We are developing the social individualist meta-context for the future. From the very serious to the extremely frivolous... lets see what is on the mind of the Samizdata people.

Samizdata, derived from Samizdat /n. - a system of clandestine publication of banned literature in the USSR [Russ.,= self-publishing house]

War on tea

This has been on Fox News for a few days now, but it made me laugh: the individual behind the first WTC bombing, now under lock and key, is going on health-strike:

Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman, who is currently serving a life sentence, has reportedly stopped taking his insulin medicine and started eating M&Ms to make his diabetes worse. The blind cleric has apparently been upset about not getting the specific brand of tea he likes in prison.

Abdel-Rahman is a highly regarded spiritual leader among his militant followers, and there is still concern that should his health decline, those followers would retaliate against the United States.

Still, things could be worse- at least the Sheik is not expecting retalliation about other, more significant wrongs. Being forced to drink Tetley’s rather than Twining’s is one thing, but not being able to leave the building in order to blow up places is another thing altogether. Really quite a serious constraint, when you think about it.

I suppose if he was angry about bigger things than tea, Abdel-Rahman would be beating himself up even worse than by eating M&Ms. A few dozen Krispy Kremes, perhaps? The ones with lemon-custard inside are especially good. Then again, so are the raspberry jam ones. Tough call.

Perhaps this sort of thing could become a trend as more major terrorists get arrested. On the one hand, we could be seeing suicide-bombers all over the place blasting people to smithereens because some mad old cleric wanted the central heating turned up a couple of degrees. On the other hand, there might be a drastic reduction in the costs of keeping said evil lunatics alive, if they all manage to kill themselves by refusing their blood-pressure medication and overdosing on tubs of lard.

Coming soon: Saddam gets angry about being tried for murdering all those people, and shaves off his beard to incite retaliation against the US. While eating M&Ms and refusing to take aspirin for his headaches.

19 comments to War on tea

  • Fabian Smith

    Remember we are dealing with a lunatic here. A man who encourages others that the best way to improve the world in which they live is to blow themselves and innocent people up.

    While I am not in favour of the death penalty generally, this man should consider himself fortunate he was only given a life sentence for being convicted of such a crime in the US.

    As he loses the right to have a choice of fine teas while in prison, can’t we also remove his right to eat M&Ms??

    Alternatively let the silly twot eat as much sugar as he likes, slip into a diabetic coma and save us a big bill for looking after him.

  • R C Dean

    Is there any way I can send him dozen Krispy Kremes? Out of solidarity y with his cause, you understand. So long as his cause is to force himself into a diabetic coma.

  • Chris Goodman

    Latest News

    The trial of Slobodan Milosevic may be abandoned because being accused of being a mass murderer gives him ‘high blood pressure’.

  • Lard, surely not. I mean how culturally insensitive can you get? Now if it was dripping you might have a point.

  • ernest young

    Well that promise lasted all of what? two weeks!!! which is about as old as this story….:-)

  • Are those peanut, or plain, M&Ms?

  • Well, as Michael Moore points out in Fahrenheit 9/11 – this just goes to show you that the Americans are the real terrorists in the world.

    You see, if American foreign policy and business practices simply gave them the brand of tea they demanded, perhaps at a deep discount or on a forgiveable grant basis, then they wouldn’t hate us.

  • gary

    “Perhaps this sort of thing could become a trend as more major terrorists get arrested.”

    No danger of that. More ‘enemy combatants’ getting arrested and languishing in jail for years without proof of guilt, yes, that could become a trend.

  • Jacob

    I’m all against ” languishing in jail for years “.
    What is the death penalty for ?
    Could you imagine a better candidate for a lethal injection than this sheikh ? Let’s give it to him and stop torturing him with candies “for life”.

  • gary

    I agree, and lethal injection would save us detaining jaywalking WASPs too.

  • Jaywalkers are one thing, but people who hold onto library books for too long are another thing altogether.

    If ever anyone was deserving of The Big Sleep, this bastard Rahman is a poster child in favor of the death penalty.

  • Fabian Smith

    That’s a bit too harsh Gary.

    Funny the link you gave has a list of people arrested for violating the law. Is it just me but aren’t those people meant to be arrested?

    Hardly constitutes a police state.

  • Thon Brocket

    And there was, of course, the Irish Republican prisoner on ‘dirty protest’ in the H-Blocks who demanded a diet of peanuts. Turned out he was pebble-dashing his cell.

  • Mashiki

    My personal opinion is they should have just killed him rather then putting him in jail at the time. I really don’t have an patience for terrorists or their ilk. Yes, and people can spare me their cries of ‘but they have rights too’, yes and those ‘rights’ failed to exist the moment they killed or tried to kill someone in cold blood.

    Bah…I’ll look up the address and post it later…with luck maybe we can all get together and have the local Krispy Kreme send him some doughnuts made with pig-lard.

  • This could become as popular as sending pizza to the IDF every time the off one of his followers, and in our own small was, we get part credit for killing him.

    And the guards, who fail to notice the Shieks indisposition untill too late, can have the leftovers.

  • Mashiki

    FMC Rochester
    P.O. Box 4600
    2110 East Center Street
    Rochester, Minnesota 55903-4600

    Enjoy and make sure you send regards to the Sheik. The address listed is the sort facility. Make sure boxes are clearly marked. :)

  • S. Weasel

    I’ve never understood why authorities respond in any way to hunger strikes or other self-destructive behaviors by inmates. It’s so “I’ll show you, I’ll eat worms and die!” Knock yerself out, says I.

  • Rebecca

    Oh, the poor dear. I’d be happy to send him all the bags of M&M’s he wants. And Krispy Kremes too.

  • Your all a bunch of fucking morons, why dont you all do me a favor…and suck on my cock