    “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”

  • Verity

    I’ve never heard of Stephen Wright, so he was before my time in the US, or after, I don’t know his dates, but he said, “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” (Hat tip: LGF)

  • RAB

    He is still exanct and very dry.
    They say it’s a small world
    But I wouldn’t want to paint it
    Yes good choice.

  • Verity

    But he said he bought some used paint, in the shape of a house.

  • RAB

    Yeah but by the time he realised he’d used his car keys
    in the door of the house
    He’d driven his apartment half way round the block before he could get them out again.
    Download Real Player. If It fucks up your system I’ll pay honest. A smile a day keeps almost anything away.

  • Verity

    I’d never heard of him before. But he said, “The other day, I was walking down the street … Oh, wait a minute … that wasn’t me.”

  • RAB

    Have you heard of Elmo Phillips?
    A stick insect of a man (Ha I can talk!)
    Who’s delivery of surreal one liners is very similar to Wrights, but more dark.
    There may be a good reason for this.
    They went to school together.
    That must have been one hell of a fun High School!

  • More Yogi-isms:

    “When you get to a fork in the road, take it.”

    My favorite – “Ninety percent of baseball is half-mental.”