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Start your conspiracy theories

Ok, so I have been told some fruitcake stated the tsunamis were ‘Gaia’s revenge’1 (which would explain why it was only SUV driving capitalists who were drowned)… but how long before some nut job decides that the tsunami was actually caused by the Americans setting off nukes on the seabed? You just know it is going to happen!

1 = anyone have a link to this or other similar moonbatness?

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38 comments to Start your conspiracy theories

  • Have a look at Polly’s article this morning. One emailer told her it was god angry about 1 billion abortions.
    About the best ting in her article actually, as the previous post shows.

  • Robert

    I think…I THINK…you can find a few peple make that claim in the Talkback section of Aint It Cool News reporting the rumor of Jet Li’s rumored death.

    http://www.aintitcool.com

    I think they also present some links. Lots of nutty stuff in general, but I coulda swore I saw someone make that exact claim and post a link somewhere.

    Though I could be wrong. They may have been nuts with claims and no links, or I just simply imagined the whole thing while I was distracted by the dancing leprechauns getting high on kitty litter.

  • I’m waiting for Robert Fisk to report that the “Arab Street” says that the US detonated a bomb so that it could provide aid to the Muslims who live along the coasts of the Indian Ocean, thereby making the Great Satan look good in the eyes of the world’s Muslims (and driving down sales of OBL t-shirts in Indonesia, so two birds with one stone)…

    Which probably wouldn’t be too far from what people are thinking as Sri Lanka has rejected any search-and-rescue help from the IDF. (They will take medical aid, though…)

  • Hylas

    Perry,

    I don’t know about tsunamis, but back in september James Wolcott called hurricanes “Gaia’s stern rebuke.”

  • Some Greenpeace pillock Director blamed this on the global warming.

  • Verity

    Andrew Ian Dodge – But of course! And highly specific global warming at that. Not the global warming caused by something like 500m people cooking over charcoal stoves or tens of millions of diesel buses spewing out dense black clouds of diesel fumes. Or the hundreds of millions of third worlders who drive clapped out ancient cars with no pollution devices, put-puts with no pollution devices, 90 zillion motorcycles with no pollution devices. No, no! Not that global warming, which doesn’t count because it’s actually, uh, something …

    We are talking the nightmarish global warming that comes from the unrestricted use of leaf blowers, jet skis, recreational boating, SUVs and private planes. And commercial jets, too, except for the ones carrying hundreds of UN parasites – oops! – delegates to environmental meetings in Rio and Cancun and leftwing professors off to deliver ‘position papers’ at international conferences on greenhouse gasses. These are good jets and don’t count.

    People flying to sales meetings and business appointments, and people travelling on vacation, fly on bad jets that herald the end of the world.

  • Anybody proclaiming the tsunami as a minor victory for population control yet? I vaguely recall that a long time ago someone hailed AIDS as a “possible cure” for overpopulation. Figures that such people would still be lurking about.

  • Anybody proclaiming the tsunami as a minor victory for population control yet? I vaguely recall that a long time ago someone hailed AIDS as a “possible cure” for overpopulation. Figures that such people would still be lurking about.

  • Sorry about the double post.

  • …”but how long before some nut job decides that the tsunami was actually caused by the Americans setting off nukes on the seabed? You just know it is going to happen!”

    You’re forty-eight hours late: Have a look at the story on Indymedia UK

  • Alex Bensky

    Any progressive, clear-thinking person understands that the tsunami would never have happened but for Israel’s expansionism and occupation of the West Bank and Gaza.

  • This should clear it up. Capitalism, you know. Pigs.

    fresh from Iowahawk’s personal dementia and humor kitchen.

    link

  • According to Fundie loon Fred Phelps, it was God’s punishment to Sweden

    (Link)

  • Boudewijn (the Netherlands)

    There´s an editorial in the NYtimes which connects the gaia-theory with the tsunami in Asia. It´s called `The Year the Earth Fought Back ´

    Quote:

    Given these cascades of disasters past and present, one can only wonder: might there be some kind of butterfly effect, latent and deadly, lying out in the seismic world?

    In recent decades, thanks largely to the controversial Gaia Theory developed by the British scientists James Lovelock, it has become ever more respectable to consider the planet as one immense and eternally interacting living system – the living planet, floating in space, every part of its great engine affecting every other, for good or for ill.

    I was somewhat surprised to read an article like this in the NYtimes, sounds more like the kind of crap indymedia would publish.

  • Stehpinkeln

    Boudewijn, the NY Times went tabaloid many years ago. They were losing money at an alarming rate and had to do something. They are still losing money, but it’s not as bad since they started making up their own stories. Nothing like a little fiction to spice up a slow news day.
    It is all President Bushes fault, of course. Rumor is he was overheard humming Beach Boy songs while tying his surfboard to the top of Air Force One. What else do you need for evidence? Michael Moore was convinced.

    “those in the United States who think the Soviet Union is on the verge of economic and social collapse, ready with one small push to go over the brink are wishful thinkers who are only kidding themselves.”
    -Arthur Schlesinger Jr. 1986

  • I think this recent episode of John Fardell’s ‘The Modern Parents’ speaks volumes.

  • Crosbie

    I think this is what you’re looking for:

    Earthquake: Coincidence or a Corporate Oil Tragedy?

    So you see, the greed of oil-using capitalist SUV drivers directly caused the quake. Naturally.

    Think of the Dolphins.

  • Anybody proclaiming the tsunami as a minor victory for population control yet?

    Yes. Nobody ‘official’, though. I’ve seen it in forums, such as
    http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?s=f40982f5190a249bdcb8df9d33de41c2&threadid=34602

  • I’ve seen the population control thing on forums, too. I yelled at them a good deal (they were my friends… or at least acquaintances). They apologized, for the most part.

    It was especially ironic as it was said in the context of statements like “why can’t we have a gigantic earthquake that will reduce population density — and therefore decrease property values.” Said by a person living in sunny Southern California, no less.

  • Betsy Gorisch

    Verity:

    Oh yeah, those are the same kinds of distinctions I rely on to control my weight: Calories taken in when sampling at the grocery don’t convert to fat and are simply eliminated, unlike those taken in during ordinary over-eating. That’s because they’re taken in as sacrifice in service to my family, so I can see what’s really good to eat and therefore worth buying!

    :^D

  • Betsy Gorisch

    BTW, does anyone else remember the NYT suggesting that the spike in East Coast shark attacks that summer might be the revenge of the sea creatures against us pesky, intrusive humans? Trying to drive us back onto our own turf, so to speak. I recall there being some people who took the notion quite seriously.

  • veryretired

    It must be a human trait as ancient as we are—the attempt to find some meaning in unusual events as if they were aimed at us by a purposeful entity. I can almost hear our ancestors nervously whispering to each other around the fire at the mouth of the cave.

    All these Gaiae or global warming or God’s wrath fantasies harken back to man’s desparate attempts to understand omens. It is the longing for an extra-rational explanation, a way to circumvent the annoying demands of physics, cause and effect, and all those pesky laws that nobody understood much then, or now.

    It must be so frustrating for those who would love to tell us what “the gods” demand from us to prevent any further disasters that science can explain the natural forces at work. In past ages, they would have had the pick of the local virgins to throw into the ocean and pacify the angry spirits. (There was a great satirical post along those lines up the other day, poking fun at the pseudo-science which is so often more widely believed than real, hard scientific, evidence-based explanations.)

    The most terrifying aspect of reality for many people is the indifference of nature, whether on the bacterial, planetary, or galactic scale. Anyone who wonders why bad things happen to good people should have a long talk with the anaerobic bacteria that used to constitute the totality of life on earth.

    They’re probably still wondering what they did wrong.

  • As I try not to read ‘fantasy comics’ (such as The Guardian), I’m afraid I hadn’t come across this notion until I read your post.

    Your blog makes for fascinating and enlightening reading.

    Happy New Year!

  • Samsung

    I overheard a conversation an acquaintance of mine had with a Muslim fellow recently. During the conversation they got talking about the Asian Tsunami disaster that happened this Christmas. The Muslim commented that the tidal wave was really an ‘Act of God’. In his mind, it was the Christain God’s revenge on the Muslims for Bin Laden’s 9/11 act of terrorism done in the name of Allah. He was quite adamant that it was OUR God’s revenge on Islam.

    The Christian God, in an act of supernatural revenge for 9/11, summond up a huge tidal wave in South East Asia, killing tens of thousands of Muslims in the process.

    In the Divine Smiting department, the Biblical Yahweh is thus considered a HeavyWeight contender, whilst Allah is a mere assmonkey FlyWeight. I suppose in his mind, OUR God has a bigger dick than THEIR God.

    Apparently WE Kufre are to blame for the Tsunami. It is all the fault of those debauched beer drinking, porno watching filthy Western Infidels who piss on the name of Allah!

    I feel another Conspiracy Theory coming on. No doubt Michael Moore will make a movie about it and ride it all the way to the Bank.

  • A summary of the current Leftist theories is over at AEBrain, the blog, along with a handy poll as to who or what is responsible for the Andaman Earthquake.

    So far, Karl Rove is holding a narrow lead over “Hallibuton Oil Extraction” and “Plate Tectonics” equal second, with “Bush not signing Kyoto” a close third.

  • Samsung,
    So a mid level quake under Tehran would clinch it

  • Larry LaBeck

    You’d be hard pressed to find a loopier group of fuckwits than those at Portland Inymedia. That’s Portland, Oregon. Google Portland inymedia. They’ve got pretty sophisticated (and scientific!) explanations that really detail just how American imperialists pulled this one off.

    Just keep scrolling down their main page until you come to the tsunami post. You must read the comments, too.

    Larry LaBeck.

  • I'm suffering for my art

    Samsung – the first thing I wondered when hearing about the tsunami was when some nutter would try to call it a vengeful act of God/Allah (or whatever their flavour is) due to its proximity to Aceh. I wouldn’t have predicted your friend’s friend’s interpretation, however!

  • Findlay Dunachie

    Please

    Is it too late for me to ask for someone to put me onto a website that gives a proper explanation of what happened, in terms of the movement of the relevant tectonic plates, including the reason why it hasn’t happened before – or at least for a very long time?

    I am too lazy and inept to find one myself.

  • I'm suffering for my art

    That’s just wilfully lazy! Don’t you know about Google? It ain’t rocket science, my friend.

  • Findlay Dunachie

    I’m suffering for my art

    Come, come, don’t snap, old chap.

    There were more than 11,000,000 entries on Google re tsunami. Was there anything better than Wiripedia, d’you think?

  • Findlay Dunachie

    WIKIPEDIA, of course (if anyone’s looking).

  • Edward Teague

    Tony Blair’s silence re the Indian Ocean disaster. Apparently on holiday at Sharm El Sheikh he decided to show the kids how to part the Red Sea…..

    Meanwhile back at the ranch John Prescott was reported as saying “Tiramisu?” , “What are these boogers whinging about” ” I can eat three at a time, AND I’m a diabetic”

  • I'm suffering for my art

    Finlay: 11 000 000 entries, eh? Well, you can do one of two things. 1) Get sifting, I’m sure you’ll come up with something in less time it took you to write that post. 2) Refine your search parameters to reduce the number of hits. This has the added bonus of making the hits you do get more relevant. Brilliant! And you can do it all by yourself!

  • Findlay Dunachie

    Dear I’m suffering for my art

    May I call you I’m?

    You are correct to omit my first “d” – Gaelic-speakers tell me it’s intrusive.

    I just thought someone might have done the work first. Bloggers on Samizdata seem to include just those sort of chaps, and we’re all here to help each other – and show off.

  • David Carr Fan

    I’d no idea the Toon Army could do so much harm, but I shan’t lose a wink of sleep or give them one penny, so there!

  • tex

    “Zionist Weather Warfare”

    vialls.com

  • Gaia must be seriously lost. Why retaliate on some of the least industrialized countries?

    And guess what? God hates Sweden.

    P.S. Åke Green is infuriated that they are using him as a poster boy.