Going on the offensive

The Libertarian case against the Federal Election Commission (FEC) is going to the courts now and there is every expectation it will go all the way to the Supreme Court. Read Perry Willis’ testimony if you want to know more of the details.

I hope Real Campaign Reform succeeds in their civil liberties battle for us, but if they should fail… our North American readers could organize some very creative Guerilla Campaigning. You may want to begin planning of your 2004 campaign law snoot cocking right now.

Your mission, should you chose to accept it Mr. Phelps, is to keep alive the idea of a free and open political process. Here are a few ideas:

1. Start your own underground Free Libertarian Voters “cell” (the FLV as opposed to the dastardly LFV) with a few trustworthy friends. No one outside your group should even know you have “formed”. Above all, do not discuss this with anyone who is involved with an above ground “official” campaign group. Look in a mirror and practice not telling yourself about it.
2. Using your own computers and printers, make up flyers and posters for Libertarian candidates. Do nothing traceable: Big Brother is watching. Go out in the dead of night and plaster them all over. Place stacks in information trays; hand some out to passersby at malls or other busy areas. And don’t forget! Black ski masks are a serious fashion faux pas this season!
3. Come up with harmless and non damaging publicity pranks that will garner positive attention to your candidate or perhaps negative attention to the records of the Demopublican candidates. Do this especially in the last few days before the campaign.
4. Try to do as much rhetorical damage to the FEC and its’ regulations as you possibly can. Make them look like fools: “Every joke is a tiny revolution”. Make them look like a bunch of anti-democracy demogogues. That they actually are should help you immensely in this task.
5. Brainstorm with your cell. Be creative like the “Sons Of Liberty”. They invented guerilla theatre over a few pints in the Green Dragon, an idea so advanced we didn’t invent the name until 190 years later.

   Read “Rules for Radicals” by Saul Alinsky. It worked for the Left, it will work for you! This book is also very funny. I’d never have thought of a political use for baked beans.

6. Don’t get caught. You really could be in it extremely deep. You could go to jail for supporting the candidate of your choice in a non-State approved fashion, time and place.
7. If you are caught, read about the Chicago 7 for some really cool ideas on how to make a mockery of the campaign laws in the courtroom. Judge Hoffman is probably long retired by now, but there are other buffoons in robes and you might get lucky. If you’re going to spend a few years behind bars, you might as well land a good blow for Liberty on the way to the slammer.

   Read defendant Abbie Hoffman’s “Steal This Book” or “Revolution for the Hell of It” to get into the proper frame of mind. Again. It worked for the Left, it’ll work for you!

8. “Black world” campaigning must always be totally deniable by real campaign organizations. You can’t work in both. You can’t even communicate across the boundary. They cannot know who you are or what you are doing, not even a clue. For real. I’m not joking.
9. Watch what the official campaign is doing and follow their lead. Campaign managers know more about what is going on than you do. Don’t go off on your own tangent. Remember the Hippocratic Oath: “The first rule is to do no harm”.

It will be good practice just in case more of our civil liberties have to be exercised underground. I guess one could say “If political campaigning is outlawed, only outlaws will have political campaigns.”

We aren’t called Samizdata for nothing you know!

This tape will self destruct in zzzzzztttttttttttttttt………..