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Evil Propaganda Ship Reaches Iraq

In a horrifying, senseless and brutal attack on innocent Iraqi mothers and toddlers, a British ship carrying more than 500 tonnes of aid for Iraqi civilians has docked in the southern port of Umm Qasr.

The Royal Fleet Auxiliary Sir Galahad, carrying food, water and other essential supplies, arrived at the quayside just before 12.30pm British time. The ship had been delayed for several days while mine sweepers and American forces using specially trained dolphins cleared a path through a minefield in the approaches to the port. That’s right. Dolphins. I am not joking. These people will go to any lengths to ensure their sick plans are carried out, even to the extent of training charming sea-creatures to perform impressive tasks. Is there no end to their evil cunning?

Aid agencies grudgingly described the shipment as “a meagre and pathetic attempt to steal our thunder” and expressed concerns over British soldiers distributing the supplies, suggesting that maybe trained idiots would do the job better than them. However, the Americans explained that although they had managed to train dolphins to do quadratic equations and sew patchwork quilts now, their attempts to communicate basic reason to people such as themselves had utterly failed, and they were even beginning to lose interest in trying.

There are fears that the most needy Iraqis are in areas outside army control where deliveries are not being made. The Americans suggested that maybe even more of their troops should risk death in order to be able to get food to the people whose country they were liberating? But the aid workers completely missed their sarcasm and agreed.

Military planners have yet to decide where this delivery will be sent, but there is little prospect of it reaching the centre of Basra, where Ba’ath party paramilitaries have forced a stand-off with British troops. The delivery is seen as central to coalition hopes of winning over critics of military action around the world as well as ordinary Iraqis.

Alex Fentoon, spokesman for a big food-aid charity, said:

We welcome any aid that can be delivered to the people of Iraq. They needed it before the war and they will need it all the more as the war goes on. But it is terribly obvious that civilians in a war are tools, whether used as human shields or propaganda. It would be better to let them starve than to give them food and tell anyone about it. Charity should always be done in secret.

While we welcome this aid, a few boxes chucked out of the back of an army truck may look good but it is not the same as organised distribution to the 16 million in Iraq who needed it before the war even began. Why weren’t the Americans feeding Iraq before? Whose fault do they think it is that this country is in such an economic and political mess anyway? Don’t they realise it is their job to deliver food to all the peoples of the world who are hungry, in a huge Marixst wave of wealth redistribution?

The Americans told Mr Fentoon to fuck off.

(Thanks to The Telegraph)

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11 comments to Evil Propaganda Ship Reaches Iraq

  • Assyrian

    Hi Guys so ur the Georg Bush fanclub i like him ver much he is good man and all assyrian are with him so he should kick the muslims in their asses how they did to us christian that basdard saddam hussein so long live for bush

    well that is what i want to say U American r great ppl

  • S. Weasel

    You know, that’s not far off how they reported the food drops in Afghanistan. Remember?

    “Peanut butter! Peanut butter is an insult to our ancestors! We do not know how to eat this viscous beige goo! I tried to feed it to my donkey and now he is dead! I am unable to differentiate between a food packet and a cluster bomb!”

  • Cranky Yank

    Breaking News: PETA declares war on coalition forces in retaliation for “enslavement and abuse” of innocent dolphins. “Sea creatures are known to be opponents of the war and object strongly to being forced into such ‘humanitarian’ missions by dastardly humans.” No dolphins were immediately available for comment.

  • Pete

    Where are the French Compassion Commandos when you need them. If they would only rename it the “Rainbow Warrior”, the elite French armed forces would solve the problem.

  • This Fentoon character is too much to be believed. He’s nominally associated with a food-aid charity, but he’d rather see people starve than have the American-British coalition get some PR benefit from feeding them? Has anyone seen him in proximity to any strange looking pods recently?

    By their deeds shall ye know them, sports fans — and words are deeds, too.

  • Help! Help! He’s being repressed!

  • Still no-one here can source that 1980s ‘Lords of Hunger’ book about famine charities for me? I did a quick web search, in vain….

  • Not Enough Dogs Woman

    To Cranky,

    I believe a dolphin was heard to say, “Bea love Pa”.

  • Fred Boness

    “Fentoon character” By his name and actions he sounds like some lesser character in a Kurt Vonnegut novel.

  • Patrick Donnelly

    I remember, the first time I heard that story, thinking the ‘dolphins’ were some sort of British special forces deal.